Discussion Medical issue pushing me to CTB even more.

[deadtrace]

Has anyone else had this sort of thing?

I won't go into details about the issue, but from my previous posts you can see I already have a lot of severe ideation. Now I'm noticing some things that are frankly terrifying. I can't get seen anywhere urgently and can't stop focusing on in and thinking about it. I want to die even more than I already did.

I already hated life but now I'm fucking terrified. I haven't been this scared about something before I don't think. I can't cope with it and I don't know what to do. Right now I'm just laying in bed and it's all I can think about but I can't attempt or anything because family will hear me.

Has anyone else had thoughts like this or been pushed to the edge by medical issues before?

I am fucking mortified by any medical issues even slight so I guess that's why it's effecting me so bad but this is really bad and there's nothing I can do....

I'm not asking for diagnosis or advice, hence why I'm not giving details. Just, comfort I guess.

Just more evidence that I shouldn't be here I suppose.

 

[Raindancer]

Yes, I can completely relate. I've had a ton of health issues and used to deal quite well with them. Now, no matter how small, I just can't deal with it anymore. Actually going through that tonight. I was completely fine, having some pretty decent days. Out of the blue I get hit and I just want it to be over. I am so exhausted from mentally pulling myself up time and time again in order to function. I honestly do not want to do this anymore.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

It is terrifying because it is out of your control and if not terminal, likely something that will be with you for the rest of your life.
I know I should count my blessing more for the fact that I have decent health. I often fantasize about becoming afflicted with something that will end me. But deep down inside I know i wouldn't be able to hande the anxiety and pain. Not being able to overcome SI and also being afflicted with physical medical conditions has to the worst. I hope you can be cured.

 

[Lifeaffirmingchoice]

Has anyone else had this sort of thing?

I won't go into details about the issue, but from my previous posts you can see I already have a lot of severe ideation. Now I'm noticing some things that are frankly terrifying. I can't get seen anywhere urgently and can't stop focusing on in and thinking about it. I want to die even more than I already did.

I already hated life but now I'm fucking terrified. I haven't been this scared about something before I don't think. I can't cope with it and I don't know what to do. Right now I'm just laying in bed and it's all I can think about but I can't attempt or anything because family will hear me.

Has anyone else had thoughts like this or been pushed to the edge by medical issues before?

I am fucking mortified by any medical issues even slight so I guess that's why it's effecting me so bad but this is really bad and there's nothing I can do....

I'm not asking for diagnosis or advice, hence why I'm not giving details. Just, comfort I guess.

Just more evidence that I shouldn't be here I suppose.

Yes, it's hellish. The uncertainty, the helplessness. It's the main reason I want to cbt.