Venting my biggest fear in regards to C.T.B is not the pain but the chance of surviving/failing

[thereisnoneed]

like, i don't care even if i die painfully, it would still be most likely a lesser level of suffering than me having to live until i am 90 Y.O, i am thinking of the hanging method, i fear failing and my family finding out or something, a HUUUUUUUUUUGE issue, especially that they're very religious, i would get into an immense amount of issues with them, and in general i fear failing, i would be too frusterated if i don't die, as i am short of methods due to being pennyless

sorry for posting it here, i had no idea wether if fits better on the suicide section or on here, it really is not about the C.T.B method or anything as much it's about my anxieties, thank you.

 

[kitkat9234]

The fear of failure is one of the biggest reasons why I haven't attempted again. I need to make sure it will 100% work but sadly there is no guarantee that it will. So here I am stuck in a miserable existence. Ugh.

 

[thereisnoneed]

The fear of failure is one of the biggest reasons why I haven't attempted again. I need to make sure it will 100% work but sadly there is no guarantee that it will. So here I am stuck in a miserable existence. Ugh.

i mostly just fear my family finding out after i fail, as it would be insanely awkward and it would get me into tons of new issues with them, thankfully am not worried about the chance of becoming crippled or brain damaged as long they don't find my dead body in a few hours.

 

[kingfool316]

like, i don't care even if i die painfully, it would still be most likely a lesser level of suffering than me having to live until i am 90 Y.O, i am thinking of the hanging method, i fear failing and my family finding out or something, a HUUUUUUUUUUGE issue, especially that they're very religious, i would get into an immense amount of issues with them, and in general i fear failing, i would be too frusterated if i don't die, as i am short of methods due to being pennyless

sorry for posting it here, i had no idea wether if fits better on the suicide section or on here, it really is not about the C.T.B method or anything as much it's about my anxieties, thank you.

as a guy who failed many times, i knwo your feelings

 

[thereisnoneed]

as a guy who failed many times, i knwo your feelings

i want to be optimistic about this, if i can't be optimistic about life, then i can be optimistic about terminating my existence, i hope i can hang my self and get done with this ongoing nightmare

 

[usernamesarehard]

Yeah, I used to feel this way too. One big reason I never tried attempting is the fear of failure and having to look at my family after the fact. Also being a woman I want to make sure my first attempt is my last attempt because there's this idea that all women who attempt and fail were obviously doing it for attention. And I don't want to deal with that stigma.

I'm using apricot seeds since they have cyanide in them and from what I've read it's pretty much impossible to save someone with acute cyanide poisoning unless you have the cure right next to you. Having this has reduced my fears greatly.

Also I get the optimism thing. For years I never attempted because I had hope things would get better. I've lost that hope and also just care for anything, I'm just waiting for the right time to go.