NSFW Mtf /soc/ deviant

[systemic_livestock]

Ive been having sex with random chasers ive meet on 4chan, most of them are around twice my age. Its really addicting because I have crazy brainworms that'd cause me to never wanna look in the mirror but now that estradiol has been making me look better its gotten to the point ive found myself having sex with interesting men. Its addicting to be told how pretty I am and even more to be lusted over but I gotta wounder what are the long term effects of this behavior, I feel gulity about it alot.

Ive had sex in motels, one of their apartments and a public park. It feels like this is a copping response to all the childhood and Hs bullying especially because I lean alot into more degrading sex. These men aren't the morally the best and yet weirdly I feel the urge to humanize them, I still have a weird chud part of my brain that tells me this is how their supposed to treat me because im a women but it just ends up being a thing were normal conversations turn into them speaking to me like im a child and to them I kinda am honestly at 19 but its just so weird, everytime I discibe somthing negative it becomes "awww you poor thing" in such a infantilizing tone. These men as well it seems are a little too normal its weird to think about how regular they seem to be degenerate chasers. Attest it keeps me from cutting myself because its weird to explain new fresh cuts to them. I also think alot about how marrying one of them would fix me, to be taken care of. One of my most major stressors is feeling like an failure and a burden to my parents, mabye once im under one of their wings I could mabye just have all the sex I want without feeling like a dengerate because we are married. And be able to study without much financial stress.

 

[byec560]

If you think they infantilize you, they would probably make pretty controlling spouses. Then you would just feel like you would have to please yet another domineering person. Honestly, even if you're just looking for casual hookups I might suggest downloading Tinder or Hinge or something instead. Even if you might deal with some transphobes and some degenerates I'd imagine it can't be much worse than 4Chan weirdos and then at least there's a chance of meeting someone a bit more upstanding. Your life though ofc.

 

[systemic_livestock]

If you think they infantilize you, they would probably make pretty controlling spouses. Then you would just feel like you would have to please yet another domineering person. Honestly, even if you're just looking for casual hookups I might suggest downloading Tinder or Hinge or something instead. Even if you might deal with some transphobes and some degenerates I'd imagine it can't be much worse than 4Chan weirdos and then at least there's a chance of meeting someone a bit more upstanding. Your life though ofc.

You probably are right. I offen think about how easy a tradional marriage, but logically I know better, I really do eventually need to find someone who respects me as a person but also is a bit more controlling in bed, not something id find on 4chan.

Dating apps such and are a humiliation ritual unless your paying money. 4chan is extremely unsafe and yet I feel like I really enjoy it because of how questionable the men are, its nice being called a faggot somtimes before my brainworms kick in. I should really look into a better longer relationship meeting some irl might be the best bet.