bugfart
12x mental hospital stays
- May 21, 2023
- 31
I'm visiting my family and he intentionally ruined it. He has bullied me the worst he has ever bullied me. He's going to send an email to my school and police won't do anything. He's been meaning to sabotage my college career in order to control me. He wants to make me hurt like he hurts, whatever that means.
I've stopped going out or talking to our previous online friends. I've made myself small and avoided everyone but him. The abuse has escalated to telling me to kill my self and calling me every slur and epithet in the book when I just tell him "I'm having a bad day and I need to lay down" when asked what I'm doing. I sent him a picture of me laying down. He said I was cheating and that I wasn't laying down. I was and that was verifiable. His whole goal is to make me feel crazy. I was laying down in bed and crying about a bad day at class.
Today someone I used to talk to in chats decided to troll him and told him that I was cheating on him with him. I've never even direct messaged this guy before except to talk about mild drama other people were having that resulted in us being removed from certain chats like "dude that was weird" and "yeah it is weird". As our only conversation. My bf believed it. He was saying I sent him nudes when I've never done such a thing and I dont even know this guy. My bf called me over and over on the first weekend home in months in front of my family.
I turned my phone off and then checked it again and saw threats to email my college and he threatened to fuck another girl and film it and I woke up to my entire previous online friend group bullying me. I asked the guy to stop telling my bf that I was cheating on him and lying because it's obviously not true and he sent every message I sent about the situation to a chat I'm not in. They were tearing me apart.
I made the wrong group of people mad. He's intentionally ruined my one weekend home with my family and embarrassed me. He's threatened a lot of things today. I can't even name all of it. And he's freaking out that he's losing control over me and that I'm wanting to leave. He's started calling me a foid and screamed at me over call and voice message about how I don't listen or care and how I don't care about his feelings.
All he talks about is his feelings and his feelings are SO important apparently that I have to watch him kill himself, he has to false repory me to my college and the police, has to bully me, I have to listen to the bullying to show I care and respond in the exact perfect way, and it never stops. His feelings are not important. His feelings are only a desire to control me. I've preemptively emailed my college about my stalker but a police case seems hopeless.
Nothing I say will calm him and I've been the victim now of a misogynistic hate campaign. My schizophrenic boyfriend has picked up every single incel rhetoric and calls me a foid, a whore, a bitch, and says that I don't deserve anything. He claims he wants to keep me but he says I deserve nothing less than death and to be beat to death.
He only wants to keep me to abuse me. He tells me to cut myself and send it and he says that I deserve nothing and that he will never forgive me or be kind to me or be a partner to me and he doesn't love me. I keep telling him that I'm tired of being relentlessly bullied by him every day all day with no trigger (the events have been getting worse as I talk to him more and avoid everything that makes him even slightly upset). And he tells me that I don't deserve love or kindness and that I only gaslight him and lie (which I don't do).
He won't leave me alone and his orbiters and friends won't. I left all these online spaces months ago because he hated me meddling in his chats and seeing what he was saying or talking to his friends or making friends online. These people have no reason to talk to me or about me.
I also don't have hope for school or my exams or my friends. I guess I wanted to go clubbing before I died. I had to go home this weekend and it was required. I have to put on only a shiny happy face and never express any emotion but happiness or I'll be potentially sent away again. I don't want that to happen. My family doesn't understand and I've told them some about this guy but not all and they've made fun of me for him too.
I want to drink a bunch of alcohol and take a bunch of Xanax/klonopin and NyQuil so I'm inebriated and try low suspension hanging. If that doesn't work then I'm just gonna be shitfaced af and I'll put more thought into actually buying a gun. I can't trust anyone and a bunch of people pretend to be my friend both irl and online for the purposes of bullying me.
I've stopped going out or talking to our previous online friends. I've made myself small and avoided everyone but him. The abuse has escalated to telling me to kill my self and calling me every slur and epithet in the book when I just tell him "I'm having a bad day and I need to lay down" when asked what I'm doing. I sent him a picture of me laying down. He said I was cheating and that I wasn't laying down. I was and that was verifiable. His whole goal is to make me feel crazy. I was laying down in bed and crying about a bad day at class.
Today someone I used to talk to in chats decided to troll him and told him that I was cheating on him with him. I've never even direct messaged this guy before except to talk about mild drama other people were having that resulted in us being removed from certain chats like "dude that was weird" and "yeah it is weird". As our only conversation. My bf believed it. He was saying I sent him nudes when I've never done such a thing and I dont even know this guy. My bf called me over and over on the first weekend home in months in front of my family.
I turned my phone off and then checked it again and saw threats to email my college and he threatened to fuck another girl and film it and I woke up to my entire previous online friend group bullying me. I asked the guy to stop telling my bf that I was cheating on him and lying because it's obviously not true and he sent every message I sent about the situation to a chat I'm not in. They were tearing me apart.
I made the wrong group of people mad. He's intentionally ruined my one weekend home with my family and embarrassed me. He's threatened a lot of things today. I can't even name all of it. And he's freaking out that he's losing control over me and that I'm wanting to leave. He's started calling me a foid and screamed at me over call and voice message about how I don't listen or care and how I don't care about his feelings.
All he talks about is his feelings and his feelings are SO important apparently that I have to watch him kill himself, he has to false repory me to my college and the police, has to bully me, I have to listen to the bullying to show I care and respond in the exact perfect way, and it never stops. His feelings are not important. His feelings are only a desire to control me. I've preemptively emailed my college about my stalker but a police case seems hopeless.
Nothing I say will calm him and I've been the victim now of a misogynistic hate campaign. My schizophrenic boyfriend has picked up every single incel rhetoric and calls me a foid, a whore, a bitch, and says that I don't deserve anything. He claims he wants to keep me but he says I deserve nothing less than death and to be beat to death.
He only wants to keep me to abuse me. He tells me to cut myself and send it and he says that I deserve nothing and that he will never forgive me or be kind to me or be a partner to me and he doesn't love me. I keep telling him that I'm tired of being relentlessly bullied by him every day all day with no trigger (the events have been getting worse as I talk to him more and avoid everything that makes him even slightly upset). And he tells me that I don't deserve love or kindness and that I only gaslight him and lie (which I don't do).
He won't leave me alone and his orbiters and friends won't. I left all these online spaces months ago because he hated me meddling in his chats and seeing what he was saying or talking to his friends or making friends online. These people have no reason to talk to me or about me.
I also don't have hope for school or my exams or my friends. I guess I wanted to go clubbing before I died. I had to go home this weekend and it was required. I have to put on only a shiny happy face and never express any emotion but happiness or I'll be potentially sent away again. I don't want that to happen. My family doesn't understand and I've told them some about this guy but not all and they've made fun of me for him too.
I want to drink a bunch of alcohol and take a bunch of Xanax/klonopin and NyQuil so I'm inebriated and try low suspension hanging. If that doesn't work then I'm just gonna be shitfaced af and I'll put more thought into actually buying a gun. I can't trust anyone and a bunch of people pretend to be my friend both irl and online for the purposes of bullying me.
