Mentioning suicide to friends

[SewerRat]

I dont know how to explain this one thing, this will be written poorly by the way, Im in a cold sweat and very anxious (for no apparent reason either). We were discussing happiness and quality of living in the US compared to other countries, and I mentioned health care being a part that probably plays into it, which they agreed with. I mentioned the absurdity of getting a hefty hospital bill after a suicide attempt, and from there I was just stuck on it. Every time I mention suicide, a part of me tries to convey exactly what I mean (meaning that I am planning to CTB one day, not now, but I know that it will happen once Im sure I have nothing else to hope for). Theres this part of me that wants to live, and its like its trying to call out to people, i hope that makes sense I feel so flustered. I sent this long paragraph about different suicide methods and how they usually result in brain damage if not executed correctly. I don't even know what I'm saying. I get so flustered whenever i mention suicide to people im close with. Theres a part of me that wants to tell them, to see how theyd respond or what they would say, granted I know nothing they say will change how I feel, but the other side just wants to hide this so deep down, I have so much shame around feeling this way.

I wish I could tell them without it being a big deal is all. I wish I could tell them that not now, but one day in the future I plan to CTB, and I have a method ready for when I'm ready, but I know I could never do that, and it might possibly upset them. Its just isolating is all. My head hurts so bad and Im sweating because I feel like I outed my true feelings by even mentioning suicide, but I know that they won't see it that way and I'm just being paranoid.

Again, sorry for being scattered in my thoughts.

 

[wellherewego_]

Don't tell your friends unless you plan on getting help. Don't tell your friends unless you're prepared for the potentially worse feeling of isolation that could come with it. This is more serious of a topic than most can bare and after locking you away, there is a possibility of them abandoning you. You have to really know your people and trust them before you can have an open discussion.

In my experience with opening up to friends who I have trusted, few have stayed, many have left and abandoned which I cannot fault them for doing. However, it's scary and it's lonely having no one else to talk to about this. The more you loose the worse the feeling gets, however that doesn't mean you won't be saved. If you want the help, take the initiative and find a place you'll be comfortable and get the help. Don't wait until someone you accidentally tell locks you up and takes away your freedom leaving you with the bill.

 

[Dr.Sleep (Im tired)]

i love the PFP broski, it's funny

People will always be concerned about someone in their life trying to CTB. At a truly primitive level, the more friends a person has, the more likely one is to survive. Thus, why people are concerned about anyone ctb'ing. It really sounds like you need to talk through your feelings with a therapist. if you are scared about them trying to put you in a mental hospital, they won't unless its serious or you're a minor.

 

[SewerRat]

Don't tell your friends unless you plan on getting help. Don't tell your friends unless you're prepared for the potentially worse feeling of isolation that could come with it. This is more serious of a topic than most can bare and after locking you away, there is a possibility of them abandoning you. You have to really know your people and trust them before you can have an open discussion.

In my experience with opening up to friends who I have trusted, few have stayed, many have left and abandoned which I cannot fault them for doing. However, it's scary and it's lonely having no one else to talk to about this. The more you loose the worse the feeling gets, however that doesn't mean you won't be saved. If you want the help, take the initiative and find a place you'll be comfortable and get the help. Don't wait until someone you accidentally tell locks you up and takes away your freedom leaving you with the bill.

I have a feeling one would try to be a savior and let my family know somehow, even though thats the worst thing that could happen to me. When they found out about my self harm, my mom shouted at me and made me start showing her my body and would make fun of it in front of my other family members. They don't take things like these seriously and just get angry instead.

The last thing I want is to end up in some psych ward, I know that won't be good for me.
I don't know where to go for for help, I rely on my parents financially and they are not going to support me in that most likely. I'm just kind of riding it all out in the meantime.

Thanks by the way for the reply.

i love the PFP broski, it's funny

People will always be concerned about someone in their life trying to CTB. At a truly primitive level, the more friends a person has, the more likely one is to survive. Thus, why people are concerned about anyone ctb'ing. It really sounds like you need to talk through your feelings with a therapist. if you are scared about them trying to put you in a mental hospital, they won't unless its serious or you're a minor.

Thank you so much broski ! I feel like a rat most of the time (which is epic I love rats)

I know it would scare me, so i can understand that, but at the same time my brain works against all rationality so I'm convinced that my death won't affect them in any meaningful way, they will move on rather quickly. Thats how I think for most things anyway.

I would be interested in therapy, possibly, but I can't afford it and my parents wouldn't like it, and I know they'd badger me about it as well. They have handled every cry for help I had horribly, usually through punishing me so I stopped, which obviously has not helped.

I just wish my friends knew to some extent. Im just convinced it will go horribly if I told them I had depressive thoughts in general.

Thanks for replying, I can never express myself exactly how I want to so a lot of words and scattered thoughts just come out instead.

 

[the guilt i carry]

In fact, I also tried to tell my friends about it, because I thought they were quite understanding and supportive. Recently I've had a ctg attempt, but they just kept quiet, joked and started talking about their day.

They are good friends, but if your friends did not feel the same at least once, then I would rather not tell them, since they are unlikely to be able to support you well or understand.

It's better to find an internet friends, who will understand you

 

[tuyu]

In fact, I also tried to tell my friends about it, because I thought they were quite understanding and supportive. Recently I've had a ctg attempt, but they just kept quiet, joked and started talking about their day.

They are good friends, but if your friends did not feel the same at least once, then I would rather not tell them, since they are unlikely to be able to support you well or understand.

It's better to find an internet friends, who will understand you

Agreed. I don't think most irl people can relate to us…. Given that there was a study done before and around 10% of people are depressed and/or have other mh issues (I think? Recollecting from memory so I might not have cited correctly. Correct me if I'm wrong)

Let's say even if they are more empathetic cos their family or friend have mh issues as well, they may not be able to fully empathize as they are not the ones with it…. And even though I don't initiate the topic about suicide and what not, they will keep offering shitty empty platitudes like "YOU JUST NEED TO THINK MORE POSITIVE".

If someone tells me that again, I'm just going to google "list of things you do not say to a depressed and suicidal person" and shove it in their face.

Most of them won't know how to react if you tell them your SI. Because as opposed to our pov that ctb = freedom from all the shit we have in life, their normie view is ctb = leaving behind people and causing them to be sad due to this (due to this normie view perpetuating) and not making the most of life.

Like my friend told me their sibling had ctb and I just said, I'm happy for the sibling because they are finally free from their struggles in life with mh. And my friend was like wtf?!???

Source: trust me bruv

 

[the guilt i carry]

Let's say even if they are more empathetic cos their family or friend have mh issues as well, they may not be able to fully empathize as they are not the ones with it…. And even though I don't initiate the topic about suicide and what not, they will keep offering shitty empty platitudes like "YOU JUST NEED TO THINK MORE POSITIVE".

Yeah, the same. But my family always say that I have "not enough housework, not enough tasks in college, too much free time." And that's why I'm so sad. So "just don't think about the bad."
That's why i'll never tell them what i really feel.

 

[FuneralCry]

I do think that it's very unfortunate how we exist in a world where suicide is so stigmatised and how people cannot be open about the subject without the risk of others interfering and just making things worse. And anyway others cannot understand what we go through as they are unable to experience life the same way, so of course opening up about the subject could just lead to the person getting their feelings invalidated. I do always see it as being a bad idea to be open about ctb if one actually wishes to die, psych wards certainly do sound like horrific places to me.

 

[Sulyya]

Depends on the friend I guess. I don't tell anyone irl, personally. It doesn't seem like there's anything that they can do and most people don't want to, they have their own lives. But I suppose if you have a longtime 'bff' type person that you can hug for real and see often then there's potential, if you think it would help. As long as you don't lead them to panic by just sending it as a text or something.

Then again, if you have that person and spending time together where you are able to not think about suicide is a help, maybe it's better to leave that as is?

 

[GasMonkey]

Telling others is very dangerous in jurisdictions where they can forcefully take you to the psych ward.