Discussion Men of the forum, what does your support circle look like?

[Oudenophobia]

I have literally never opened my mouth to talk to anyone but my mom and teachers in my 27 years of life.

Communication doesn't have to be verbal at the start. Just as babies do not run before they can walk, there is no reason as to why you can't start off with messages online. I've got places that I can share with you privately if you feel like taking this step is something you're interested in.

 

[HowlerFlamingpaws]

No one I can talk to about my feelings. My partner is too volatile and needs their own support, and I'm worn out just with that. I don't have the energy or desire to talk to anyone about how I feel

 

[Oudenophobia]

I still have some friend that i talk to, but those who i trust with my depression side is just one person. The other? Well it's not like i hate them but i'm not trust them enough to handle/hear my depressed side

Sometimes one person is all we need. Have you found this person to be of any comfort to you in your times of need?

 

[onbekend]

What is it that has you convinced that you won't be able to find other people to speak with? I could suggest a few places of my own knowledge for meeting other people if you're interested.

One thing I think that too few people are aware of is the power the internet possess when talking about communication; anxiety is a considerably large issue when it comes to general face to face communication for people, so do you feel you could benefit from speaking with people online to create the spark instead?

Thank you very much for the offer, while I would love to meet new people I feel as if in some way I would do something to mess up any friendships I could make. Talking to people on a forum so far is more comforting for me since it's not a direct conversation, So I'm willing to talk on here though.

 

[Oudenophobia]

No one I can talk to about my feelings. My partner is too volatile and needs their own support, and I'm worn out just with that. I don't have the energy or desire to talk to anyone about how I feel

Both people must have their needs met in a partnership or else it begins to fall apart. How long have things been this way between you and your significant other?

 

[BlockHammer]

Sometimes one person is all we need. Have you found this person to be of any comfort to you in your times of need?

He's a good listener but not a good advisor, his advice can be seen as a generic one. But what i know is at least he's sincere and also he kindda fall to the same hole as i am but unlike me, i don't think he had suicidal tendancy yet

 

[Oudenophobia]

Thank you very much for the offer, while I would love to meet new people I feel as if in some way I would do something to mess up any friendships I could make. Talking to people on a forum so far is more comforting for me since it's not a direct conversation, So I'm willing to talk on here though.

Everything has its time. You might not feel as if it's something that you're ready for now, but please contact me privately should that ever change.

 

[lament.]

I have 3 really good friends who I met at school (and am still friends with to this day, calling almost everyday) and they are one of the reasons I am still alive, but I don't think I would really say any of them are in my "support circle", I've never once been open to them about being suicidal nor do I intend to. I see no reason to give others the opportunity to try to talk me out of it, it would just make me more depressed. Ironically I'm writing this while in a call with 2 of them, though they are afk right now.

 

[onbekend]

Everything has its time. You might not feel as if it's something that you're ready for now, but please contact me privately should that ever change.

Thank you very much for your kindness. It's been a while since I got support like that.

 

[HowlerFlamingpaws]

Both people must have their needs met in a partnership or else it begins to fall apart. How long have things been this way between you and your significant other?

About 2 years. Before that, I felt like I could talk to them. But we went through some rough stuff about 2 years ago, and it feels like they've lost all empathy since then (and this is something they've said). It feels like I'm supposed to be there for them and listen and comfort them, but when I have a dark moment all they do is tell me to man up.

 

[Oudenophobia]

He's a good listener but not a good advisor, his advice can be seen as a generic one. But what i know is at least he's sincere and also he kindda fall to the same hole as i am but unlike me, i don't think he had suicidal tendancy yet

Generic or traditional advice can be useful, though I believe that most people would prefer to have any advice given to be tailored to them. All things considered though, you speak of a genuine connection with this person and you'd be amazed at just how powerful having someone listen to you can be.

 

[Adûnâi]

Communication doesn't have to be verbal at the start. Just as babies do not run before they can walk, there is no reason as to why you can't start off with messages online. I've got places that I can share with you privately if you feel like taking this step is something you're interested in.

1. I don't have an issue texting.
2. I despise my voice, so I have never joined any voice chats on Discord.
3. IRL, it is not the issue at all - the crux being that I have no idea where even to begin. Consider me effectively mute - I never had the condition, I'm really loud during classes, but other than that, I never talk.

By the way, how come you only have had 44 posts since May 2023, but now are helping people? Preparing to die or something? (xd)

 

[passivethought121]

I have some friends and many acquaintances. I would never open up because I know the trouble it brings

 

[Oudenophobia]

I have 3 really good friends who I met at school (and am still friends with to this day, calling almost everyday) and they are one of the reasons I am still alive, but I don't think I would really say any of them are in my "support circle", I've never once been open to them about being suicidal nor do I intend to. I see no reason to give others the opportunity to try to talk me out of it, it would just make me more depressed. Ironically I'm writing this while in a call with 2 of them, though they are afk right now.

Knowing that you've been able to maintain three freindships with others from your time in school is seriously an acomplishment in itself, so please know that although I am a stranger online, I sincerely commend you for how hard you've worked with all of them.

Has the thought of discussing it with any of them ever crossed your mind?

Thank you very much for your kindness. It's been a while since I got support like that.

Your appreciation is noted, and you're very welcome. If there's ever anything I can do to help, please let me know.

About 2 years. Before that, I felt like I could talk to them. But we went through some rough stuff about 2 years ago, and it feels like they've lost all empathy since then (and this is something they've said). It feels like I'm supposed to be there for them and listen and comfort them, but when I have a dark moment all they do is tell me to man up.

As much as I don't wish to speak out of turn given that I'm not in your position, you shouldn't have to suffer in silence because of something someone else is dealing with. Telling people to "man up" when they're facing their own internal demons is about as effective as telling a blind person to "just see" the world around them.

1. I don't have an issue texting.
2. I despise my voice, so I have never joined any voice chats on Discord.
3. IRL, it is not the issue at all - the crux being that I have no idea where even to begin. Consider me effectively mute - I never had the condition, I'm really loud during classes, but other than that, I never talk.

By the way, how come you only have had 44 posts since May 2023, but now are helping people? Preparing to die or something? (xd)

Texting anyone is a starting point, so that's already a win for you today.

Our own voice is a little more awkward of a problem to deal with, especially because whilst other people hear our voices differently to us, we still have to hear the things we say, you know?

It sounds like you're not one for small talk, and that is neither good nor bad honestly; finding material to talk about is a challenge for sure, albeit not one that I believe you yourself can't overcome with time.

I'm a long time lurker of the site. Rarely do I ever post to any forum, but people on here actually seem interested in conversing with one another.

When my time comes, my time comes. It could be a year from now, a month from now, or even somthing as little as in ten minutes. I'm pretty much just in Death's waiting room right now.

 

[Oudenophobia]

I have some friends and many acquaintances. I would never open up because I know the trouble it brings

Suicide as a topic only brings trouble to those who are insincere in their interest on the topic; anyone who actually cares about the topic at hand wouldn't find discussing the topic an issue. When you signed up for an account on here, was it because you wanted to be part of place where you could share those feelings without feeling guilty?

 

[passivethought121]

Suicide as a topic only brings trouble to those who are insincere in their interest on the topic; anyone who actually cares about the topic at hand wouldn't find discussing the topic an issue. When you signed up for an account on here, was it because you wanted to be part of place where you could share those feelings without feeling guilty?

It gets rid of guilt and is convenient. Nothing will happen if I post here. Being so suicidal feels criminalized irl. I'm not going to tell people about a crime. It kills every conversation, family would kick me out for it, friends would call me selfish or evil for it, and police can be called and will take me to a place with uniforms and less freedom.

 

[Oudenophobia]

It gets rid of guilt and is convenient. Nothing will happen if I post here. Being so suicidal feels criminalized irl. I'm not going to tell people about a crime. It kills every conversation, family would kick me out for it, friends would call me selfish or evil for it, and police can be called and will take me to a place with uniforms and less freedom.

It's more devastating when you realise that the likelihood of any of that changing is basically zero. Even though you say what you say, does a part of you still long to speak with someone about the inner workings of your feelings on this matter, or have you long abandoned the idea of ever sharing your thoughts with another?

 

[passivethought121]

It's more devastating when you realise that the likelihood of any of that changing is basically zero. Even though you say what you say, does a part of you still long to speak with someone about the inner workings of your feelings on this matter, or have you long abandoned the idea of ever sharing your thoughts with another?

Ah it's all gone. Goal of therapy is to get better so there's no point in going, declining, and leaving. I don't want to get better, I want to die. And in life, I'm content with sharing enough here.

 

[mark404]

Lol this is a long post. I'm probably just restating the obvious in a long and convoluted way, but here goes.

I guess for me, a real/close friend is someone you consider part of your "true family". And when I say true family, I don't necessarily mean biological family. The two are related but different words. True family is kind of hard to define. Your true family is the people you consider to be your allies. These people feel that the shit in your life is also their shit, and vice versa. To them, your shit is "our" shit. And to you, their happiness is "our" happiness and vice versa. These people are your "bros," and you consider them to be on your side. In your mind, they fit into the category of "us," not "them." You would protect them and do everything for them, even if you suffer for it. If you go down, then they would choose to go down with you, and vice versa. To an extent, you are able to forgive people in your true family if they hurt/betray you. Importantly, you feel that these people are the same as you.

I think this concept of true family is a fundamental mechanism in the human mind, and the cause of many aspects of human nature. For example, patriotism can be described as when the people in your nation are a part of your true family, bound together by the fact that you are all citizens who share the country's fate.
When you are born, your biological family starts off as part of your true family, but they may cease to be a part of your true family depending on the circumstances as your life goes on. And people who are not part of your biological family may become a part of your true family, for example spouses or close friends.
I think people in history who are known for their kindness to others, like Jesus Christ, often view the whole world as their true family. In their minds, everyone is the same as them because all people in the world are just people, struggling to deal with the shit in this world.

There are many nuances to this idea of true family. I tried my best to describe what I believe it is like, but I may be inaccurate, wrong, idealistic or naive. So yeah, that's basically it.

 

[Kaliphornia]

I have 2 good friends, but neither one of them is down with me CTB

 

[Oudenophobia]

Ah it's all gone. Goal of therapy is to get better so there's no point in going, declining, and leaving. I don't want to get better, I want to die. And in life, I'm content with sharing enough here.

All things come to an end, and there is no shame in feeling as you do. I appreciate the time you took to reply, even if you feel it has contributed little to how you feel.

 

[lament.]

Knowing that you've been able to maintain three freindships with others from your time in school is seriously an acomplishment in itself, so please know that although I am a stranger online, I sincerely commend you for how hard you've worked with all of them.

Has the thought of discussing it with any of them ever crossed your mind?

Thankyou. And yes, relatively often. I have lingering thoughts of if it would be easier if I just told them and stuff like that, however I am aware of the fact that it would just harm the friendship. I don't want to be pitied by them and I already know they are pro-life, which is fine, we usually keep political/philosophical/belief stuff to ourselves but I would inevitably hear words from them that I don't have the energy or heart to respond to. I feel fine discussing it online with strangers but thinking about having to say to one of them I would rather be dead in a ditch than try do something with my life is painful. So, I always decide not to speak about it. I will miss them when I die, but a lifetime of pain outweighs that.

 

[Guy Smiley]

I have a really hard time opening up and being honest with people, even close friends, about my mental illnesses (especially depression). So even if I had a lot of real friends, I don't think I would ever really open up to them or ask for help. It's foolish, I know, but it's just one of my bad hang-ups.

 

[Sylveon]

I've no one at the moment; I did have a reallyyyyy good friend a while back, but I pushed them away being the loser I am.
F**k me for that.

 

[daocreator]

When you stop to consider everyone that has ever been a part of your life, how many people do you really have in your life that deserve that title?

Do you call anyone that listens to you a friend? Does any criteria need to be met before someone can be deemed worthy of the title?

What makes someone a real friend in your eyes?

This post will be done for women too as I would like to compare the answers. I do not wish to clog up this section with my threads, so I will wait at least twenty-four hours before posting this again for the women.​

I have had many friends in life, but well... I haven't talked to them in months.

Loneliness can be very dangerous to anyone suffering from it, as I think many on this forum have it as, if not the main then a major reason to why they'd CTB.

I mean, honestly. What could one look forward to in a life where even if they'd worked, they'd be stuck in that same state? While money could fix it somehow, it doesn't always do so.

Besides, "real" friends aren't really as special as everyone makes them seem. They might be with you through thick and thin, but that doesn't mean they'd understand life from your perspective. They'd support you, yes; but it wouldn't actually help you and might sometimes even add salt to the injury.

But yeah, at least one should have a couple of friends to talk to in a daily basis. On that note, I really do hope I don't turn schizophrenic because of my lack of interaction with humans.

 

[Adûnâi]

Besides, "real" friends aren't really as special as everyone makes them seem. They might be with you through thick and thin, but that doesn't mean they'd understand life from your perspective. They'd support you, yes; but it wouldn't actually help you and might sometimes even add salt to the injury.

This part is really good. I can ascertain to it as I can talk to my mom as long as I wish, but getting her to understand me is more trouble than it's worth. Normies are so painful, it's painful for them to think.

 

[Hardcore_Henry]

i have a few friends that i would lay down my life for and all of them are amazing, good-hearted people, but i wouldn't tell them that i want to die because that would be to much of a burden on them.

 

[Runa]

no friends in real life, two very close online friends

 

[Adûnâi]

i wouldn't tell them that i want to die because that would be to much of a burden on them.

Makes sense. And would they be able to help, fundamentally?

Btw, I always wanted to say that Hardcore Henry is one of the few films in my life that I watched! I was so disappointed to realise people hated it (when normie garbage gets praised). But then again, maybe my tastes are weird? I enjoyed Iron Sky, too.

 

[Hardcore_Henry]

Makes sense. And would they be able to help, fundamentally?

maybe, i know they would do whatever possible to help me, but again, big burden.

Btw, I always wanted to say that Hardcore Henry is one of the few films in my life that I watched! I was so disappointed to realise people hated it (when normie garbage gets praised). But then again, maybe my tastes are weird? I enjoyed Iron Sky, too.

SAME, i luv Hardcore Henry, its so incredibly unique and fun to watch (i loved the POV concept), i always wanted a sequel for it.

its also got the dude from District 9 playing all the clones which helped lol.