Story More drugs, yay -_-

[Housefly]

Went for a refill of my stuff, my psych knows I don't want to take a whole lot of drugs (if I have to be on drugs that can and will fuck up my liver and kidneys then what's the point). I noticed she was asking questions that sounds like she's suspecting characteristics of OCD in which she's going to get me on drugs to deal with. Not now, I'm still dealing with the lithium which I have to do frequent blood work just to make sure I'm not harming my organs by accident. My ideation is more passive, kind of like a muscle twitch when I'm in distress or anxious, so I think the meds are working. I'm slowly removing society getting a job, I have a partner now who are both understanding of my condition. Yet I know it's not sustainable and I'll be on more drugs till I'm resistant and tired. I would quit going at all and just allow myself to wallow until I kill myself but parents will keep me in until the psych says otherwise.

So yes... More fucking drugs. All of this is universal healthcare so I'm getting treatment for free and I feel bad that it's being wasted on me. I have art therapy coming up soon, I don't even know what to tell her anymore, I've said everything. We've established that I'm not delusional and the things I worry about are genuine things to be anxious about sometimes. I don't want more drugs, I want to rest in peace. I don't want to wait until life gets better because I don't care if it does.

Objectively, I'm making progress but deep down I know there's only way out.