Venting Might be getting better and I hate it.

[baller]

I started an ssri, it's literally only my second week on them but I feel good and it sucks. It's hard to be sad on them and I miss being sad. Maybe im a shit person for this but I love being sad and despite me taking these, I do not want to get better. It feels weird to say i'm happier when im sad but I am, wish I knew why. I noticed i felt absolute shit at the end of my first week before I had to up my dosage and that's probably worth noting. Might update in 2 more weeks when I should be at the proper dosage.

 

[i dont feel real.]

I think you are not feeling good. You are feeling numb, that is different. The meds make you think you are feeling good, the true fact is that the hate and sadness are still on your head, closed in a cage. But that doesn't mean they can't talk to you. Being numb is even worse that feeling sad, because it isn't pure or true emotion. Its fake good feeling. There is no logic in feeling bad about feeling good. What is happening there is an emotional castration. I think that is what is happening.

 

[N33dT0D13]

Been struggling with something similar, got back in therapy and started meds recently but I just feel more resistant to the idea of being "better", I honestly just want to kill myself more, I feel hopeless, like I won't actually get significantly better, I'll just keep burdening people and my treatment will prove pointless... I know it's a self-sabotaging mindset but I really just want to die...

 

[baller]

I think you are not feeling good. You are feeling numb, that is different. The meds make you think you are feeling good, the true fact is that the hate and sadness are still on your head, closed in a cage. But that doesn't mean they can't talk to you. Being numb is even worse that feeling sad, because it isn't pure or true emotion. Its fake good feeling. There is no logic in feeling bad about feeling good. What is happening there is an emotional castration. I think that is what is happening.

I think thatt might be the case, I think this happened with a previous medication and i just felt like shit and very numb too.

Been struggling with something similar, got back in therapy and started meds recently but I just feel more resistant to the idea of being "better", I honestly just want to kill myself more, I feel hopeless, like I won't actually get significantly better, I'll just keep burdening people and my treatment will prove pointless... I know it's a self-sabotaging mindset but I really just want to die...

I hope you're okay :( I hope whatever you desire comes your way <3

 

[CatLvr]

I am really sorry you are feeling so uncomfortable. I am in an interventional pain management program and the meds I'm on for my chronic pain issues makes me feel like your SSRIs are making you feel. The pain is not gone, it is just, well, different.

You might give yourself a little more time to see if things change and level out, so to speak. We had to change my meds and the dosages around quite a bit before I found that sweet spot where I was a little more level.

Whatever course you decide to take, know we are here for you and hope you find the peace you seek.