Venting Maybe its best if I'm forgotten

[snunu]

Lately it's been harder for me to navigate and understand people. I've been trying my best to stay on the path of recovery, trying to make genuine connections but it seems I never get there. Lately I just been tired of ppl, tired of feeling like I'm being taken advantage of, or that I'm just called when I'm needed to do someone a favor, or ppl just not caring about how much their words hurt me. Maybe I don't have a place in society, it's probably just me, maybe I'm just gullible. Regardless I feel like it's best if I retreat from society, if I close myself off from everyone, if I'm just forgotten. Nobody to judge me or bother me, or get in the way of their life.

I realize that this may sound narcissist and I don't mean to portray myself as some victim of everyone around me I'm sure I'm just as bad, maybe there's just something about me that doesn't click with everyone else. But I'm beginning to think that it's easier if I'm just forgotten, I don't want anyone to think about me or care or talk to me at this point I'm just tired of everything. The last thing you lose is hope and it seems like I don't have much in me anymore.

Sorry for the rambling, Idk what else to say or do I'm sorry

 

[Lifeaffirmingchoice]

Lately it's been harder for me to navigate and understand people. I've been trying my best to stay on the path of recovery, trying to make genuine connections but it seems I never get there. Lately I just been tired of ppl, tired of feeling like I'm being taken advantage of, or that I'm just called when I'm needed to do someone a favor, or ppl just not caring about how much their words hurt me. Maybe I don't have a place in society, it's probably just me, maybe I'm just gullible. Regardless I feel like it's best if I retreat from society, if I close myself off from everyone, if I'm just forgotten. Nobody to judge me or bother me, or get in the way of their life.

I realize that this may sound narcissist and I don't mean to portray myself as some victim of everyone around me I'm sure I'm just as bad, maybe there's just something about me that doesn't click with everyone else. But I'm beginning to think that it's easier if I'm just forgotten, I don't want anyone to think about me or care or talk to me at this point I'm just tired of everything. The last thing you lose is hope and it seems like I don't have much in me anymore.

Sorry for the rambling, Idk what else to say or do I'm sorry

I often feel the same

 

[Linda]

Lately it's been harder for me to navigate and understand people. I've been trying my best to stay on the path of recovery, trying to make genuine connections but it seems I never get there. Lately I just been tired of ppl, tired of feeling like I'm being taken advantage of, or that I'm just called when I'm needed to do someone a favor, or ppl just not caring about how much their words hurt me. Maybe I don't have a place in society, it's probably just me, maybe I'm just gullible. Regardless I feel like it's best if I retreat from society, if I close myself off from everyone, if I'm just forgotten. Nobody to judge me or bother me, or get in the way of their life.

I realize that this may sound narcissist and I don't mean to portray myself as some victim of everyone around me I'm sure I'm just as bad, maybe there's just something about me that doesn't click with everyone else. But I'm beginning to think that it's easier if I'm just forgotten, I don't want anyone to think about me or care or talk to me at this point I'm just tired of everything. The last thing you lose is hope and it seems like I don't have much in me anymore.

Sorry for the rambling, Idk what else to say or do I'm sorry

In a hundred years most of us will be forgotten, and in a thousand years all of us will be forgotten. So it hardly makes any difference if you're forgotten sooner than that.
Are you autistic? Is that why you find it difficult to "navigate and understand people"? If you are, there are many autistic people on this forum who could probably give you better advice than I can.

 

[snunu]

In a hundred years most of us will be forgotten, and in a thousand years all of us will be forgotten. So it hardly makes any difference if you're forgotten sooner than that.
Are you autistic? Is that why you find it difficult to "navigate and understand people"? If you are, there are many autistic people on this forum who could probably give you better advice than I can.

Hello! Sorry if the wording of my post seem to imply so but not I'm not autistic. While I been reserved throughout all my life I always managed to make a few meaningful friendships. However as of recently I come to realize that a lot of the ppl whom I been around only been keeping me around for their own benefit. When I meant that it's hard to navigate ppl I meant that it's hard for me to make a distinction between ppl who genuinely want to get to know me and ppl who are becoming closer to me for opportunistic reasons.

 

[Linda]

Hello! Sorry if the wording of my post seem to imply so but not I'm not autistic. While I been reserved throughout all my life I always managed to make a few meaningful friendships. However as of recently I come to realize that a lot of the ppl whom I been around only been keeping me around for their own benefit. When I meant that it's hard to navigate ppl I meant that it's hard for me to make a distinction between ppl who genuinely want to get to know me and ppl who are becoming closer to me for opportunistic reasons.

Thanks for the clarification. Yes, it can be hard to know whether someone's aim is simply to exploit you. A lasting friendship has to be a two way thing - you both get something from each other - so there is nothing wrong with a friend expecting something from you now and again. It's when it becomes very one-sided that it's a problem, i.e. when your friend is doing a lot of taking and not much giving. There's a continuum here - it's not a simple matter of "real friends" versus "exploitative people", which may be why you are having difficulty making a distinction. In my experience, it gradually becomes clear, over time, who are good friends and who are not. I suggest you just carry on as you have been doing, but if it becomes clear that a friendship is too one-sided you gradually distance yourself from that person.
Are you being a good friend to others? In other words, are you ensuring that they get something from you?

 

[Mi Mi]

Lately it's been harder for me to navigate and understand people. I've been trying my best to stay on the path of recovery, trying to make genuine connections but it seems I never get there. Lately I just been tired of ppl, tired of feeling like I'm being taken advantage of, or that I'm just called when I'm needed to do someone a favor, or ppl just not caring about how much their words hurt me. Maybe I don't have a place in society, it's probably just me, maybe I'm just gullible. Regardless I feel like it's best if I retreat from society, if I close myself off from everyone, if I'm just forgotten. Nobody to judge me or bother me, or get in the way of their life.

I realize that this may sound narcissist and I don't mean to portray myself as some victim of everyone around me I'm sure I'm just as bad, maybe there's just something about me that doesn't click with everyone else. But I'm beginning to think that it's easier if I'm just forgotten, I don't want anyone to think about me or care or talk to me at this point I'm just tired of everything. The last thing you lose is hope and it seems like I don't have much in me anymore.

Sorry for the rambling, Idk what else to say or do I'm sorry

I understand and feel the same
Every time I tried I got let down
No one can take accountability for how they act
I'm expected to accept it
I'm expected to lower my expectations
But no one can give me any actual reason as to if there is something wrong about me or any changes I could make
So I'm happy to be forgotten in the sense when I kill myself I know no one will know for days to possibly weeks
It's not you dear
It just happened to turn out this way
Maybe it will change but at the moment
Most people just suck and you don't fit because you lead you don't follow

 

[astonishedturnip]

I feel the same way... I keep getting told by normals that if I expand my social circle and find a partner I won't see the need to CTB anymore. But every time I put myself out there, the more I feel I just don't belong anywhere and I don't belong with anyone. I feel like a defect that fell off the assembly line.

I wish I could just Obliviate myself away from everyone's memories and end my life peacefully in anonymity. Unlike some people who CTB I would hate for my memory to haunt anyone.