My bus is almost here...

[TheYounger]

My bus is almost here and I'm debating whether to go through with it. Something in me wants to leave so bad, the other part wants me to stay. My date is on the 31st of this month and I think I may go through with it.

I can't keep living this constant hell. My mental condition is crippling every aspect of my life. I can't hold a relationship, i can't have kids. I think I'm ready to go this time. Only 18 days left. To think I could be completely gone from this world by next year. I want it.

 

[darksideofthebright]

I'm so sorry to hear that life has driven you to this point. Do you want to figure out why a part of you wants you to stay at all (Not trying to sound pro-life at all, just want you to fell 100% ready and content). We are here to listen to you and support you to our best capacity, so feel free to share your story (if you can and want to). I hope you can find your peace soon!

 

[TheYounger]

I deal with very severe depression. I can't really go to much into the details because it's a bit complicated to explain for me. It seems almost like 95% of me wants to die and the rest of me would rather live. I don't know exactly what keeps me back but I have to put my fears to the side and go through with this one way or another.

I'm so sorry to hear that life has driven you to this point. Do you want to figure out why a part of you wants you to stay at all (Not trying to sound pro-life at all, just want you to fell 100% ready and content). We are here to listen to you and support you to our best capacity, so feel free to share your story (if you can and want to). I hope you can find your peace soon!

 

[darksideofthebright]

I deal with very severe depression. I can't really go to much into the details because it's a bit complicated to explain for me. It seems almost like 95% of me wants to die and the rest of me would rather live. I don't know exactly what keeps me back but I have to put my fears to the side and go through with this one way or another.

I definitely won't know your story as well as you do, so I won't speak as if I did. I hope you have somehow exhausted all the support available to you, and if you did, I hope that you can find your peace and happiness soon, whatever you decide to do.

We can't really encourage you to ctb, but all I can say is other than exploring your thought process to really understand where that 5% comes from, I can say depressant substances can help with overcoming SI (alcohol for example). I won't go into details because it's morally and legally wrong to do so, but if you want to overcome SI, those are some suggestions from me. I'm so sorry I can't be of any more help.

 

[greebo6]

You sound a bit like me.
I think I have only a few weeks left too.
Sorry you are at this point.

 

[Deleted member 24645]

Ctb is permanent. If you're not certain, why not wait a while?

 

[TheYounger]

You sound a bit like me.
I think I have only a few weeks left too.
Sorry you are at this point.

What method you thinking of going with?

Ctb is permanent. If you're not certain, why not wait a while?

Yeah... I've waited 2 years to get better. I can't keep waiting more.

 

[greebo6]

What method you thinking of going with?

Yeah... I've waited 2 years to get better. I can't keep waiting more.

Hanging at home.
I have a date set in my mind for about mid January. I had chosen about then a while ago.

 

[TheYounger]

Hanging at home.
I have a date set in my mind for about mid January. I had chosen about then a while ago.

Why that date?

 

[greebo6]

Well, I want it to be after the 10th Jan but before the end of that month.
Hard to explain but there is a reason.
Have you chosen a method?

 

[TheYounger]

Well, I want it to be after the 10th Jan but before the end of that month.
Hard to explain but there is a reason.
Have you chosen a method?

Yeah, sodium Azide. I'm planning to drink several grams of it. I have it all mixed and ready. I definitely think it'll be enough to kill me. This life is kinda bullshit and I'm useless really. Hopefully the 31st will be the end.

 

[greebo6]

I hope it works and it goes smoothly for you.

 

[self.destractive]

hey dude, i really encourage you to wait it out at least a little longer
this is a decision (god did i even spell that right? im too lazy to check) that you need to be absolutely 100 percent sure about. you cant just go back after you follow through
(main reason why i keep pushing my date back- the part of me that wants to keep going is just too much of a pain in the ass to actually leave just yet)
it hurts but you need to be certain

i wish you the best regardless of which path you follow

 

[justsad&done]

I'm so sorry for your suffering and although I don't know your story, but I can understand really wanting to leave and end it all, and also having a little part of you that isn't sure or wants to stay. I think that's "normal" and actually quite realistic. Yes, in a perfect world we would be 100% certain, but we know this isn't a perfect world. I believe when the pain greatly outweighs all else, it's a good indication that I'll be ready.
I wish you peace.

 

[SweetTangerine]

i can definitely understand your emotions with this. as mentioned before, we cant encourage you but we cant really stop you either.

you should do what you truly feel is appropriate and fitting for you. if you choose to hop on that bus, i wish you peace and good luck on the other side.

if you want to wait for the next one, i sincerely hope your situation gets better. nobody ever deserves such pain and it sucks that some of us have to be trapped in it.

 

[icandothis]

Hi OP, are you still here? I'm also contemplating sodium azide method. Really struggling to find any further info or advice on how to prepare it properly for ingestion without any potential explosions or mishaps onto others. Quite new to this site so I'm not sure how to PM. Hope to hear from you but if not, I only wish you peace and success in whichever choice you make.

 

[esann7]

What's sodium azide lol?

 

[x~Sophia~x]

What's sodium azide lol?

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