beyondbreath
Member
- Nov 19, 2019
- 48
I'm so depressed because my best friend (or "best friend") has changed a lot for the worse over the last three years and I don't know what to do.
We are both 27. Knew each other throughout elementary and high school. Kept close when I moved away. About three years ago my long term boyfriend broke up with me and she and her family helped me relocate to their city. I started to spend lots of time with her in person after 8 years of barely seeing her and only going up to her city for yearly visits for a few days at a time.
It happened slowly. Over time she would interrupt me more often, and say small, biting things. She either doesn't think she's being mean, or she enjoys it. She started to be more condescending and judgemental. For example, I'm fat. I also love her cat, who hates me. I was joking around about how much I love her cat (let's call the cat Kitty). She goes "yeah, you're Kitty's biggest fan. Kitty's BIGGEST" (puts her arms out in a round shape around her stomach) "fan". I was too shocked to do anything but laugh.
We went to a Chinese buffet with her family's exchange student and when the student was gone to get food, my friend leans in to whisper "oooh I see you have a plate of the blandest food possible". I'm paying 30$ for a buffet, yes I'm gonna load up on my spring rolls, rice, etc because that's what I like. I said nothing. Next plate I come back and it has some broccoli. She leans in "ooh a little colour". It was very condescending, rude, belittling, and now I never want to go back to that restaurant because every time I pass it all I think of is her words. She has made other similar comments about the food I make and eat before. I've never dared to say anything about the food she eats, even in jest. She would never let it slide and would bitch, become mean, or pout if I even dared to joke.
Lots and lots of little biting, condescending and mean things like the above have been said with increasing frequency over the last few years. Then there's the more egregious things, like I woke up really groggy at her place and her mom wasn't there. I muttered "huh has she gone grocery shopping?" Because I'm half asleep and her parents go grocery shopping often on the weekend. She fucking EXPLODES at me and screams "no!!!! She had chemo yesterday! Of course she's not grocery shopping!" I'm fucking flabbergasted at her literally screaming at me and say "you're being really rude" and she SCREAMS "YOU'RE RUDE!" Mind you, this was after she'd gone to bother her own mother to wake up and make her breakfast the day after a chemo treatment only a few weeks before. I'd been shocked at that, and it still disturbs me, I still hear her going to her sleeping exhausted mother "mom mom get up make me breakfast!" So her performative anger at my groggy mistake is extra absurd. She then went downstairs and pouted in her room.
Yes, I talked with her about it. Finally I got her to listen to me, about six(?) months ago and she said she was going to change. She was more pleasant for a few weeks but has gone back to her old self.
She's become arrogant and entitled. She straight up told me any man she dates has to have a job so they can take care of her when she gets older. She refuses to get a real job aside from her little side gigs that don't make enough money to "adult". She's lived with her parents for years now and doesn't have to do groceries, cook etc but she has absolutely no gratitude or awareness of her privilege. She is extremely out of touch, but thinks she's THE shit and most knowledgeable. This is in contrast to myself who has been on my own for almost ten years now. Yet she acts like she knows everything about "adulting" and it really gets on my nerves as someone who is ACTUALLY on my own.
Of course I never say shit because she can't handle any kind of disagreement.
Nobody is ever allowed to correct her, nobody can suggest she may be mistaken, nobody can express disagreement or she gets rude, pouty, or both. She has lost any and all semblance of humility yet loves to claim she's super empathetic. There's been times I pretended to be sick when she invited me over because I felt I couldn't handle her being mean to me if she decided to do so.
She got a new boyfriend right before my cat had to be put down and then ditched me for a month and a half, barely talked to me, despite knowing I was depressed as hell. She only finally started talking to me when I was honest when her mom reached out to ask how I was doing.
She didn't used to be this way. And sometimes pieces of the old her come through. For example joking around with memes, or when she drove me when I had to put my cat down. But she has lost all humility, she's become arrogant and entitled, and she's really my only friend where I live. She won't listen to anything I have to say, and I tried talking to her about this but her commitment to give a shit hasn't lasted.
I feel so lonely and like I'm mourning the friend I once had. I've never dealt with something like this before. Nobody is perfect but that doesn't mean I'm ok with how mean, entitled, and arrogant she's become. I don't know what to do.
OH and I forget to mention, for an extra dose of irony
A few months ago before she met her new man, she called me sobbing and begging me to promise I'd never abandon her (she had gotten cut off by her previous boyfriend). Just sobbing her heart out begging. I promised.
Guess that doesn't go both ways.
We are both 27. Knew each other throughout elementary and high school. Kept close when I moved away. About three years ago my long term boyfriend broke up with me and she and her family helped me relocate to their city. I started to spend lots of time with her in person after 8 years of barely seeing her and only going up to her city for yearly visits for a few days at a time.
It happened slowly. Over time she would interrupt me more often, and say small, biting things. She either doesn't think she's being mean, or she enjoys it. She started to be more condescending and judgemental. For example, I'm fat. I also love her cat, who hates me. I was joking around about how much I love her cat (let's call the cat Kitty). She goes "yeah, you're Kitty's biggest fan. Kitty's BIGGEST" (puts her arms out in a round shape around her stomach) "fan". I was too shocked to do anything but laugh.
We went to a Chinese buffet with her family's exchange student and when the student was gone to get food, my friend leans in to whisper "oooh I see you have a plate of the blandest food possible". I'm paying 30$ for a buffet, yes I'm gonna load up on my spring rolls, rice, etc because that's what I like. I said nothing. Next plate I come back and it has some broccoli. She leans in "ooh a little colour". It was very condescending, rude, belittling, and now I never want to go back to that restaurant because every time I pass it all I think of is her words. She has made other similar comments about the food I make and eat before. I've never dared to say anything about the food she eats, even in jest. She would never let it slide and would bitch, become mean, or pout if I even dared to joke.
Lots and lots of little biting, condescending and mean things like the above have been said with increasing frequency over the last few years. Then there's the more egregious things, like I woke up really groggy at her place and her mom wasn't there. I muttered "huh has she gone grocery shopping?" Because I'm half asleep and her parents go grocery shopping often on the weekend. She fucking EXPLODES at me and screams "no!!!! She had chemo yesterday! Of course she's not grocery shopping!" I'm fucking flabbergasted at her literally screaming at me and say "you're being really rude" and she SCREAMS "YOU'RE RUDE!" Mind you, this was after she'd gone to bother her own mother to wake up and make her breakfast the day after a chemo treatment only a few weeks before. I'd been shocked at that, and it still disturbs me, I still hear her going to her sleeping exhausted mother "mom mom get up make me breakfast!" So her performative anger at my groggy mistake is extra absurd. She then went downstairs and pouted in her room.
Yes, I talked with her about it. Finally I got her to listen to me, about six(?) months ago and she said she was going to change. She was more pleasant for a few weeks but has gone back to her old self.
She's become arrogant and entitled. She straight up told me any man she dates has to have a job so they can take care of her when she gets older. She refuses to get a real job aside from her little side gigs that don't make enough money to "adult". She's lived with her parents for years now and doesn't have to do groceries, cook etc but she has absolutely no gratitude or awareness of her privilege. She is extremely out of touch, but thinks she's THE shit and most knowledgeable. This is in contrast to myself who has been on my own for almost ten years now. Yet she acts like she knows everything about "adulting" and it really gets on my nerves as someone who is ACTUALLY on my own.
Of course I never say shit because she can't handle any kind of disagreement.
Nobody is ever allowed to correct her, nobody can suggest she may be mistaken, nobody can express disagreement or she gets rude, pouty, or both. She has lost any and all semblance of humility yet loves to claim she's super empathetic. There's been times I pretended to be sick when she invited me over because I felt I couldn't handle her being mean to me if she decided to do so.
She got a new boyfriend right before my cat had to be put down and then ditched me for a month and a half, barely talked to me, despite knowing I was depressed as hell. She only finally started talking to me when I was honest when her mom reached out to ask how I was doing.
She didn't used to be this way. And sometimes pieces of the old her come through. For example joking around with memes, or when she drove me when I had to put my cat down. But she has lost all humility, she's become arrogant and entitled, and she's really my only friend where I live. She won't listen to anything I have to say, and I tried talking to her about this but her commitment to give a shit hasn't lasted.
I feel so lonely and like I'm mourning the friend I once had. I've never dealt with something like this before. Nobody is perfect but that doesn't mean I'm ok with how mean, entitled, and arrogant she's become. I don't know what to do.
OH and I forget to mention, for an extra dose of irony
A few months ago before she met her new man, she called me sobbing and begging me to promise I'd never abandon her (she had gotten cut off by her previous boyfriend). Just sobbing her heart out begging. I promised.
Guess that doesn't go both ways.
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