maybe I'm overreacting but those posts are triggering for me.

[glitterypearls]

Occasionally I see posts about pedo behaviours and the tone of some comments really trigger me. almost as if they are giving excuses. I'm not gonna quote any user for obvious reason, but there was this post and some people tone in the comments almost made excuses and OP said "what it gonna do if he went to the police, he is in therapy and trying to forgive himself" and in the post "the girl gave consent" even though she is underage. I just.. maybe I'm overreacting because of my trauma relating to that. I just wish posts talking about it and comments like that wouldn't be allowed here. I'm sure I'm not the only one who is one of the reason for wanting to CTB is sexual teen/childhood trauma. can we just make posts here only related to CTBing? and would be nice if we don't give excuses to this type of behavior or use words like "this x underage person gave consent"

if I'm overreacting I'm sorry, but seeing this made me feel worse. seem like the world would never change when it comes to minors.

 

[Engström]

I don't think you're overreacting. I was abused all throughout my childhood and into my early 20's - SA from a neighbor, tortured by my brother. When I hear of pedophile talk, I know it's going to trigger me so I usually skip on by unless it's in support of the person (or people) who have been abused. I have a difficult time reconciling and accepting those who sexually and or physically (without sexual element) abuse others. And that's alright. I don't have to forgive that behavior, that abuse. I can maybe try to understand it, which I have tried, but at this point it mostly remains disgusting to me.

There was a case I saw recently of a man confronting the man who sexually abused him as a child and the man took a plea deal and basically walked, so the man who had been abused resorted to street justice ie punched that man in court, knocked him on his ass. The man who had been abused was angry, and I can understand that. There have been times in my life where I've wished horrible things on those who have abused me.

 

[UKscotty]

Not at all. The pedo sympathisers need the same treatment in my view, a good beating.

Luckily they are quite rare on here and the sooner they CTB the happier everyone will be.

 

[Rhizomorph1]

Underage people are not able to consent to sexual activity with an adult in any context, period. Their prefrontal cortex is not developed enough to comprehend the nuances of consent, sex, bodily autonomy, etc.

You are valid to feel triggered and mortified by anyone who would state or even imply that a child "consented" to predatory behaviour. I'm outraged

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

My stepfather was a paedophile, and I hate mentioning anything about it because it makes me feel incredibly angry.
I try to support others on this forum who have been through the same thing, yet would rather not talk about it at all.
You are not overreacting and what you are feeling is perfectly understandable.
Anyone who supports paedophilia and attempts to justify it should be banned from this forum.

 

[wastingtime]

i dont know the specific situation but i cant justify any of that behavior or anyone even trying to defend such a disgusting thing. if he CTB's its better for humanity.

 

[SMmetalhead36]

You're not overreacting at all. I stand with you, my life got messed up when I was sexually molested and near raped.

 

[IBM0000]

Occasionally I see posts about pedo behaviours and the tone of some comments really trigger me. almost as if they are giving excuses. I'm not gonna quote any user for obvious reason, but there was this post and some people tone in the comments almost made excuses and OP said "what it gonna do if he went to the police, he is in therapy and trying to forgive himself" and in the post "the girl gave consent" even though she is underage. I just.. maybe I'm overreacting because of my trauma relating to that. I just wish posts talking about it and comments like that wouldn't be allowed here. I'm sure I'm not the only one who is one of the reason for wanting to CTB is sexual teen/childhood trauma. can we just make posts here only related to CTBing? and would be nice if we don't give excuses to this type of behavior or use words like "this x underage person gave consent"

if I'm overreacting I'm sorry, but seeing this made me feel worse. seem like the world would never change when it comes to minors.

TRIGGER WARNING, if you don't want to read what a SA'er has to say then skip my comment.



I agree, as someone who sexually abused four of his five youngest siblings. I am working on CTBing but it's sort of hard since I want to make it seem like an accident, they (my siblings) were too young to know what I did to them, or remember, so no one knows about it outside of SaSu. I know they're secretly suffering but I just can't face the consequences of my actions and would rather CTB. I know what I did was wrong, but I just wish I could be mentally rewired or some other personality takes over my body because dying would be a waste since I wanted to help everyone I knew, but I can't do it. I'd rather just take the easier way out. Personally, I wish we could all get therapy or whatever the hell will "fix" me and the siblings I have hurt.
I am not like that anymore and will never be, but it doesn't change what happened and it's no excuse for it whatsoever.

 

[stillvoices]

I agree wholeheartedly! I mean, I know I don't have to say anything more than agreeing but for some reason something is telling me to. I don't have all my memories of it but I know something happened when I was 5 or younger. Either no one told me and knew or no one knew and I just had flashbacks, but it doesn't just haunt you part time. It caused a cycle sorta because I went on to be raped by a boyfriend (i just turned 13) and then my ex-husband (i don't even know how long but a lot)(thank gawd he is dead). There is a stigma to it towards the survivor and it should be the perp. You have every right to how you feel. I wouldn't feel safe in an environment where they stalk and try to get comfortable.

 

[cryvinglightning]

you're absolutely not overreacting. the only good pedo is a dead pedo. a pedophile doesn't deserve safe spaces or accomodations.
i'm so sorry that you've seen something so triggering. pedos shouldn't be allowed on here.

 

[𝗟𝗼𝗻𝗲𝗹𝘆]

You're not overreacting at all. And I know which post exactly you're talking about, I had similar feelings towards it... Protecting child abusers under ANY circumstances is insane to me. They deserve no pity and no forgiveness. And I'm very sorry to hear that you went through something related to it. No child should ever go through anything like that!

 

[Dying Knight]

Pedophilia is often confused with Hebephilia and Ephebophilia. Sex with 14 years old may be associated with Hebephilia, but not with Pedophilia, because 14 years old teenagers are not prepubescent children.

Telling that teenagers cannot give a consent is just an insult towards them. The wording "can't give consent" suggests that the implied person is just a brainless amoeba who has no wishes and has no will. When adults treat teenagers like dumb shit, this often raises protest against such an arrogance. By telling young people that they can't give a consent to something you may cause them to have a strong desire to prove the opposite.

I think, it's pretty obvious that sexual acts may be divided into desirable, undesirable, and indeterminately desirable for a teenager, and there is a huge gap between the severity of negative consequences that may be produced by desirable and highly undesirable acts. Even though desirable acts may still be considered illegal, it makes perfect sense to impose much stronger punishment for undesirable acts than for desirable ones.

We could tell that teen's consent may be not well-reasoned or not well-justified enough, the teenager has relatively big chances to regret about the granted consent in the future, and this is the reason why sexual acts involving teenagers should be deprecated. However, denying the ability of teenagers to express their will in the form of consent is just a nonsense.

 

[dizzdesi]

omg do NOT apologize for "overreacting"—cuz you're not. You can't help your triggers. I'm so sorry that you feel so badly abt those posts. I do too. I was a victim of CSA. Not to be patronizing—but if i were you I'd try to not click on posts like that entirely. I try not to do that. Sorry if that sounds rlly condescending but I just now you're bound to find comments like that under a SA post if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here

 

[glitterypearls]

Pedophilia is often confused with Hebephilia and Ephebophilia. Sex with 14 years old may be associated with Hebephilia, but not with Pedophilia, because 14 years old teenagers are not prepubescent children.

Telling that teenagers cannot give a consent is just an insult towards them. The wording "can't give consent" suggests that the implied person is just a brainless amoeba who has no wishes and has no will. When adults treat teenagers like dumb shit, this often raises protest against such an arrogance. By telling young people that they can't give a consent to something you may cause them to have a strong desire to prove the opposite.

I think, it's pretty obvious that sexual acts may be divided into desirable, undesirable, and indeterminately desirable for a teenager, and there is a huge gap between the severity of negative consequences that may be produced by desirable and highly undesirable acts. Even though desirable acts may still be considered illegal, it makes perfect sense to impose much stronger punishment for undesirable acts than for desirable ones.

We could tell that teen's consent may be not well-reasoned or not well-justified enough, the teenager has relatively big chances to regret about the granted consent in the future, and this is the reason why sexual acts involving teenagers should be deprecated. However, denying the ability of teenagers to express their will in the form of consent is just a nonsense.

this is all bullshit. this type of comment is what pisses me off. stop trying to justify it. sex between teenagers is okay but when there is a teen and an adult having sex is never okay, and even if the teen "gave consent" it still not okay at all. the adult have the bigger hand, the more experience and the power. they are NOT equal and this is why it's not okay. 100% the teen will regret it. they are being taken advantage of. how is that okay? they should go and experience things with people their own age. and in most cases the teen having sex with an adult is a result of being neglected or dealing with family issues. Hebephilia or Pedophilia I don't care what the name is, it still wrong and it still harm the person. would an adult have sex with a teen and tell other people about it? of course not because the adult know this is illegal.

I'll share a story with you, and maybe just maybe it will stop you from having this ridiculous mindset. I was sexually abused as a child, but when I was 13yo I met someone online and he decided to groom me. he started to just be my friend, acted like he have my best interest at heart and at first he did, he would guide me in what to not do. was there for me when I had family issues and dealt with trauma when It was 1 week before I turned 15 we met up and we had sex, technically I "gave consent" but do you think this type of relationship was okay? it was not because the older I grew up the more I realized he was just grooming me, the idea I had as a teenager of him wanting to date me and be with me is false. he only sold me this idea so I'll sleep with him and after 1 time of sex he left. that's how all adult & teen "relationship" and sex goes. they put an effort till they have sex with the teen then leave. they tell themselves "she gave consent" so they can sleep better at night. in reality this encounter fucked my brain up, ruined my life and I just felt like I was only good for sex and nothing else. I technically gave consent but I was too young to give consent and realize what he was doing. I'm above 20 now and I regret the time that I agreed to have sex with him. It shaped my life in such a way that pushed me to want to CTB meanwhile he is all fine.

that's the problem. sooner or later the teen will regret it and it will damage them meanwhile the adult get to move on, have fun, go to therapy and "forgive himself" this is why it's illegal. this is why the adult would never tell anyone about it. so no teens can't give consent legally because even if they think it's a good idea, they deep down know its not and in the future they will feel like someone took something from them. I hope no one in your family ever experience this. It destroys a person and I never had sex since. It ruined me. I couldn't trust anyone anymore sexually.

I don't think you're overreacting. I was abused all throughout my childhood and into my early 20's - SA from a neighbor, tortured by my brother. When I hear of pedophile talk, I know it's going to trigger me so I usually skip on by unless it's in support of the person (or people) who have been abused. I have a difficult time reconciling and accepting those who sexually and or physically (without sexual element) abuse others. And that's alright. I don't have to forgive that behavior, that abuse. I can maybe try to understand it, which I have tried, but at this point it mostly remains disgusting to me.

There was a case I saw recently of a man confronting the man who sexually abused him as a child and the man took a plea deal and basically walked, so the man who had been abused resorted to street justice ie punched that man in court, knocked him on his ass. The man who had been abused was angry, and I can understand that. There have been times in my life where I've wished horrible things on those who have abused me.

thank you! and I'm sorry you went through that too. I usually skip it too, I just thought maybe people here would understand this isn't okay because I'm sure everyone here was hurt one way or another but sadly I was wrong. about the case I'll honestly do the same thing if I got the chance, imo abusers shouldn't walk like that. they should get consequences otherwise they will offend again.

Not at all. The pedo sympathisers need the same treatment in my view, a good beating.

Luckily they are quite rare on here and the sooner they CTB the happier everyone will be.

sadly based on that post isn't rare. people refuse to change their mind about sex with teens. in their mind anyone above 13 is fair game which just makes me sick :/ the post wasn't even about CTB it was just about someone's friend who is seeking therapy and trying to "forgive himself" which is way it triggered me a bit. it doesn't deserve a place on this forum.

Underage people are not able to consent to sexual activity with an adult in any context, period. Their prefrontal cortex is not developed enough to comprehend the nuances of consent, sex, bodily autonomy, etc.

You are valid to feel triggered and mortified by anyone who would state or even imply that a child "consented" to predatory behaviour. I'm outraged

thank you so much! it makes me feel better to see how a lot of people here share my POV ♡

My stepfather was a paedophile, and I hate mentioning anything about it because it makes me feel incredibly angry.
I try to support others on this forum who have been through the same thing, yet would rather not talk about it at all.
You are not overreacting and what you are feeling is perfectly understandable.
Anyone who supports paedophilia and attempts to justify it should be banned from this forum.

I'm sorry about your stepfather and I hope you are healing a bit better from that, thank you so much and I agree they should be banned.

i dont know the specific situation but i cant justify any of that behavior or anyone even trying to defend such a disgusting thing. if he CTB's its better for humanity.

sadly there wasn't even a question of him CTBing. this is why it triggered me a lot. it deserve no place here. someone asked if their friend is a pedo for having sex with a 14yo even tho she gave "consent" and then said he went to therapy trying to forgive himself. there was a lot of sympathizer in the comments which really triggered me. the man in question isn't even thinking of CTBing. and the friend was clearly not trying to accept any comment that said what his friend doing is wrong, illegal and there should be consequences. I feel like that what made me angry the most. I'm used to seeing that stuff in a lot of places but I never imagined I'd see it here where we are the most vulnerable, honest and very open about being hurt.

You're not overreacting at all. I stand with you, my life got messed up when I was sexually molested and near raped.

thank you, and I'm really sorry you went through that I hope you are healing a bit better now ♡

TRIGGER WARNING, if you don't want to read what a SA'er has to say then skip my comment.



I agree, as someone who sexually abused four of his five youngest siblings. I am working on CTBing but it's sort of hard since I want to make it seem like an accident, they (my siblings) were too young to know what I did to them, or remember, so no one knows about it outside of SaSu. I know they're secretly suffering but I just can't face the consequences of my actions and would rather CTB. I know what I did was wrong, but I just wish I could be mentally rewired or some other personality takes over my body because dying would be a waste since I wanted to help everyone I knew, but I can't do it. I'd rather just take the easier way out. Personally, I wish we could all get therapy or whatever the hell will "fix" me and the siblings I have hurt.
I am not like that anymore and will never be, but it doesn't change what happened and it's no excuse for it whatsoever.

thank you for sharing. I think you should be nicer to your sibling, maybe give them therapy if you can afford it but most importantly apologize to them. I wish my abusers apologized to me. It won't make it totally better but it will help to know it wasn't anything I did. even as kids we always feel that it was our fault that this person did this to us.

I agree wholeheartedly! I mean, I know I don't have to say anything more than agreeing but for some reason something is telling me to. I don't have all my memories of it but I know something happened when I was 5 or younger. Either no one told me and knew or no one knew and I just had flashbacks, but it doesn't just haunt you part time. It caused a cycle sorta because I went on to be raped by a boyfriend (i just turned 13) and then my ex-husband (i don't even know how long but a lot)(thank gawd he is dead). There is a stigma to it towards the survivor and it should be the perp. You have every right to how you feel. I wouldn't feel safe in an environment where they stalk and try to get comfortable.

thank you, and thank you for sharing. that's my point too the age doesn't matter, if you were SA under 18. even if you gave "consent" you still hurt by it, it still damage you, it will impact your life so much and it doesn't feel right for adults to say this person gave consent so it's okay.

you're absolutely not overreacting. the only good pedo is a dead pedo. a pedophile doesn't deserve safe spaces or accomodations.
i'm so sorry that you've seen something so triggering. pedos shouldn't be allowed on here.

thank you so much, the post in question wasn't even about the Abuser wanting to CTB which what pissed me off the most. why are we posting a story about someone who SA a minor then say "he is seeking therapy and trying to forgive himself" like fuck off lol

You're not overreacting at all. And I know which post exactly you're talking about, I had similar feelings towards it... Protecting child abusers under ANY circumstances is insane to me. They deserve no pity and no forgiveness. And I'm very sorry to hear that you went through something related to it. No child should ever go through anything like that!

thank you so much, and I'm glad a lot of people feel the same way, the post had no place here and it shouldn't be allowed. hell it wasn't even about CTBing lol

omg do NOT apologize for "overreacting"—cuz you're not. You can't help your triggers. I'm so sorry that you feel so badly abt those posts. I do too. I was a victim of CSA. Not to be patronizing—but if i were you I'd try to not click on posts like that entirely. I try not to do that. Sorry if that sounds rlly condescending but I just now you're bound to find comments like that under a SA post if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here

thank you and no you aren't condescending. I always try to avoid things like this but I thought maybe just maybe here no one would support this or give excuses. because you know we all been hurt one way or another but turned out I was very wrong. people still gave excuses. the person wasn't even trying to CTB. it was a person asking if his friend is a pedo or not for having sex with a minor. and the OP in question didn't seem to wanna accept any comment that paint his friend as a the wrong person. this is why it triggered me the most. it have no place here and I expected better from everyone here.

 

[zel]

this is all bullshit. this type of comment is what pisses me off. stop trying to justify it. sex between teenagers is okay but when there is a teen and an adult having sex is never okay, and even if the teen "gave consent" it still not okay at all. the adult have the bigger hand, the more experience and the power. they are NOT equal and this is why it's not okay. 100% the teen will regret it. they are being taken advantage of. how is that okay? they should go and experience things with people their own age. and in most cases the teen having sex with an adult is a result of being neglected or dealing with family issues. Hebephilia or Pedophilia I don't care what the name is, it still wrong and it still harm the person. would an adult have sex with a teen and tell other people about it? of course not because the adult know this is illegal.

I'll share a story with you, and maybe just maybe it will stop you from having this ridiculous mindset. I was sexually abused as a child, but when I was 13yo I met someone online and he decided to groom me. he started to just be my friend, acted like he have my best interest at heart and at first he did, he would guide me in what to not do. was there for me when I had family issues and dealt with trauma when It was 1 week before I turned 15 we met up and we had sex, technically I "gave consent" but do you think this type of relationship was okay? it was not because the older I grew up the more I realized he was just grooming me, the idea I had as a teenager of him wanting to date me and be with me is false. he only sold me this idea so I'll sleep with him and after 1 time of sex he left. that's how all adult & teen "relationship" and sex goes. they put an effort till they have sex with the teen then leave. they tell themselves "she gave consent" so they can sleep better at night. in reality this encounter fucked my brain up, ruined my life and I just felt like I was only good for sex and nothing else. I technically gave consent but I was too young to give consent and realize what he was doing. I'm above 20 now and I regret the time that I agreed to have sex with him. It shaped my life in such a way that pushed me to want to CTB meanwhile he is all fine.

that's the problem. sooner or later the teen will regret it and it will damage them meanwhile the adult get to move on, have fun, go to therapy and "forgive himself" this is why it's illegal. this is why the adult would never tell anyone about it. so no teens can't give consent legally because even if they think it's a good idea, they deep down know its not and in the future they will feel like someone took something from them. I hope no one in your family ever experience this. It destroys a person and I never had sex since. It ruined me. I couldn't trust anyone anymore sexually.

I am very sorry to hear this. Hearing other's experiences of being seen and treated as a sexual object and nothing more is terribly depressing. It's something that should never happen as I firmly believe that every human being is worth so much more than being a simple flesh bag for another person to get off with. I sympathize with your trauma and I want to make it clear I am not excusing it in the slightest.

My question for you is why this type of pathological and exploitative relationship has to be between an adult and a young teenager? I know several women who have had similar stories as yours, but the POS was another older teenager rather than an older man. It seems like your story is an illustrative example of poor human behavior in general, and not an indictment on all interactions between adults and teenagers.

Nevertheless, it does not escape me that precisely because relationships between adults and minors are stigmatized and often illegal, any adult who is willing to risk social and legal repercussions in order to get intimately close to a teenager is inordinately more likely to be exploitative and predatory. These relationships are also more likely to be sexually predatory by virtue of the fact that more mature individuals are less likely to be compatible with those who are more immature, thus relegating the younger person's value to that of a sexual nature only.

 

[glitterypearls]

I am very sorry to hear this. Hearing other's experiences of being seen and treated as a sexual object and nothing more is terribly depressing. It's something that should never happen as I firmly believe that every human being is worth so much more than being a simple flesh bag for another person to get off with. I sympathize with your trauma and I want to make it clear I am not excusing it in the slightest.

My question for you is why this type of pathological and exploitative relationship has to be between an adult and a young teenager? I know several women who have had similar stories as yours, but the POS was another older teenager rather than an older man. It seems like your story is an illustrative example of poor human behavior in general, and not an indictment on all interactions between adults and teenagers.

Nevertheless, it does not escape me that precisely because relationships between adults and minors are stigmatized and often illegal, any adult who is willing to risk social and legal repercussions in order to get intimately close to a teenager is inordinately more likely to be exploitative and predatory. These relationships are also more likely to be sexually predatory by virtue of the fact that more mature individuals are less likely to be compatible with those who are more immature, thus relegating the younger person's value to that of a sexual nature only.

It deff not only between adults and teens. I know a lot of older teens take advantage and hurt younger teens too, but it's more common for an adult to hurt a teen more. they have more power to do that. I get really sad when I see people excuse that or think it's okay. a teen should never ever do anything with an adult. maybe just a friendship but they also be very careful about it. as for older teens it's sadly excused too, when imo it should never be. they feel like they can hurt those girls or boys because they are older, they gonna be adults soon and somehow they think having someone they can manipulate would make them feel more like grown up. It's ridiculous and I hope at some point schools would find a way to teach kids and teens on how to avoid this behaviors. we would all have less trauma to live with, but sadly this type of predatory behaviors are almost encouraged by other places online so guys grow up thinking this is okay to do.

 

[flower_g1rl]

i feel the exact same way, dont apologize. such posts, actions and sentiments sicken me. the excuses on top as well. im sorry about what you went through. for the sake of yourself - there are extensions, both on pc and mobile that block/mute any words of your choosing.

 

[Dying Knight]

this is all bullshit. this type of comment is what pisses me off. stop trying to justify it. sex between teenagers is okay

Yeah, especially when such a sex ends up in unwanted pregnancy. Teens commonly have very limited responsibilities and behave more recklessly than adults. They also often have much less sense of personal boundaries.

the adult have the bigger hand, the more experience and the power.

On one hand, more experience and power give more possibilities for an abuse; on the other hand, more experience and knowledge may be useful for avoiding mistakes with bad consequences. It's not obvious which of these two factors outweighs the other without considering a particular case of relationships.

100% the teen will regret it.

There is no proof. It may depend on particular adult.

they are being taken advantage of. how is that okay?

All relationships are based on taking advantage. If the advantage is mutual, it is okay. If only one person takes advantage of the relationships while the other suffers, it's not okay.

they should go and experience things with people their own age.

I really don't get how that improves the situation. If the relationships are abusive, they should be judged based on the facts of abuse in the first place; the formal difference between ages should be considered as aggravating circumstance rather than the crime on its own. However, people may be too lazy for detailed investigations, so instead of considering the questionable relationships in depth, they rather prefer to assume that such relationships are necessarily abusive just by the fact of difference between ages, because this is much more easy to do.

would an adult have sex with a teen and tell other people about it? of course not because the adult know this is illegal.

The society may be hypocritical, and sometimes illegality of something can even violate basic human rights. In some places, you can't tell that you're gay or lesbian without a fear of punishment from others.

I'll share a story with you, and maybe just maybe it will stop you from having this ridiculous mindset. I was sexually abused as a child, but when I was 13yo I met someone online and he decided to groom me. he started to just be my friend, acted like he have my best interest at heart and at first he did, he would guide me in what to not do. was there for me when I had family issues and dealt with trauma when It was 1 week before I turned 15 we met up and we had sex, technically I "gave consent" but do you think this type of relationship was okay? it was not because the older I grew up the more I realized he was just grooming me, the idea I had as a teenager of him wanting to date me and be with me is false. he only sold me this idea so I'll sleep with him and after 1 time of sex he left. that's how all adult & teen "relationship" and sex goes.

Does the same never happen with teen & teen relationship? And how does that prove that every adult & teen relationship is developed by that scenario?

in reality this encounter fucked my brain up, ruined my life and I just felt like I was only good for sex and nothing else.

20 - 30-year-old women are not protected from such relationships too. There exist even special communities of men who teach other men how to fool adult women in order to achieve temporary relationships with sex. It's bad that you went through such an unpleasant experience at so young age, but you could easily fall into a similar trap being adult, and your sufferings might be nearly the same then.

It ruined me. I couldn't trust anyone anymore sexually.

Unfortunately, your mistrust is reasonable, and if you still have a hope to be in love with someone in the future, the best thing you could do to minimize the odds of facing with similar relationships is to learn how to read the signs of true man's love and how to recognize the signs of manipulations unrelated to love.

 

[glitterypearls]

Yeah, especially when such a sex ends up in unwanted pregnancy. Teens commonly have very limited responsibilities and behave more recklessly than adults. They also often have much less sense of personal boundaries.

On one hand, more experience and power give more possibilities for an abuse; on the other hand, more experience and knowledge may be useful for avoiding mistakes with bad consequences. It's not obvious which of these two factors outweighs the other without considering a particular case of relationships.

There is no proof. It may depend on particular adult.

All relationships are based on taking advantage. If the advantage is mutual, it is okay. If only one person takes advantage of the relationships while the other suffers, it's not okay.

I really don't get how that improves the situation. If the relationships are abusive, they should be judged based on the facts of abuse in the first place; the formal difference between ages should be considered as aggravating circumstance rather than the crime on its own. However, people may be too lazy for detailed investigations, so instead of considering the questionable relationships in depth, they rather prefer to assume that such relationships are necessarily abusive just by the fact of difference between ages, because this is much more easy to do.

The society may be hypocritical, and sometimes illegality of something can even violate basic human rights. In some places, you can't tell that you're gay or lesbian without a fear of punishment from others.

Does the same never happen with teen & teen relationship? And how does that prove that every adult & teen relationship is developed by that scenario?

20 - 30-year-old women are not protected from such relationships too. There exist even special communities of men who teach other men how to fool adult women in order to achieve temporary relationships with sex. It's bad that you went through such an unpleasant experience at so young age, but you could easily fall into a similar trap being adult, and your sufferings might be nearly the same then.

Unfortunately, your mistrust is reasonable, and if you still have a hope to be in love with someone in the future, the best thing you could do to minimize the odds of facing with similar relationships is to learn how to read the signs of true man's love and how to recognize the signs of manipulations unrelated to love.

let me ask you something, do you think a sexual relationship between teen and an adult is okay?

On one hand, more experience and power give more possibilities for an abuse; on the other hand, more experience and knowledge may be useful for avoiding mistakes with bad consequences. It's not obvious which of these two factors outweighs the other without considering a particular case of relationships.

this is just messed up. you seem to ignore every single thing I mentioned. there is a recent case where an adult RAPED a minor and got her pregnant twice. your whole argument is wrong. I can't believe you felt comfortable enough to type this. It's never okay and it will never be okay no matter how much you justify it. I'm usually calm but this specific thing you type made my blood boil.

I hope that you don't think it's okay for a teen and an adult to have sex. Regardless of what you think, I'm done talking to you. there is no point. all I can say is that your way of thinking is fucking disgusting and I hope you change it one day.

 

[Dying Knight]

let me ask you something, do you think a sexual relationship between teen and an adult is okay?

I can imagine that it may be okay if both partners are good enough for such a relationship. But I can also assume a big percent of such relationships is destructive for involved teens.

there is a recent case where an adult RAPED a minor and got her pregnant twice.

Particular cases of abuse prove that an abuse may take place, but they don't prove that an abuse always takes place for any pair of adult & teen having sex.

 

[IBM0000]

thank you for sharing. I think you should be nicer to your sibling, maybe give them therapy if you can afford it but most importantly apologize to them. I wish my abusers apologized to me. It won't make it totally better but it will help to know it wasn't anything I did. even as kids we always feel that it was our fault that this person did this to us.

Well, of course I was "nice" (as nice as a socially awkward idiot can be) to them after but I could defintely be more proactive and social to help them but then it wouldn't be me. I know what I am, and it's not a responsible, reasonable or normal person. I feel guilty but not enough to face the consequences of my actions and fix them unfortunately. I am too messed up to help in any shape or form and I will not ruin the facade of a normal family by revealing such insane shit to them. I defintely know that if I did, some might try to beat me up, another might have a breakdown. I've no idea and I really like how it's almost like I did nothing to them. Oh yeah, and I guess failing high school didn't help. Neither did being a rotting corpse at home that doesn't go out at all except for driving training. (Yes, I am that bad and I don't even have any mental or physical disability).
Therapy and any mental illness is VERY frowned upon. If anyone starts going to therapy, their reputation in the community will fall to being generally disliked and to be avoided, even by your closest family and even friends. And I don't even think there is therapy available, pretty sure we don't have that at all in the country I reside in. We're immigrants, so it's much less likely we can access that sort of stuff anyways.

Thank you for giving me a bit of face and responding. You didn't have to.

 

[deadtomorrow]

Underage people are not able to consent to sexual activity with an adult in any context, period. Their prefrontal cortex is not developed enough to comprehend the nuances of consent, sex, bodily autonomy, etc.

You are valid to feel triggered and mortified by anyone who would state or even imply that a child "consented" to predatory behaviour. I'm outraged

Lol, ok.

 

[deadtomorrow]

Pedophilia is often confused with Hebephilia and Ephebophilia. Sex with 14 years old may be associated with Hebephilia, but not with Pedophilia, because 14 years old teenagers are not prepubescent children.

Telling that teenagers cannot give a consent is just an insult towards them. The wording "can't give consent" suggests that the implied person is just a brainless amoeba who has no wishes and has no will. When adults treat teenagers like dumb shit, this often raises protest against such an arrogance. By telling young people that they can't give a consent to something you may cause them to have a strong desire to prove the opposite.

I think, it's pretty obvious that sexual acts may be divided into desirable, undesirable, and indeterminately desirable for a teenager, and there is a huge gap between the severity of negative consequences that may be produced by desirable and highly undesirable acts. Even though desirable acts may still be considered illegal, it makes perfect sense to impose much stronger punishment for undesirable acts than for desirable ones.

We could tell that teen's consent may be not well-reasoned or not well-justified enough, the teenager has relatively big chances to regret about the granted consent in the future, and this is the reason why sexual acts involving teenagers should be deprecated. However, denying the ability of teenagers to express their will in the form of consent is just a nonsense.

Finally someone who gets it.
People think it's wrong because their overlords told them so, they believe it without questioning, when such thing has been the norm for years up until the modern days.
There's not even such thing as "right or wrong"
In a relationship between a man and a woman, the man will always be the most powerful, no matter the age.
Of course, when it involves very young kids, it's "wrong" because their bodies are not developed sexually yet, on the other hand, teenagers are.

 

[zel]

Finally someone who gets it.
People think it's wrong because their overlords told them so, they believe it without questioning, when such thing has been the norm for years up until the modern days.
There's not even such thing as "right or wrong"
In a relationship between a man and a woman, the man will always be the most powerful, no matter the age.
Of course, when it involves very young kids, it's "wrong" because their bodies are not developed sexually yet, on the other hand, teenagers are.

TL;DR: Discussing it nowadays is unrealistic and impractical, despite some historical precedent. Given today's culture, adult w/ adolecent relationships are more likely to be predatory and exploitative

It's definitely a surprisingly tricky topic to navigate. The fact of the matter is that any suggestion that an adult - say early to mid 20s - could conceivably enter into a relationship with a relatively mature teenager is hopelessly marred by considerable social stigma. For virtually all of human history, most marriages and the average age at which one would give birth was under the age of 18. Much of that was driven by necessity as the child and infant mortality rate was high; thus, the sooner you got started pumping out kids, the better. Also fertility is highest then, so there's that. Regardless of the grim necessity of all this, it was not viewed as a deranged and disgusting fetish to be attracted to anyone who was a post pubescent adolescent; to the contrary, it was perfectly normal. There's an ineffaceable and undeniable biological reality at play here — it's no wonder that the pornographic interests online of men skew towards the "genre" of 18, the youngest legal possibility.

I am getting off-topic here, though. My point is that there is a strong cultural bias against the intermingling of the 18+ adult world and the so-called under 18 "world" that makes discussing it completely unrealistic. (My personal theory is that this strong division between these two groups is a direct result of our education system that jettisons newly-graduated (and now 18) high school graduates out into the adult world, with little means or incentive to interact with others that are below this age threshold.)

I will reiterate, as I said in a post above, that I am not condoning or encouraging adults to seek out minors to have relationships with. Certainly not. I think that would be reckless and foolish to do. And if there is an adult seeking teenagers out, the likelihood of predatory intentions is extraordinarily high because there are plenty of legal-age alternatives that aren't going to land you in legal trouble. That makes their desire to seek out someone young likely to be sexual - because it's not like a relationship would start naturally, given how strictly divided the two worlds are: no, it means the adult went out of their way to artificially seek a relationship with so younger than the legal age, despite all of the risks. I'd be strongly suspicious of the moral integrity of such an individual.

 

[voyager]

I know which thread you're talking about and originally was reluctant to get involved, because of exactly what you describe. The problem is a serious one and enough people here are suffering from it. I even considered writing a disclaimer, but ultimately didn't, because the people there lecturing teens (i.e. individuals), who are now adults, on how they are supposed to feel in a condescending manner didn't either. This attitude triggered me a bit, since my concern lies with the girl, now woman, involved, because like her I too had my first sexual relations with an older person and if she says she didn't feel taken advantage of and fine with the matter that's her right to do so and no one else gets to tell her how to feel.

As mentioned in the thread, I too felt that the OP's friend might be a pedophile for various reasons but the case presented as such, legal issues aside (statute of limitations), doesn't necessarily suggest there was predatory behaviour involved or what his true motivations were. Truth is we just don't know.

Regarding your experience, I truly am sorry for your situation, but respectfully, that is your story not hers, or mine. Just like everyone's suicidal reasons are their own and while in context I do see the impact it has had on you, it does sound a asthough you are projecting your state of mind and case on her, me and others. This place is about self-determination and respects our rights as individuals to judge our own situation, surely this applies here too.

I for one will not have anybody tell me that I was groomed, abused or too young to know what I was doing and thereby incapable of making my own decisions or reflecting upon them, certainly not now as an adult. I don't feel a victim, nor delusional or in denial, nor has it affected me negatively in any way. I'm not suggesting that her or me should be the standard to judge all other's by, but neither should you.

I decide how I am too feel on matters regarding myself as an individual, and everyone else is entitled to do the same, which includes the woman in that specific case too, even if she is not a member of this board.

This is important, because, three, the girl from back then, now a woman, still maintains that she didn't feel taken advantage of, just as I. One should respect that. It's one thing making up rules for society as a whole, that's fine, but telling her or me what to think is patronising, especially now as grown ups. This consent is crucial, because it's what separates normal sexual desire from abuse. It's the difference between pleasure and trauma. Sex and rape.

She's probably in her 40s now and more than qualified to decide how she feels. Consent in this context is not a carte blanche for other cases or him, but for her specifically in how it affected her and how she remembers the encounter. Just as I. You may have consented at the time, but perceive it very differently now, because you were groomed and taken advantage of, plus, abused as a child. But this is absolutely crucial to our individual perception on how we feel.

that's the problem. sooner or later the teen will regret it and it will damage them

the adult have the bigger hand, the more experience and the power. they are NOT equal and this is why it's not okay. 100% the teen will regret it.

Broadly speaking perhaps, but not on an individual basis. You can judge the adults involved if you want, but the woman in the thread doesn't regret it, nor I. The OP had similar experiences, as do many in their mid/late teens. Now what? Do you (or anybody) honestly feel, in particular considering your own trauma, that you are qualified to decide for everyone else?

I don't think anybody here, apart from the staff or legal issues, should decide or judge what is considered appropriate discussion and absolutely no one decides how others are supposed to feel.

Is he a pedophile?

Is he a pedophile? A friend of mine confided in me that he is considering suicide, ironic, huh? He says that he is wracked with guilt and has been for 20+years. At 19 he had a sexual encounter with a 14 year old. It was "consensual"or so he says. The girl does not feel that anything wrong...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[brokeandbroken]

Occasionally I see posts about pedo behaviours and the tone of some comments really trigger me. almost as if they are giving excuses. I'm not gonna quote any user for obvious reason, but there was this post and some people tone in the comments almost made excuses and OP said "what it gonna do if he went to the police, he is in therapy and trying to forgive himself" and in the post "the girl gave consent" even though she is underage. I just.. maybe I'm overreacting because of my trauma relating to that. I just wish posts talking about it and comments like that wouldn't be allowed here. I'm sure I'm not the only one who is one of the reason for wanting to CTB is sexual teen/childhood trauma. can we just make posts here only related to CTBing? and would be nice if we don't give excuses to this type of behavior or use words like "this x underage person gave consent"

if I'm overreacting I'm sorry, but seeing this made me feel worse. seem like the world would never change when it comes to minors.

Honestly I wish they didn't exist either but people don't give a shit. Rape a child get free education.

 

[Engström]

let me ask you something, do you think a sexual relationship between teen and an adult is okay?



this is just messed up. you seem to ignore every single thing I mentioned. there is a recent case where an adult RAPED a minor and got her pregnant twice. your whole argument is wrong. I can't believe you felt comfortable enough to type this. It's never okay and it will never be okay no matter how much you justify it. I'm usually calm but this specific thing you type made my blood boil.

I hope that you don't think it's okay for a teen and an adult to have sex. Regardless of what you think, I'm done talking to you. there is no point. all I can say is that your way of thinking is fucking disgusting and I hope you change it one day.

I realize I'm inserting myself into this particular interaction; my unsolicited advice is to block this person. It seems like they're either trolling hardcore or have their own issues veering into support of pedophilia.

Am I triggered? Yes.



To be clear, not triggered by you at all.

 

[achb]

Teens cannot give consent to an adult. The same way drunk people cannot give consent to a sober person. And an animal cannot give consent to a human. They are not on a level playing field mentally. Regardless of how smart the teen is or how dumb the adult it, biology doesn't gaf; their brain is still underdeveloped, and that impairs their ability to give consent to an adult.

Two drunk people having consensual sex isn't rape. Two teens having consensual sex isn't rape. Two animals having consensual sex isn't rape. But consent cannot be given when both people involved do not have the same or similar mental capacity for consent. Therefore, if consent cannot be obtained, it is rape.

How do people not understand this concept? People should be on the same wavelength of consciousness to have sexual encounters. Is this so difficult to comprehend?

I completely agree with OP by the way if that was not clear

 

[zel]

Teens cannot give consent to an adult. The same way drunk people cannot give consent to a sober person. And an animal cannot give consent to a human. They are not on a level playing field mentally. Regardless of how smart the teen is or how dumb the adult it, biology doesn't gaf; their brain is still underdeveloped, and that impairs their ability to give consent to an adult.

Two drunk people having consensual sex isn't rape. Two teens having consensual sex isn't rape. Two animals having consensual sex isn't rape. But consent cannot be given when both people involved do not have the same or similar mental capacity for consent. Therefore, if consent cannot be obtained, it is rape.

How do people not understand this concept? People should be on the same wavelength of consciousness to have sexual encounters. Is this so difficult to comprehend?

I completely agree with OP by the way if that was not clear

But by this logic, almost all marriages and all of your ancestors were raped?

 

[Life_and_Death]

their brain is still underdeveloped, and that impairs their ability to give consent to an adult

i love how at 12 im old enough to raise a child (my little brother, successfully might i add) but i cant make my own decisions at 16.
for the majority, yeah i agree. but different life experiences causes people to mature at different ages. just because theyre 16, doesnt mean they dont know

Two drunk people having consensual sex isn't rape.

also this is false, unless it was agreed upon while both parties were sober, it can still be considered rape because well, they were drunk and most likely mentally impaired