Might be leaving this weekend

[Idontmatter]

I'm seriously thinking I might finally ctb this weekend. I've had the biggest urge yet to do it and that urge is overwhelming. Plus I keep seeing people on here being successful with sn and I think how lucky they are. I haven't completely decided on this weekend because I have to see how long I can get alone but it's a strong possibility. I just can't handle life anymore. Sadly mental illness is going to win this fight.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

You can lose it to mental now or physical down the line

Nobody gets out of here alive.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that things are so hopeless. I know that this life can be unbearable when you are suffering so much. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[Idontmatter]

I'm just a failure. I can't even handle daily life. I've accepted the fact I'm going to ctb and I'm just going to embrace it and put everyone that has to deal with me out of their misery by leaving. Might as well do it sooner rather than later. My head and mind are just fucked up.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I'm sorry you have gotten to this point where any hope of something better has completely dissolved away. Only you can know what is right for you, right now. I wish you the best in whatever you decide and peace.

 

[Rabbit50]

I'm really sorry that you feel like that. Are you using SN too? I'm also seriously considering ending it this weekend too. I've been made homeless and am unlikely to see most of my possessions ever again. I'm looking to jump off a cliff that's a known suicide spot, so hopefully I'll be able to overcome SI and it will work.

 

[CommitSudoku]

I feel the same that mental illness is going to win the fight. Extending my life much more furthers how much I'll hurt others and myself. Best wishes whatever you decide to do, I'm sorry you've suffered so much to reach this point.

 

[Idontmatter]

I'm really sorry that you feel like that. Are you using SN too? I'm also seriously considering ending it this weekend too. I've been made homeless and am unlikely to see most of my possessions ever again. I'm looking to jump off a cliff that's a known suicide spot, so hopefully I'll be able to overcome SI and it will work.

I'm using sn. I have 2lb container of it. Hopefully it will work out. I'm sorry for all that you are going through.

 

[SKDN]

I know deep in my heart the pain of mental illness and everything that comes with it. I'm very sorry you have to go through this. I myself feel the same, no hope, and it frightens me to have no options but take my life.

 

[Rabbit50]

2lb should definitely be more than enough! I did look at using SN as well, but can't find where to buy it (I'm in the UK), so have had to find another method. I hope all goes well for you and I wish you peace.
It frightens me too, especially knowing the mess that I will leave for other people to sort out. I hope and pray that I would die in my sleep when I go to bed each night, but it hasn't worked so far!

 

[Idontmatter]

2lb should definitely be more than enough! I did look at using SN as well, but can't find where to buy it (I'm in the UK), so have had to find another method. I hope all goes well for you and I wish you peace.
It frightens me too, especially knowing the mess that I will leave for other people to sort out. I hope and pray that I would die in my sleep when I go to bed each night, but it hasn't worked so far!

Yeah, I still get angry when I wake up each morning that I actually woke up. I've lost any motivation I've had before.

 

[Zzzzz]

May you find peace and relief in whatever you choose.

 

[quix77]

I'm just a failure. I can't even handle daily life. I've accepted the fact I'm going to ctb and I'm just going to embrace it and put everyone that has to deal with me out of their misery by leaving. Might as well do it sooner rather than later. My head and mind are just fucked up.

Likewise. Additionally I have some chronic ailments and pain is constant and aggravating.

And I am planning to ctb this weekend. I've booked a motel for Sunday (thru till Tuesday) and I'm going to chug 2 bittles of N

 

[Rabbit50]

Likewise. Additionally I have some chronic ailments and pain is constant and aggravating.

And I am planning to ctb this weekend. I've booked a motel for Sunday (thru till Tuesday) and I'm going to chug 2 bittles of N

I hope you find peace and relief.

 

[Idontmatter]

Now I'm freaking out. I saw a comment saying food grade sn won't work. Mine is 99% pure but it's food grade. I have to die.

 

[its-about-time]

Now I'm freaking out. I saw a comment saying food grade sn won't work. Mine is 99% pure but it's food grade. I have to die.

Why wouldn't food grade work?

 

[Achlys]

Now I'm freaking out. I saw a comment saying food grade sn won't work. Mine is 99% pure but it's food grade. I have to die.

If you are concerned, I believe the PPeH describes various options to test the purity of SN. As long as the purity is up to par, whether it was originally intended for the food industry or not should make no difference. NaNO2 is NaNO2.

On another note, I'm sorry to hear mental illness has pushed you so far. I'm afraid mental illness will best me too; I don't how much more I can endure. Whatever decision you make, I wish you the best and all the peace that has eluded you thus far.

 

[Idontmatter]

Why wouldn't food grade work?

Not sure. I've read mixed posts on it. I'm thinking it will still work since the purity is so high.

 

[Shu]

Not sure. I've read mixed posts on it. I'm thinking it will still work since the purity is so high.

Food grade works. There are tons of people on here spreading misinformation. There have been numerous confirmed deaths from the brand you are using. I am not encouraging you in anyway to use it other than for its intended uses.

 

[Idontmatter]

Fold grade works. There are tons of people on here spreading misinformation.

Thanks. I just freaked out a little yesterday since I need this to work. I won't have the stuff for nausea but it should be fine if I fast. I just have to make sure I have enough time alone this weekend.

 

[Rabbit50]

Food grade works. There are tons of people on here spreading misinformation. There have been numerous confirmed deaths from the brand you are using. I am not encouraging you in anyway to use it other than for its intended uses.

Just out of curiosity, how can you tell which brand pajoe1976 is using?

Thanks. I just freaked out a little yesterday since I need this to work. I won't have the stuff for nausea but it should be fine if I fast. I just have to make sure I have enough time alone this weekend.

How are you getting on? Are you still with us?

 

[Idontmatter]

Just out of curiosity, how can you tell which brand pajoe1976 is using?

How are you getting on? Are you still with us?

I'm still here. I'm not getting enough time alone to do it yet. My husband is working but only a few hours. I don't want to fail so I have to wait for the right time. I've been just hanging out in bed sleeping.

Just out of curiosity, how can you tell which brand pajoe1976 is using?

How are you getting on? Are you still with us?

I would private message you the brand I have but it looks like I can't pm you just yet.

 

[Idontmatter]

It's not happening this weekend. I won't have enough time alone to succeed. I feel like a failure and worthless.

 

[quix77]

It's not happening this weekend. I won't have enough time alone to succeed. I feel like a failure and worthless.

Its all good mate! Dont push it. Let it happen when it happens. You should never pressure things.

Personally - i am just going with the flow

 

[Idontmatter]

Its all good mate! Dont push it. Let it happen when it happens. You should never pressure things.

Personally - i am just going with the flow

I know, I just want it to be all done and over-with so people don't have to deal with me. I just can't let my husband to be the one to find me. The one time in my life I wish I were single. It would make things much easier. Sorry for ranting on here. I try not to do that but I get my moments.

 

[quix77]

Sorry for ranting on here. I try not to do that but I get my moments.

You are fine. Thats what this site is for. Plus we've all been through stuff and we know how it feels

 

[Rabbit50]

It's not happening this weekend. I won't have enough time alone to succeed. I feel like a failure and worthless.

You mustn't feel like a failure. If the time isn't right then it isn't right.

 

[Idontmatter]

As weird as this might sound, I don't feel like I belong in this life or belong anywhere for that matter. I remember as a little kid wanting to die. Now I have the means to do it just have to find the right time.

 

[Rabbit50]

As weird as this might sound, I don't feel like I belong in this life or belong anywhere for that matter. I remember as a little kid wanting to die. Now I have the means to do it just have to find the right time.

That's how I feel as well. I remember trying to suffocate myself with my pillow as a child. I haven't managed to ctb this weekend either. I tried water intoxication earlier today, but it doesn't look like it has worked, as I vomited most of the water. The cliff I was planning to jump from is a 4 hour drive away and I am not sure that I am up to driving that far, especially if my SI stops me from jumping when I am there. I won't be able to have any alcohol when I am there, because if I don't ctb then I won't be able to sit in my car afterwards, as you can be charged with drink driving if you're sat in a car while drunk, even if you're not driving.
I'm in the position I am in because of any one of 3 bad decisions I have made in the last five years. Otherwise, I would be living in my own home now instead of being homeless and relying on the charity and support of friends.

 

[Idontmatter]

That's how I feel as well. I remember trying to suffocate myself with my pillow as a child. I haven't managed to ctb this weekend either. I tried water intoxication earlier today, but it doesn't look like it has worked, as I vomited most of the water. The cliff I was planning to jump from is a 4 hour drive away and I am not sure that I am up to driving that far, especially if my SI stops me from jumping when I am there. I won't be able to have any alcohol when I am there, because if I don't ctb then I won't be able to sit in my car afterwards, as you can be charged with drink driving if you're sat in a car while drunk, even if you're not driving.
I'm in the position I am in because of any one of 3 bad decisions I have made in the last five years. Otherwise, I would be living in my own home now instead of being homeless and relying on the charity and support of friends.

I'm sorry for what you are going through. I'm on here just because I'm fucked up in the head with depression and anxiety and I've given up on trying to get better. I feel guilty because I don't have any physical pain like a lot of people on here are dealing with but I'm exhausted with trying to deal with my current state. I'm always here if you need to talk. I'm not sure when I'm going to ctb but I'll be happy when the time is right to do it.