Help My boyfriend said he likes my scars?!?!

[kittyangelwings]

My boyfriend says he likes my scars, he lets me cut myself, he doesn't get upset because I hurt myself... I guess he doesn't care.. But we've been together for a year, if he hurt himself I would cry.. But he just says he likes my scars.. It helps me cut myself.. Does he really love me???

 

[Arvayn]

I'm sorry, but that doesn't sound healthy. Accepting somebody's self-harm tendencies and talking with them through it, that's one thing. Actively encouraging it and trying to use it for your own gratification is exploitative.

I do not know your relationship, so I cannot give any concrete judgement, but even if he does truly love you (I am not saying he does not, it is possible), this isn't very kind of him at all.

 

[U. A.]

I'm sorry, but that doesn't sound healthy. Accepting somebody's self-harm tendencies and talking with them through it, that's one thing. Actively encouraging it and trying to use it for your own gratification is exploitative.

I do not know your relationship, so I cannot give any concrete judgement, but even if he does truly love you (I am not saying he does not, it is possible), this isn't very kind of him at all.

Yeah, this. Sounds like the bad kind of freaky. Big difference between "I don't mind them because I know and understand you have this coping behaviour" and

 

[NutOrat]

Devil's advocate: maybe he is really confused and doesn't know how to help or act, so this is his way of showing that he accepts you and doesn't think less of you for self-harming. Even if that's the case, it is a terrible way of doing it, so I'm not excusing it. Also there's the whole fetishizing depression and sh thing, hopefully it's not that.

 

[gunmetalblue11]

Yeah like said above, this sounds rather toxic with some possible fetishization. Which I mean if that is mutual, be freaky. But if not, or not even discussed, that is a problem. Be careful.

 

[SaintJosifStalin]

I think scars can be beautiful when they begin to heal but I also wouldn't encourage someone I love to self harm.

 

[TheHolySword]

I think it's a conversation you need to have with him. You say he lets you do it, but is he actively encouraging it too? Not everyone knows how to handle this kind of thing. Maybe he's saying he likes it because he doesn't really know how to show his support. If he genuinely likes them and wants you to hurt yourself, you need to reflect if this is a relationship you want to be in. If he's trying to understand how to accept you, talk it through with him.