captivebutterfly
Member
- Aug 9, 2023
- 21
I have the perfect date picked out, the anniversary of my father's death. I figured that way my family only have to grieve that one day a year, rather than there being a second one. It's also within the next month so it's far away from birthdays and Christmas.
The problem is it's coming up faster than I had expected it to and I'm starting to feel worried about it. It's not that I don't want to die, trust me I do and my brain screams that at me 24/7. What is making me doubtful though, are things like ensuring I see family members and friends one last time before I go through with it, I don't want to leave them beating themselves up because they hadn't seen it recently. But for the friends that live hours away from me it's been really hard to make plans in time for my date. Don't get me wrong, I am afraid of death, but I welcome it, it's just that I'm worried if I rush things and don't give myself the appropriate time to deal with matters first then people that loved me would be harmed. even more so.
Every day is painful but I've made it this far, maybe I need to change my date. It's not IF I CTB, it's WHEN.
The problem is it's coming up faster than I had expected it to and I'm starting to feel worried about it. It's not that I don't want to die, trust me I do and my brain screams that at me 24/7. What is making me doubtful though, are things like ensuring I see family members and friends one last time before I go through with it, I don't want to leave them beating themselves up because they hadn't seen it recently. But for the friends that live hours away from me it's been really hard to make plans in time for my date. Don't get me wrong, I am afraid of death, but I welcome it, it's just that I'm worried if I rush things and don't give myself the appropriate time to deal with matters first then people that loved me would be harmed. even more so.
Every day is painful but I've made it this far, maybe I need to change my date. It's not IF I CTB, it's WHEN.