Venting Mother always shows I don't belong here.

[Archness]

Mother's so annoying. Always says to "Grow Up" but not allowed to actually do or decide anything. Actively searching for things to complain about, anything can be a reason, so the only real signal is that I shouldn't exist in the first place. Never stfu about how life sucks, is just pain, suffering responsibilities, etc. Always gets mad how I don't know how to do things and just intimidates me with that.

Then she fucking turns around and mentions how "smart" or otherwise "capable" I am. This is merely an attempt to trick reality, and she inevitably gets frustrated when it doesn't work.

Very annoying. I've simply become more indifferent as this is simply the default state of things. Even to my own life and this world, I've lost interest since it's apparent that I don't belong


This wasn't structured since I was just reminded of some thoughts, from a minor interaction. I was just writing what came to mind.
Hmm, why should I even write, or make sure to do it right actually? What good will it do? In the end, it's all I can do to really exist in a world I don't belong.

 

[ZeroRedz02]

Mother's so annoying. Always says to "Grow Up" but not allowed to actually do or decide anything. Actively searching for things to complain about, anything can be a reason, so the only real signal is that I shouldn't exist in the first place. Never stfu about how life sucks, is just pain, suffering responsibilities, etc. Always gets mad how I don't know how to do things and just intimidates me with that.

Then she fucking turns around and mentions how "smart" or otherwise "capable" I am. This is merely an attempt to trick reality, and she inevitably gets frustrated when it doesn't work.

Very annoying. I've simply become more indifferent as this is simply the default state of things. Even to my own life and this world, I've lost interest since it's apparent that I don't belong


This wasn't structured since I was just reminded of some thoughts, from a minor interaction. I was just writing what came to mind.
Hmm, why should I even write, or make sure to do it right actually? What good will it do? In the end, it's all I can do to really exist in a world I don't belong.

That is so much near my experience with mom, she said the same thing, but i couldn't remember the grow up part probably don't wanted to hurt me, but i miss her because it was an excellent mom and a very good one, it was just me to be ignorant about everything, even my grandma was altered with me sometimes they was both nice to me i was the only problem in this family, they never guided me too much and i will be sincere that even if they did wouldn't changed anything because i needed to change it myself, which i didn't for all my life..

P.S: and yes of course me too i am totally indifferent to life and to live it too.