Venting Most people can't take a fraction of humiliation I'm going through. Yet I'm expected to just suck it up.

[Sadbanana]

I know it, because of the things they complain about. They can't handle rejection and smallest inconveniences or any time someone is slightly rude to them. I get the feeling that they wouldn't survived a day inside my skin for a day.

Because of my autism I was very often treated as immature or stupid. I get zero respect. My whole life is a cascade of rejections. I got bullied and I was treated with so much contempt and disdain from certain people as if I was a spawn of satan. Or at best as if I didn't exist.

I can't work. But not because I would be incapable, but because of all the trauma I went through I have panic attacks sometimes and I need to leave the job immediately. Which is something most employers don't accept.

Many people thought I was arrogant, when all I was doing is treating them the same way they treat me. I just wanted to show them what it feels, but I guess it's ok when they do it to me, because I'm autistic and don't deserve basic dignity.

But none of them understands why I need to kill myself. This just doesn't feel good, my brain is wired to need respect. I can't describe how bad the feeling of worthlessness is, but it's so bad that I would reather stop existing alltogether then ever having to feel that again.

 

[Mooncry]

Being autistic in this world is constant humiliation. You're treated as something less than human and nobody understands. I don't work either due to trauma and anxiety attacks. The longest I ever held a job was a few months and the self-mutilation I did to my body due to sheer stress and repressed anxiety was terrible. I would pick the skin of my fingers so deep it would bleed and I'd have trouble using my hands. I'd lash out at everyone around me because I couldn't handle the stress. When it eventually got to be too much and I quit that job after a mental breakdown (that was a long time coming), it stopped.

I literally cannot handle living in this world. I tell people that it's "severe anxiety," but that's downplaying it so much and makes them think I'm just lazy and pathetic. And of course I'm high functioning/high masking enough that I don't "present" as autistic, which just makes people doubt the validity of my struggles even more.

I give up. I can't wait to be out of this hellhole.

 

[Strangerdanger7]

I understand your frustration, but you give them too much power by letting them know they can control your thoughts, your expectations; they're not yours if you're giving them that much power over you and your life. You need to learn to tell them to screw off nicely.
Oh, it's freeing, and it gets the point across.
Life's pretty much going to be what it is, disappointing and depressing.
Approach it that way, and you'll never be disappointed,; always be prepared.
Some things are certain; death comes to us all. It's just a matter of when.

 

[Sadbanana]

Being autistic in this world is constant humiliation. You're treated as something less than human and nobody understands. I don't work either due to trauma and anxiety attacks. The longest I ever held a job was a few months and the self-mutilation I did to my body due to sheer stress and repressed anxiety was terrible. I would pick the skin of my fingers so deep it would bleed and I'd have trouble using my hands. I'd lash out at everyone around me because I couldn't handle the stress. When it eventually got to be too much and I quit that job after a mental breakdown (that was a long time coming), it stopped.

I literally cannot handle living in this world. I tell people that it's "severe anxiety," but that's downplaying it so much and makes them think I'm just lazy and pathetic. And of course I'm high functioning/high masking enough that I don't "present" as autistic, which just makes people doubt the validity of my struggles even more.

I give up. I can't wait to be out of this hellhole.

Yeah and the funny thing is "they" made me incapable of working, with all the bullshit I had to go through. I used to be a very motivated student and made it to probably the best schools in my region. They caused me to burn out by treating me like subhuman and no metter how much I accomplished, how hard I tried maskinh was ever enough to change it. Now I'm supposed to feel ashamed for not being able to work, I doubt they would be able to, if they went through the same hell.

 

[dontwakemeup]

I'm not Austin and don't understand what it feel like to be or how it makes life challenging. I want to 1st apologize for my ignorance. I read your postand I'm sorry you have to deal with this. My suggestion is to learn how to ignore people and not let their words give them power! If it's not your friends or family who cares for you, then their words should be pointless! I know it's sounds easier than done but I had to learn this. People have made me sarcastic and nasty! I usually ignore people. If I decide to respond it will be some sarcastic and rude to embarrass them. But I have realized, the best response and power comes from totally ignoring people! They hate it and it makes them furious. Lol. Best wishes to you. And even if you weren't Austic, people would find something else to bother you about.

 

[Haematemesis]

As someone suspecting autism from myself I understand most of what you said. And I want to hug you

But you are not alone. People use this phrase a lot in vain but I think it means something when used between autistics. Autistics all share very very similar experiences. I hope it gets better

 

[Pale_Rider]

Yeah , it's always the ones with golden lives telling everybody else to suck it up. I feel you there.