Lol this is a long post. I'm probably just restating the obvious in a long and convoluted way, but here goes.
I guess for me, a real/close friend is someone you consider part of your "true family". And when I say true family, I don't necessarily mean biological family. The two are related but different words. True family is kind of hard to define. Your true family is the people you consider to be your allies. These people feel that the shit in your life is also their shit, and vice versa. To them, your shit is "our" shit. And to you, their happiness is "our" happiness and vice versa. These people are your "bros," and you consider them to be on your side. In your mind, they fit into the category of "us," not "them." You would protect them and do everything for them, even if you suffer for it. If you go down, then they would choose to go down with you, and vice versa. To an extent, you are able to forgive people in your true family if they hurt/betray you. Importantly, you feel that these people are the same as you.
I think this concept of true family is a fundamental mechanism in the human mind, and the cause of many aspects of human nature. For example, patriotism can be described as when the people in your nation are a part of your true family, bound together by the fact that you are all citizens who share the country's fate.
When you are born, your biological family starts off as part of your true family, but they may cease to be a part of your true family depending on the circumstances as your life goes on. And people who are not part of your biological family may become a part of your true family, for example spouses or close friends.
I think people in history who are known for their kindness to others, like Jesus Christ, often view the whole world as their true family. In their minds, everyone is the same as them because all people in the world are just people, struggling to deal with the shit in this world.
There are many nuances to this idea of true family. I tried my best to describe what I believe it is like, but I may be inaccurate, wrong, idealistic or naive. So yeah, that's basically it.
You more or less describe the concept in a way that presents those in your "true family" to be people who you not only want to be in said category, but also people who actively demonstate behaviour, ideologies, attitudes, or worldviews that are either similar to yours, or at least allow a connection between you both to transcend anything superficial.
Lots of people have their own interpretations of the concepts of friends and family, thus there is no right or wrong way to view the situation. This was a fascinating read, so thank you posting your thoughts.
I have 2 good friends, but neither one of them is down with me CTB
Did you talk to them about it with them together, or did you tell them one at a time?
Thankyou. And yes, relatively often. I have lingering thoughts of if it would be easier if I just told them and stuff like that, however I am aware of the fact that it would just harm the friendship. I don't want to be pitied by them and I already know they are pro-life, which is fine, we usually keep political/philosophical/belief stuff to ourselves but I would inevitably hear words from them that I don't have the energy or heart to respond to. I feel fine discussing it online with strangers but thinking about having to say to one of them I would rather be dead in a ditch than try do something with my life is painful. So, I always decide not to speak about it. I will miss them when I die, but a lifetime of pain outweighs that.
When you already know what those around you will say on the topic, the pain one can feel with such a realisation can be just as, if not more devastating, as bottling everything up inside for either your own protection, or the protection of those you hold dearest.
I have a really hard time opening up and being honest with people, even close friends, about my mental illnesses (especially depression). So even if I had a lot of real friends, I don't think I would ever really open up to them or ask for help. It's foolish, I know, but it's just one of my bad hang-ups.
Opening up about the issue can be arduous for a whole collection of reasons, but it's common for people to be afraid of the reactions they will recieve when talking about any taboo subject, especially one with as much depth to it as suicide. The thing about this problem is that you can't just throw empty platitudes at someone with a mental health issue in the hopes of sweeping the problem under the rug; all mental health issues require time, patience, empathy, and open-mindedness, things that very few people have now.
I've no one at the moment; I did have a reallyyyyy good friend a while back, but I pushed them away being the loser I am.
F**k me for that.
Did you push your friend away by choice, or did it feel as if it was something you had no control over? Sometimes we do things to others in a way in which we're aware of what we're doing, yet we remain completely helpless to stop it; it's like seeing a car speeding towards you for twenty seconds straight as you stand in the middle of the road, but no matter what you do, you just can't move your body to avoid being hit.
I have had many friends in life, but well... I haven't talked to them in months.
Loneliness can be very dangerous to anyone suffering from it, as I think many on this forum have it as, if not the main then a major reason to why they'd CTB.
I mean, honestly. What could one look forward to in a life where even if they'd worked, they'd be stuck in that same state? While money could fix it somehow, it doesn't always do so.
Besides, "real" friends aren't really as special as everyone makes them seem. They might be with you through thick and thin, but that doesn't mean they'd understand life from your perspective. They'd support you, yes; but it wouldn't actually help you and might sometimes even add salt to the injury.
But yeah, at least one should have a couple of friends to talk to in a daily basis. On that note, I really do hope I don't turn schizophrenic because of my lack of interaction with humans.
Do you choose not to speak with others because of how you feel towards people?
True loneliness has the power to suck every drop of life from a person until there is nothing left to give.
Life is a step by step journey in which we're always striving for something that's just out of reach; we're aware that what we're strving for will only deliver fleeting happiness at best, but we do as we do because we know no different. Humans have a strong desire to make sense of the world around them due to the comfort one feels when there is a sense of familarity, or direction to one's life.
I don't believe that you can ever understand life from the perspective of another; empathy is probably the closest one can ever get to understanding another as humans are all so different.
Do you speak with anyone online, that is, aside from people on here?
i have a few friends that i would lay down my life for and all of them are amazing, good-hearted people, but i wouldn't tell them that i want to die because that would be to much of a burden on them.
Do you ever wish that you could sit down with any of them to talk about it?
no friends in real life, two very close online friends
How long have you been friends with the people online?
