Venting My brain is so fucking bad.

[ikadasui]

Happy thoughts are nonexistent; I'm either flogging myself or fucking something up. I'm terrified of the day when I fuck up my employment because of my ineptitude and it's not due to lack of effort I assure you, I'm just dumb. There's no cure for this, and it's so painful since unless somebody has a disability they can't understand how someone can be so fucking stupid. It's isolating, it's scary and it's miserable, man. I try to hold down 2 jobs but just today I lost a tool that unlocks items and had to report it and now i'm terrified I'll be fired. I wanted to not say anything but of course that'd be the worse option. I hate living in stress and anxiety 24/7 I'm always in survival mode. The fuck was the point for a miserable life like this fucking damn it all

 

[Enlighten]

Happy thoughts are nonexistent; I'm either flogging myself or fucking something up. I'm terrified of the day when I fuck up my employment because of my ineptitude and it's not due to lack of effort I assure you, I'm just dumb. There's no cure for this, and it's so painful since unless somebody has a disability they can't understand how someone can be so fucking stupid. It's isolating, it's scary and it's miserable, man. I try to hold down 2 jobs but just today I lost a tool that unlocks items and had to report it and now i'm terrified I'll be fired. I wanted to not say anything but of course that'd be the worse option. I hate living in stress and anxiety 24/7 I'm always in survival mode. The fuck was the point for a miserable life like this fucking damn it all

I'm sorry you're going through all this. Living with permanent stress isn't living at all. I'm proud of you for holding up 2 jobs up until this point.
Being fired isn't the end of life, otherwise i would've died a couple times myself .
Maybe a simpler job could give you more peace of mind?

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be really dreadful having to suffer in that situation, I understand why you'd hate it so much but anyway I wish you the best, existence really is too cruel.