Can you describe physically what you were feeling during and after? How bad was it?
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No hers is from the jungle website it's off there now
Been super mentally ill since 8 and have a kid? And trying to ctb with a kid?
please let us know more about what you think went wrong when you're back on your feet. Im sorry youre going through all this pain
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it is always the ones who stress the most about you cheating/leaving that end up doing the cheating/leaving. always 100% projection and insecurity. always comes with emotional abuse. i can relate
nightnightnitrite
baby blues
- Apr 17, 2021
- 483
It was definitely the puking, I think I would have succeeded if I drank more honestly, however I'm not sure how much I took, I poured quite a bit into a water bottle, gave it a shake and drank away.
None! I thought I could stomach it but I puked a little bit four times since there wasn't much in my stomach.
I got there, let them know what was up and I wasn't suicidal, just made a poor "seasoning" choice. I had blood drawn, Ekg but honestly I got better all by myself. I doordashed mcdonald's to the er waiting room before I got sent back and placed on a hold which helped absorb most of it and I should have just went home. I was also puking in the waiting room and they had to give me a bag:,) so that helped me get the rest out. It's like the SN refused to metabolize. I had low blood pressure for me(they usually say I'm perfect range) and my blood took 10 minutes to draw and I'm normally a fast blood draw.
Thank you:,) I came back to an empty apartment and in a few minutes I'm going to have to file a missing report for my son because his father kidnapped him and refuses to respond to my texts and calls. I got released from the psych hospital(the transported me to one after the main hospital because of the 72 hour legal hold). I got out around 3pm yesterday. I also had my friend and her dad go visit his parents in Cali in hopes they've seen him but no luck. Not even when I let him know I'm going to be filing a missing persons report did he message me back. I'm very worried for my son. He's not even year old yet, that happens on the 18th.
It honestly wasn't bad but I enjoyed partial hanging when I tried it:,). You're heart rate speeds up and it feels like a panic attack at most but I wasn't scared. Then I got a bad headache and I felt so slow. I could barely get dressed and walk. I had to put on slip on shoes and the loosest t shirt I could find because my coordination just wasn't there. Then the puking happened, I'm bulimic during the hot seasons so it wasnt too bad, I felt skinny(lol) but it definitely wasn't ideal either. But overall definitely a painless way to go and I recovered quicker than I expected from it. It took about a 20 minutes for me to realize I was actually feeling something, 15 more minutes for me to start puking.
No I ordered it $20 from the jungle, I'm from the states and idk what IC is:,)
My child's father encouraged it. Let me know he already has "step mothers" in mind so me dying wouldn't be a problem. I didn't want to leave my kid but he has mentally and emotionally abused me for quite sometime. However, I am renting a house in the suburbs of Cali next month and my kid will start a montessori daycare. I have a job lined up when I get out there too if that keeps you off my dick for a little bit<3 Also with this kidnapping, (haven't seen my son in days and his father isn't answering my hourly calls and texts) I plan to get full custody and keep his father far away from me.
Puking and not taking more after. Also the failed message I scheduled to send on my Iphone messed up. I sent the wrong version early and I thought if you delete a shortcut it'll stop the message but you have to disable it first. He came home and it just wasn't a good vibe.
Puking and not taking more after. Also the failed message I scheduled to send on my Iphone messed up. I sent the wrong version early and I thought if you delete a shortcut it'll stop the message but you have to disable it first. He came home and it just wasn't a good vibe.
I realize that now. He has bought onlyfans, refuses to stop talking to some girls and he is a porn addict. My birthday(June 24th) was my tipping point. I woke up to him masturbating in the shower and had to clean up his piss from the couch, carpet and ground because he got wasted like usual. I stopped washing his dishes and he just let it pile up as well as the bathroom got absolutely disgusting. The yelling never stops:,)
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nightnightnitrite
baby blues
- Apr 17, 2021
- 483
Ok now for the part your wondering about: If I committed how did I get out so quick. I stated I was never suicidal, the doctor actually fucked up and I caught them on camera backtracking on me saying I was suicidal and they had to drop it to "unclear intent". I said I was making a single serving of mashed potatoes and while seasoning it I didn't have normal salt so I used the sodium nitrite but the bottle said "meat preserve" and was salty so I thought I could substitute it. It also helped that my friend immediately found a house for me in Cali and a job for when I get out there so it didn't make sense for me to kill myself when I had so many opportunities. I also was kind of manic and felt stupid for even considering leaving my kid after because their dad told me to do it. I was smiling and attending groups the whole time locked up and stuck to my story.
They had to hold me because of my "history of depression" but they didn't end up writing down it was intentional:,)
Bad news: it's not kidnapping since he's the father even though there's no record of him being the father on any legal document.
I already tossed out my SN so I can't take anymore. Idk why this shit happens to me, I'm so tired. "Just report your abuse" but then I'm told "we cant do anything". Him being an alcoholic, druggy, or abusive couldn't even get me help. It doesn't make sense. The world would rather watch a victim suffer in silence then help but lock them up if they express suicidal ideation. Nice:)
No I feel stupid for even letting my kids father push me that far. I just want my revenge to be me succeeding and getting everything I need without him. I know I can do it. I have some good friends and I plan on getting help when I'm back near my health care provider in California. All I could think about was my kid when I was on a hold and once I get him back(if I ever do) I don't want to ever jeopardize that.
They had to hold me because of my "history of depression" but they didn't end up writing down it was intentional:,)
Bad news: it's not kidnapping since he's the father even though there's no record of him being the father on any legal document.
I already tossed out my SN so I can't take anymore. Idk why this shit happens to me, I'm so tired. "Just report your abuse" but then I'm told "we cant do anything". Him being an alcoholic, druggy, or abusive couldn't even get me help. It doesn't make sense. The world would rather watch a victim suffer in silence then help but lock them up if they express suicidal ideation. Nice:)
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I'm sorry. Sounding a bit more positive to I'm happy. But to clarify you wouldn't do it again because the method was awful. Or because you're thinking differently
nightnightnitrite
baby blues
- Apr 17, 2021
- 483
Thinking differently, the method was awesome not going to lie. Much more comfortable then I originally thought.
nightnightnitrite
baby blues
- Apr 17, 2021
- 483
No they didn't, it was such a horrible hospital honestly. I doordashed some mcdonald's which helped soak up most of it and after a few hours my breathing went back to normal and I didn't even feel like I was ever feeling bad.
Judy Garland
HoHum
- Mar 23, 2022
- 826
Wow. Glad you're feeling better and out of the hospital. Sorry for what's going on with your son and his father. Did you take 25g of the sodium nitrite, or just eyeball it? I bought mine from the jungle too, it came from Turkey (and it's not listed anymore), did yours come from Turkey? I'm sorry I'm asking you that, but I'm planning on taking mine in a few weeks, and I'm worried that it's not going to work, and that I'll fail. I've failed at everything in my life, I really can't fail at dying. I need my pain to end.
nightnightnitrite
baby blues
- Apr 17, 2021
- 483
Thank you<3 I eyeballed it, I wasn't measuring just pouring a lot because I was planning on it working with my weight and size. I'm not exactly sure where it came from. I can check though hold on!
Edit-Unfortunately it won't tell me where it came from because it's not on my orders list(must have been old account) but I did get it off the Jungle.
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Did you feel dizzy and lightheaded ? Like you were going to pass out when you took it. Hands felt heavy ? That's how I felt along with the racing heart , I also took too small an amount to CTB
veryhappyhuman
Specialist
- Aug 25, 2021
- 340
People please, I don't want to speak for OP but I think it's clear she is trying to move on from the attempt and now has a more positive outlook on her future. If you just need SN experiences you can find dozens in the forum, just use the search function. I'd suggest not pestering OP further about what she did/felt in her attempt.
OP, I'm truly heartened to hear that things are turning around slowly for you! I hope life stays this course and you get some normalcy back. I am sure you will get your kid back soon, and wish you good luck in Cali!
OP, I'm truly heartened to hear that things are turning around slowly for you! I hope life stays this course and you get some normalcy back. I am sure you will get your kid back soon, and wish you good luck in Cali!
nightnightnitrite
baby blues
- Apr 17, 2021
- 483
Reading that made me think of "his palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy, there's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti". XD
However, I didn't feel dizzy, just confused and like I couldn't think. It took so much work to put on my shoes and I had to pick ones I didn't have to tie. I was just really slow mentally and physically. It's like things were slowing down and coming to a stop but I couldn't process it. My breathing was the worst part of it though, my body wasn't exhausted but I was breathing like I just ran 4k.
Thank you for the kind words<3 And yes, if they truly did the reading and seen me around here they'd know I love my kid and they pushed me into the recovery section a few months ago which I previously and very cynically thought was useless. Having someone tell you they can replace you, you aren't a good person and you'd be better off dead isn't great especially when he was the only one I saw everyday(made sure of that by getting mad anytime I wanted to go out and hang with friends). My kid isn't back and there has been no response from him. He has to go to work on Tuesday so I'm hoping he resurfaces soon so I can take my kid back and run. I have a good exit strategy and it's now a waiting game. I'm trying not to dwell on the fact I might not see my kid for a long time.(Court cases take money and I'm a SAHM).
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Dot
Info abt typng styl on prfle.
- Sep 26, 2021
- 3,199
Am gld tht ur exprnce hs u cnsidrng dffrnt avnues - hpe tht wrks fr u as snds as thgh u cre abt ur son mre thn th/ fathr ds
GentleJerk
Carrot juice pimp.
- Dec 14, 2021
- 1,372
"his palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy, there's vomit on his sweater already, mom's eS eNny"
sorry I had to do it.. How have I not seen this thread? Words of solidarity have never really been my strong suit, and I know this thread is from a little while ago, but man I hope that everything that can go well, does go well, and all the right things happen for you, so that this whole situation is sorted out and you + your children can have the peace and happiness you guys definitely deserve.
You have all my support, and wishing you guys all the very best, always.
I'm so sorry for the pain you're enduring. Is there anyway you can wait it out two months? Do you have your own source of income so you and your child can be in safe shelter away from your ex and you can repair from this?
nightnightnitrite
baby blues
- Apr 17, 2021
- 483
My kids not back yet and I have $0.17 to my name and no transportation because he's made me be a stay at home mom and got mad anytime I tried to express getting a job(also picked up more hours so there was no one to watch my kid if I did get a job). I get evicted on the 14th if I can't get the church to help in rent tomorrow. In order for me to do anything I need my kid which he is refusing to answer me about.
