Venting Most people can't take a fraction of humiliation I'm going through. Yet I'm expected to just suck it up.

[Sadbanana]

I know it, because of the things they complain about. They can't handle rejection and smallest inconveniences or any time someone is slightly rude to them. I get the feeling that they wouldn't survived a day inside my skin for a day.

Because of my autism I was very often treated as immature or stupid. I get zero respect. My whole life is a cascade of rejections. I got bullied and I was treated with so much contempt and disdain from certain people as if I was a spawn of satan. Or at best as if I didn't exist.

I can't work. But not because I would be incapable, but because of all the trauma I went through I have panic attacks sometimes and I need to leave the job immediately. Which is something most employers don't accept.

Many people thought I was arrogant, when all I was doing is treating them the same way they treat me. I just wanted to show them what it feels, but I guess it's ok when they do it to me, because I'm autistic and don't deserve basic dignity.

But none of them understands why I need to kill myself. This just doesn't feel good, my brain is wired to need respect. I can't describe how bad the feeling of worthlessness is, but it's so bad that I would reather stop existing alltogether then ever having to feel that again.

 

[Mooncry]

Being autistic in this world is constant humiliation. You're treated as something less than human and nobody understands. I don't work either due to trauma and anxiety attacks. The longest I ever held a job was a few months and the self-mutilation I did to my body due to sheer stress and repressed anxiety was terrible. I would pick the skin of my fingers so deep it would bleed and I'd have trouble using my hands. I'd lash out at everyone around me because I couldn't handle the stress. When it eventually got to be too much and I quit that job after a mental breakdown (that was a long time coming), it stopped.

I literally cannot handle living in this world. I tell people that it's "severe anxiety," but that's downplaying it so much and makes them think I'm just lazy and pathetic. And of course I'm high functioning/high masking enough that I don't "present" as autistic, which just makes people doubt the validity of my struggles even more.

I give up. I can't wait to be out of this hellhole.

 

[Strangerdanger7]

I understand your frustration, but you give them too much power by letting them know they can control your thoughts, your expectations; they're not yours if you're giving them that much power over you and your life. You need to learn to tell them to screw off nicely.
Oh, it's freeing, and it gets the point across.
Life's pretty much going to be what it is, disappointing and depressing.
Approach it that way, and you'll never be disappointed,; always be prepared.
Some things are certain; death comes to us all. It's just a matter of when.

 

[Sadbanana]

Being autistic in this world is constant humiliation. You're treated as something less than human and nobody understands. I don't work either due to trauma and anxiety attacks. The longest I ever held a job was a few months and the self-mutilation I did to my body due to sheer stress and repressed anxiety was terrible. I would pick the skin of my fingers so deep it would bleed and I'd have trouble using my hands. I'd lash out at everyone around me because I couldn't handle the stress. When it eventually got to be too much and I quit that job after a mental breakdown (that was a long time coming), it stopped.

I literally cannot handle living in this world. I tell people that it's "severe anxiety," but that's downplaying it so much and makes them think I'm just lazy and pathetic. And of course I'm high functioning/high masking enough that I don't "present" as autistic, which just makes people doubt the validity of my struggles even more.

I give up. I can't wait to be out of this hellhole.

Yeah and the funny thing is "they" made me incapable of working, with all the bullshit I had to go through. I used to be a very motivated student and made it to probably the best schools in my region. They caused me to burn out by treating me like subhuman and no metter how much I accomplished, how hard I tried maskinh was ever enough to change it. Now I'm supposed to feel ashamed for not being able to work, I doubt they would be able to, if they went through the same hell.

 

[dontwakemeup]

I'm not Austin and don't understand what it feel like to be or how it makes life challenging. I want to 1st apologize for my ignorance. I read your postand I'm sorry you have to deal with this. My suggestion is to learn how to ignore people and not let their words give them power! If it's not your friends or family who cares for you, then their words should be pointless! I know it's sounds easier than done but I had to learn this. People have made me sarcastic and nasty! I usually ignore people. If I decide to respond it will be some sarcastic and rude to embarrass them. But I have realized, the best response and power comes from totally ignoring people! They hate it and it makes them furious. Lol. Best wishes to you. And even if you weren't Austic, people would find something else to bother you about.

 

[Haematemesis]

As someone suspecting autism from myself I understand most of what you said. And I want to hug you

But you are not alone. People use this phrase a lot in vain but I think it means something when used between autistics. Autistics all share very very similar experiences. I hope it gets better

 

[Pale_Rider]

Yeah , it's always the ones with golden lives telling everybody else to suck it up. I feel you there.

 

[IDontKnowEverything]

Similar type of situation here. A few people can give condolences, but not being able to function in this world means not being able to function in this world fullstop. I'm tired, so tired of always trying to do all I can just to survive, knowing I still can't do it all, often not even half of it. How do people manage. Where do you even fit in being happy. Sorry for the short no-sense rant I'm very exsausted right now and don't know what I'm talking about. But I am definitely sending many hugs your way. Much love for you dude, truly a lot of love.

 

[KlMeNw]

Being autistic in this world is constant humiliation. You're treated as something less than human and nobody understands. I don't work either due to trauma and anxiety attacks. The longest I ever held a job was a few months and the self-mutilation I did to my body due to sheer stress and repressed anxiety was terrible. I would pick the skin of my fingers so deep it would bleed and I'd have trouble using my hands. I'd lash out at everyone around me because I couldn't handle the stress. When it eventually got to be too much and I quit that job after a mental breakdown (that was a long time coming), it stopped.

I literally cannot handle living in this world. I tell people that it's "severe anxiety," but that's downplaying it so much and makes them think I'm just lazy and pathetic. And of course I'm high functioning/high masking enough that I don't "present" as autistic, which just makes people doubt the validity of my struggles even more.

I give up. I can't wait to be out of this hellhole.

Have you been tested?

 

[Mooncry]

Have you been tested?

Yeah. Modern society has tested me enough, thanks. :|

 

[Dreaming In Aconite]

For real.

You're never liked by anyone fully in this culture if you have even the slightest bit of deviation from their dull, absent-mindedly cruel norms. They hate talking to you. They hate accomodations. They hate emotions. They hate not having emotions.

I just dont know why neurotypical ideas of good are so damn hollow. These bastards belive in the dumbest moral cons and are too fucking gullible for life itself even. Yet they're the dominant neurotype.

I fucking dread what their visions and poisonous dreaming really considers.

Most neurotypical people don't want to live as idyllic, harmonious, equals. They just like the way these concepts sound and role play them to feel deserving of reactionary praise and seldom understand real difference. Their all a blur of color. That's why clarity is so hard for them sometimes.

It's what makes prejudice easy for them.

To be honest I actually think black and white thinking is awesome. I think it's actually my favorite parts about this condition. Yeah and may make us complete, inconsolable asswipes to be around but, their "gray area" shit nauseates me to bitching out so hard with no end lol

They know they don't deserve our potential. It's so funny too. Just constant excoriation for when we actually begin to care about being better. Can't let your autistic co-worker show off tooooo much that'll make them feel useless right? Lol.

God forbid we remind anyone to accept the implications of...a different way.

 

[Sadbanana]

For real.

You're never liked by anyone fully in this culture if you have even the slightest bit of deviation from their dull, absent-mindedly cruel norms. They hate talking to you. They hate accomodations. They hate emotions. They hate not having emotions.

I just dont know why neurotypical ideas of good are so damn hollow. These bastards belive in the dumbest moral cons and are too fucking gullible for life itself even. Yet they're the dominant neurotype.

I fucking dread what their visions and poisonous dreaming really considers.

Most neurotypical people don't want to live as idyllic, harmonious, equals. They just like the way these concepts sound and role play them to feel deserving of reactionary praise and seldom understand real difference. Their all a blur of color. That's why clarity is so hard for them sometimes.

It's what makes prejudice easy for them.

To be honest I actually think black and white thinking is awesome. I think it's actually my favorite parts about this condition. Yeah and may make us complete, inconsolable asswipes to be around but, their "gray area" shit nauseates me to bitching out so hard with no end lol

They know they don't deserve our potential. It's so funny too. Just constant excoriation for when we actually begin to care about being better. Can't let your autistic co-worker show off tooooo much that'll make them feel useless right? Lol.

God forbid we remind anyone to accept the implications of...a different way.

Neurotipical society is based purely on lies, from politics to personal relationship. It's not efficient, but they just can't help themselves.

I would say they are also disabled like us, just when there is so many of they they believe it's normal.

 

[ScaredtoTry]

I'm sorry you are going through this I feel very similar.

Even tho I'm disabled I'm high functioning so i almost feel like I should just be normal like everyone else but I'm not. Makes me feel like an absolute failure in life.

I spent Christmas with my family hiding in the bathroom at multiple times just crying because I'm not happy or normal like them. I don't think they would understand tbh so I just hide it.