Moving across the globe or committing — Rant

[everlastinghistory]

Okay, for a brief explanation: I'm in love with a girl who lives in France. I live in Canada. I don't think a relationship between us will happen unless one of us moves to the others country and I doubt she would move here. She's talked about moving to North America but seems to want to move to The States.

I don't want to live without her. Which is why my only options are either to kill myself or learn French fluently and move to France.

Thankfully, I already know a decent amount of French from school and self studying. So language wouldn't be too much of a concern.

I'm more worried about the fact that I would be completely uprooting my life and moving to an entirely different continent for a relationship I have no guarantee will even happen.

I know my only other option is suicide but honestly I don't know what to do. I mean is it better to just kill myself and save myself the potential pain this could all cause? If I don't go I'll die never knowing if things could've worked out. This entire situation is a disaster.

Moving across the world for her seems insane but at the same time how insane is it when the other option is suicide? I feel like I'm thinking about this situation in a normal context instead of in the context of my situation.

Does it sound too crazy? Does it sound pointless? I don't know. I feel like I'm just being delusional and there's no real purpose to going to France.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Are you missing a few steps in the process? First you meet each other, then you decide if you want to be in a relationship, and sometime after that is when you make the decision to move.

I don't know how much of a relationship you are already in with them so can't really comment on the rest.

 

[LittleJem]

Holiday in France or work there for a bit first?

 

[locked*n*loaded]

So, move to be with this girl or suicide? Hmmmmmm

 

[ZoinkyDoinky]

I feel like we need additional context before really advising you about anything. Like how long you've known the girl, how you met, have you met face to face, what you like the most about her and all that.

However, you said something about a relationship not happening unless you moved to the other's country, which I'm also confused about since that implies you're not in a relationship yet. Again, I'm not saying to do nothing or anything, just wanna have all the facts.

 

[everlastinghistory]

I feel like we need additional context before really advising you about anything. Like how long you've known the girl, how you met, have you met face to face, what you like the most about her and all that.

However, you said something about a relationship not happening unless you moved to the other's country, which I'm also confused about since that implies you're not in a relationship yet. Again, I'm not saying to do nothing or anything, just wanna have all the facts.

I haven't met her face to face. No. I've known her for I think about 2 years? Give or take a few months. We originally met on Twitter because we had similar interests and the same general sense of humour. (We both have fairly dark humour and that tends to disturb most other people).

We're not dating or anything but our situation was somewhat sexual at one point. Kind of like a friends with benefits type of thing. So we haven't dated but also aren't exactly just friends either. When I told her I had feelings for her she told me she wouldn't believe me unless I met her irl and got to know her for a year first. I'm pretty confident I won't change my mind within that year. Some of what I've seen of her is the darkest parts of her life. She's said that herself. I've seen the worst and still love her regardless.

We've gone through a couple apps texting, we've called each other and all that stuff.

Essentially she doesn't believe I love her because I haven't met her in real life. She is convinced I wouldn't feel the same if I knew her beyond the internet. And maybe she's right. (Though I don't think she is. To me she is literally the definition of perfect. I don't think there's much that could change my mind). But even if she is right I want to meet her and get to know her for that year she's said she'd believe me if I still loved her after. It's at least worth a shot.

She's told me if I went to France it'd maybe be possible for things to be different if things were still alright between us. The main issue currently is distance and her not believing it's possible for me to love her yet. I'd just go for a trip there but as I said: She said at least a year. I have to move there if I'm going to do that.

 

[yyytry]

I haven't met her face to face. No. I've known her for I think about 2 years? Give or take a few months. We originally met on Twitter because we had similar interests and the same general sense of humour. (We both have fairly dark humour and that tends to disturb most other people).

We're not dating or anything but our situation was somewhat sexual at one point. Kind of like a friends with benefits type of thing. So we haven't dated but also aren't exactly just friends either. When I told her I had feelings for her she told me she wouldn't believe me unless I met her irl and got to know her for a year first. I'm pretty confident I won't change my mind within that year. Some of what I've seen of her is the darkest parts of her life. She's said that herself. I've seen the worst and still love her regardless.

We've gone through a couple apps texting, we've called each other and all that stuff.

Essentially she doesn't believe I love her because I haven't met her in real life. She is convinced I wouldn't feel the same if I knew her beyond the internet. And maybe she's right. (Though I don't think she is. To me she is literally the definition of perfect. I don't think there's much that could change my mind). But even if she is right I want to meet her and get to know her for that year she's said she'd believe me if I still loved her after. It's at least worth a shot.

She's told me if I went to France it'd maybe be possible for things to be different if things were still alright between us. The main issue currently is distance and her not believing it's possible for me to love her yet. I'd just go for a trip there but as I said: She said at least a year. I have to move there if I'm going to do that.

What about visiting on and off.

Or, she could host you for a month. And then you could host her for a month. You both could see each other's worlds that way.

I used to do that with someone I cared about.