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motel rooms

motel rooms

Survivor of incest. Gay. Please don't PM me.
Apr 13, 2021
7,081
I'm not a therapist and have no idea what else should be expected of me. I'm a human being who has no experience with therapy trying to stay away from suicidal urges with a hard life.

I'm only human - we all are.

I don't expect you to do anything on here except respect other members' pain & choices. I'm glad you're doing a little better.
 
PTSDPigeon

PTSDPigeon

Useless to live my life oppressed & kept by you :)
Dec 11, 2021
25
I'm glad I am, too. Hopefully I rest and get up and leave bed tomorrow and put the lamp away and the raging in my head subsides. I start work this week. It is never easy for me as I feel I've turned green, grown large almond shape fly-like eyes and transport to work on some sort of UFO (public transportation). Gray hair is showing up. Hopefully I see a "point" in some of it and think that one day things will be 'better" as I watch age set on and see how I live - how I could live for the rest of my life and suck it up without intervention from men at bus stops calling me a no-good-baby-making-machine who needs to find Jesus. Yak.

And go home and self-harm.

Hopefully this week is less stressful and I find alternatives and work with this CBT checklist and put the bottle down, find a gym, find my way out of a fog and bi-polar-ish, PTSD, schizophrenic rants and can type at my desk without feeling like I'm going to explode. And sink into a world where everyone looks like a cartoon character with fangs who wants to see women perfect, controlled and obey.

I dunno.

I guess managing triggers and finding workarounds in impossible situations might be possible. Perhaps I could wear a fake wedding ring, grow my hair, lie about everything and keep everyone around me feeling as comfortable as I would if they were just like me.

Right.

Good nite.
 
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Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
21,373
I'd only discourage public suicide because it's more likely that some idiot in the crowd, high on their own ego is going to make an attempt to indulge in being a Samaritan and swoop in to intervene somehow which would very likely make the experience more painful whether or not they succeed. Look at the guy from the beginning of The Incredibles for example. Do you really want to take the chance that your attempt happens to be in front of the one guy literally suited to stop your attempt and break your legs along the way? No thank you.
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
42,488
Many people who ctb in public are likely to be extremely desperate. The society is the problem for denying options of peaceful exits, many people feel as though they have no other option but to ctb in public in order to end their suffering. There is nothing selfish about suicide, after all we have the right to exit at a time of our own choosing.
 
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Hercules

Hercules

Arcanist
Jan 31, 2021
408
I saw someone commit suicide once. A friend of mine invited me to stay with her for a few weeks one summer. One day she took me to the local mall which had 4 floors. We were going down the escalator from the 2nd to the 1st floor. A woman jumped from the 4th floor. She didn't die right away. That poor woman was still concious and screaming when they put her in the ambulance. I still have nightmares about this years later. I can see her laying there, bleeding, and screaming. I have never heard anyone scream like that before, and I hope I never do again.
I would never be able to do a public suicide. I couldn't traumatize innocent people like that. No one deserves that. I especially wouldn't want to tramatize any kids who might witness the suicide or find my body, and mess them up them up for life.
 
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T

tieiwi

Experienced
Dec 11, 2021
240
I always thought ending it in a nice big forest or in the mountains (like switzerland or something) would be nice because the last thing I'd see is the beauty of nature which has always amazed me but the thought of someone finding me and being their trauma makes me feel guilty
 
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dustbiter

dustbiter

hewwo one and all :3
Nov 24, 2021
91
I saw someone commit suicide once. A friend of mine invited me to stay with her for a few weeks one summer. One day she took me to the local mall which had 4 floors. We were going down the escalator from the 2nd to the 1st floor. A woman jumped from the 4th floor. She didn't die right away. That poor woman was still concious and screaming when they put her in the ambulance. I still have nightmares about this years later. I can see her laying there, bleeding, and screaming. I have never heard anyone scream like that before, and I hope I never do again.
I would never be able to do a public suicide. I couldn't traumatize innocent people like that. No one deserves that. I especially wouldn't want to tramatize any kids who might witness the suicide or find my body, and mess them up them up for life.
im so sorry you went through that, that sounds so terrible ;~;/
also i love your kitty picture <3
 
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P

PerpetualPain

Member
Nov 26, 2021
76
Would N in a Hotel be considered a public suicide?
 
dustbiter

dustbiter

hewwo one and all :3
Nov 24, 2021
91
Would N in a Hotel be considered a public suicide?

i think it depends on ones own personal opinions and definitions!! to me, not really, bc its more like something u commit surrounded by people (like jumping off a building somewhere with other people around, or shooting yourself somewhere public like a mall or park), whereas in a hotel ur probably by yourself of with a partner, and the amount of people who will see u is minimized •3• thats just my opinion though :3
 
YuckyDucky

YuckyDucky

Member
Dec 10, 2021
39
My preferred plan is to do it outdoors. I have a specific place in mind. With good planning and a bit of luck, I'll give myself a week minimum before anyone has any idea I'm not just hanging out at home, and when they do realize I'm gone will still have great difficulty tracing where I went. It is also a very remote area so while it is always possible I will be found, it is far more likely nature will clean things up for me. I might even ditch my gear and clothes a good distance away to further lessen the chance of being found/identified as a human body.

Plan B is a hotel room. Obviously in that case I will definitely be found, but I would still take steps to avoid needlessly traumatizing others. I would get a suite with a main room and separate bedroom. I would do it in the bedroom and put a sign on the door from the main room that there is a dead body inside. Then the hotel can call the police or coroner to deal with it.
 
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Hercules

Hercules

Arcanist
Jan 31, 2021
408
im so sorry you went through that, that sounds so terrible ;~;/
also i love your kitty picture <3
Thank you. That's my cat Tiger. I love your cat picture too. He is so cute. I always smile when I see him
 
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WatermelonMel

WatermelonMel

Melon Master
Aug 19, 2019
408
I don't recommend suicide, period. Another day to live always has something pretty to offer
Too bad another day isn't going to cure my mental illnesses
 
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LeGuitarist

LeGuitarist

Eternally Lost
Mar 19, 2021
108
i know everyone has different views and reasons for things, but does anyone else really dislike public suicide in most situations? ;~;

i realize some people are really hurting and view society as responsible for it, or maybe for not helping or supporting them, like i understand the view point.

but like… idk!! i dont want to traumatize random people because of my own pain, regardless of how i feel about society or other people ;w;.

i dont want to be the thing that pushes a stranger to feel like i do. i have no desire to make others feel this pain; i even feel bad for the first responders who'd have to come get my body!

idk, i understand the pain of a person willing to ctb that way, but you cant know what mental state the people around you might be in, yknow? id much rather do it in private and minimize the amount of people who'll see me, tbh.

maybe it's not a popular opinion, idk, but it's what i think ;w;!!
View attachment 80767
I agree. I don't want a public suicide; the more private, the better
 
NatureHermit921

NatureHermit921

Rotting in a forest somewhere in Germany
Feb 3, 2019
30
Many people who ctb in public are likely to be extremely desperate. The society is the problem for denying options of peaceful exits,
This has been my point of reasoning for a long time when talking about train or railways methods. It is somewhat public and you are affecting a lot of peoples lives that day. BUT! If you dont have a failproof method that you can do at home.. what are your options?
 
F

Flying Away

A listening ear is better than suffering in silenc
Nov 20, 2021
393
yes, I think people have a right. I've lost good friends to suicide and seen a lot of it. I've seen plenty of suffering and understand when enough is enough and empathize with people in so much pain (mental illness, physical ailments, terminal illness) that they're left with no other choice. I've got experience and have self-harmed abruptly without a plan. I had NO SELF CONTROL and don't take responsibility for my out of control pain. I had to. I didn't die. I didn't tell anybody. I got up a few days later and went back to work quietly, to work another year of 75/hr workweeks, isolated. Ok. And I'm pro-choice for women. Nobody needs to make women have a baby, assign them a husband, refer to them as "go in peace now, you've been washed", or something to GIVE to.

I'm very pro-choice.

I'm only speaking from my own experience because I've had GOOD TIMES also and tried to make the most of a poor situation. I'm just saying what has helped me. People on this forum helped me find alternative methods to suicide (such as CBT - which I'm starting to learn about for "self-help" with anxiety / panic / PTSD - whatever I HAVE) and I'm refreshed when I'm encouraged by other people who send me sweet email messages letting me know that they care. I feel connected to somebody when I don't feel like being seen.

I am PRO-CHOICE but I will RAISE MY HAND and SUGGEST that they TAKE THAT PILL AND FLUSH it when they're half-way thru a suicide attempt. I cannot morally do anything, but say "NO". "Don't leave". "I love you".

People DO RECOVER (or go into "remission" and I've seen people get up and live fulfilling lives again - imperfect. It is HORRIBLE to watch people suffer.

(NOTE: i edited this with "I WILL RAISE MY HAND". I will not watch someone mid-suicide attempt or with a loaded weapon to their head and not make some kind of reference to "well, maybe we can take a shower" or "maybe we can go for a walk". Clouds have cleared for me, even if temporarily before the next storm rolls in and I'm in my room lighting carbon monoxide lamps or drinking myself unconscious to deal with anxiety, panic, isolation, fear, abandonment, child-abuse, sexual abuse, oppression of women, getting old, fear of dying in the street, family relations, "pervasive thoughts", overwork, OCD, a maze that I can't get out of, a chanting in my head of "you're crazy, you imagined it". When I have a good day, I try to make it last and make the next one better so I don't become suicidal again. i've struggled with suicide now for more than a decade and a half. I don't anticipate it changing. I will INTERJECT and have seen people stop mid-effort (half pills now, half later) and understand. I've had botched attempts myself or I wouldn't be here. Life is a rollercoaster - some times it's too much and can't be handled - some "have to go". Ok. There.
Did you read the NYT article and decide to come here to mock people in serious pain?
 
blueclover_.

blueclover_.

Better Never to Have Been: 2006, David Benatar
Oct 11, 2021
668
I don't recommend suicide, period. Another day to live always has something pretty to offer, after you come out of the hurricane. Another might follow, but there's always something there (dog to pet, view, hike) that I'm eventually emotionally available for again after some time.
New member with this 'Tomorrow will always be better' pro-life propaganda. You came from that article didn't you? Take it easy, you just sound so fresh off the pro-life boat. Suicide is a perfectly rational decision to prevent more suffering. Not everyone's life gets better. Some people believed this and they suffered for decades because of this lie.
 
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rationaltake

rationaltake

I'm rocking it - in another universe
Sep 28, 2021
2,707
i know everyone has different views and reasons for things, but does anyone else really dislike public suicide in most situations? ;~;

i realize some people are really hurting and view society as responsible for it, or maybe for not helping or supporting them, like i understand the view point.

but like… idk!! i dont want to traumatize random people because of my own pain, regardless of how i feel about society or other people ;w;.

i dont want to be the thing that pushes a stranger to feel like i do. i have no desire to make others feel this pain; i even feel bad for the first responders who'd have to come get my body!

idk, i understand the pain of a person willing to ctb that way, but you cant know what mental state the people around you might be in, yknow? id much rather do it in private and minimize the amount of people who'll see me, tbh.

maybe it's not a popular opinion, idk, but it's what i think ;w;!!
View attachment 80767
I totally agree. Loving the ginger cat!
Would N in a Hotel be considered a public suicide?
I don't think so. It's not ideal but just trying to make the best of a difficult situation. Not good for the hotel staff but once again people wouldn't have to resort to this if assisted suicide were available.
 
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MelancholyMagic

MelancholyMagic

For my next trick, I will disappear
Dec 12, 2021
219
Hmm...public suicide. This is a difficult question.
On one hand, it's not a nice thing on an individual level to traumatize people who view it. Also, there is the practicality aspect: Someone may try to prevent you, or call the authorities who will try to prevent you (and lock you up in a re-education camp).
But, why would anyone consider public suicide? Political suicides aside, it seems like it would be an act of necessity. If the government allowed us access to N without restriction, there would be no need to commit in public. It is the insidious government paternalism that deprives people of the right to die that "forces the hand" of those who ctb in public. For this reason, public suicide is entirely justifiable - the way the government and society has made it forces one to use less than ideal methods.
There is also using public suicide as a point. Like "Hey, everyone. Because of you supporting awful suicide prevention coercion, I am making my suicide be public as a statement against such coercion". Still, not a nice thing on an individual level for those who see, but may be a-ok on a societal level.
 
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StarryStarry

StarryStarry

Cat Lady
Oct 25, 2021
749
I thing people who ctb in public are trying to make a statement - they're trying to shock someone or trying to make somebody who hurt this individual feel guilty - well we all know that doesn't work. I'd rather ctb in private.
 
SadJessu

SadJessu

Just tired.
Aug 17, 2020
168
I don't think it's controversial really. Most of us would be in agreement to harm the least amount of people possible while ending it. The problem arises when you have governments that drastically restrict the ability to have more private and peaceful methods. While I understand that they are well meaning, it just puts others at risk by restricting the suicidal to more public, traumatic methods like jumping and trains.
 

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