Discussion Maybe I should accept that I'll be miserable for a couple decades?

[WallTermite]

I don't think things will get better.

Methods are risky because of high chance of permanent damage. They are all risky.

Highest building I got access to is 5 stories, so a big no. I live with family, so there is no way to setup anything. If I lived alone I would just buy a pool, buy a gun illegally, and combine gunshot with drowning. 0% of surviving that.

Maybe it's time to accept that I'll be miserable for 30 more years until my parents pass away and I get some sort of freedom. Maybe I'm destined to live through old age like a tortoise until my heart gives up because I was too much of a coward to try more classic methods.

My dreams are in pieces. My meds aren't doing anything. Depression and anxiety are consuming me.

The early bus is not for everyone and maybe it's time to accept it.

I marked this as 'discussion' because I would like to hear if anyone else feels similar.

 

[Fabled Oblivion]

Sounds like you feel trapped by life in the sense you cant get the life you want and you expect if ctb does not work it will make your existance worse.

I want to make changes in my life but they dont seem to work and I break down when thing challenge me when they just shouldn't because they are thing that should work but when they involve people they break down due to expecting the worse.

I dont want to continue the life I got cause its suffering and I cant end it due to fear of failure but j keep pushing something better to try and decide I want something.

In the end I dont know if I want anything cause I have bee in pain for too long, so you exist cause you know it doesn't need to be comfortable anything you just know it right?

 

[Heavy_Metals117]

I have a similar feeling to you in that I have a deep rooted feeling that nothing will get better and only worse, but I'm also too afraid to ctb, afraid of it failing/afraid of oblivion. Even if I wasn't I also live with family, which makes it difficult for my preferred method.

Knowing that I likely won't ctb anytime soon despite feeling that things will only get worse most of the time, I try to improve myself just a little bit every day, like going for a walk or to the store or doing a job interview. If I can't, every other day and so on. Even if it feels meaningless and it's incredibly hard and I'm not sure if I'm actually improving because I don't know what I would do otherwise. Whenever I'm sitting and not trying I just end up spiraling because I can't control my thoughts especially when I'm alone.

I'm sorry if this doesn't help at all. I hope that you can find peace in this life if that is what you choose/have to do, and I'm sorry you're stuck in the situation that you are in.