Many suicidal people don't want to die

[Defenestration]

Okay, I know what you might be thinking, "Wdym dont want to die? isnt that the point?" Well, its more complicated.
I obviously cant speak for EVERYONE, but this is how i personally feel, and have seen others feel as well.
I am suicidal ( Duh ) but, I dont want to die.
I just simply want to be freed from this cruel world. But dying is the only way. Sometimes I feel like i dont deserve to say im suicidal because of this, but to ANYONE feeling this way: You are not alone.

I dont want to be die...i want to be dead to stop suffering...only long terme solution i found

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I want to die, to be dead to not exist forever. I believe after Death I will not exist forever. that's what i want. However the problem with trying to kill yourself without assistance is higher risk of failure and remaining alive with brain damage.

most suicide attempts fail. i think it's 29 attempts per suicide . I've seen many fail here. i've heard of many their si calling the hospital after N or sn ingestion. I don't know about most people but i';m not in perfect control of my brain. I or part of my brain says i want to need to work on my suicide method and plan or do some task and i end up watching dumb youtube videos that have nothing to do with my goals or problems.

suicide is very difficult and they've made it much more difficult by making assisted suicide , nembutal , suicide kits etc crimes.

There are many reasons i want to die. To avoid future pain. to avoid old age. there is no objective reason for me to live. there is no objective purpose to life or objective reason to want to live imo . I was brought here against my will witout my consent. imo life is an imposition / torture / slavery / prison / opression / old age / diseases / problems / threat of unbearable pain and many more horrible things.

I don't know it seem Mark Twain thinks that death is non-existence and that non-existence is not bad.

Smart guy. lived in the 1800's and knew he was dead for billions of years non-existent without all the science to back all that up in the next 150 years. Darwin also , Zapphe , mainlander , Shopenhaur, Thomas ligotti, and another philosohper who shot himself Carlo Michelstaedter was great, i agree with these . Also efil blaise .


part of my brain sees the logic of non-existence. in non-existence all my problems are solved and I can't have any problems ever, I can't suffer unbearable pain never, never suffer , never have to do anything. However in horrible life and this evil world there are 1000's of horrible things i hate like old age , cancer , diseases, oppression, suicide prohibition , lies , having to work , chores , responsibilities, having to deal with humans, problems , suffering, ticks, accidents , stroke , kidnapping torture, brain damage, chores, taking out trash , many more..... in non-existence i would be free from all those hells and that hell which is life. I don't think any of the supposed "good" or "fun" crap things are worth the worst torture imaginable nor even all that work i have to do every day for no reason no purpose. all those "fun:" things imo are just addictions.

And also it's not like any one has a choice because every human will die. you can't choose not to die because everyone will die sooner or later and imo not exist forever. i could choose to stay alive for a while longer and suffer and then die anyway whether i kill myself or not i will die anyway. And after death i won't remember anything that happened

 

[pagedelight]

Inversely, there are many that hold the belief that "we asked for this existence". I know it sounds stupid, who would ask for such a miserable human experience? But what if that's the point? To collect this human experience, just to add it to the tally.

I've had dozens of NDE's with DMT. If my experiences hold any clues to what comes "next", we reconnect with the universe for a short time, then get plugged back into something else. Sometimes you have previous memories of your past life, sometimes not.

Children Who Report Memories of Past Lives - Division of Perceptual Studies

Tucker writes about James Leininger, a boy who had past-life memories of being a WWII pilot, and Ryan Hammond, who had memories of being a Hollywood agent.

med.virginia.edu

Yeah, I can't imagine consenting to living a life like this.

As someone who consumes fiction a lot its really something that the human imagination always seems so much better and livelier than actual life. Like I'd rather have been born into the realm of some of these fictional realities than the one I got saddled with to be honest.

It'd be nice if when you died you could choose where you want to plug yourself back into if you're going to plug yourself back into living anyway.

Also what do you mean by "add it to the tally"?

 

[trashhologram]

Struggling with mental illness is such a terrible burden. Mental healthcare is decades behind where it should be. If you're not having success with prescribed medicine, I definitely recommend hallucinogenics like psilocybin or DMT. DMT is like 5 years of therapy in 5 minutes.

I think if my wife hadn't scared us into ditching all our equipment we wouldn't be seeking to ctb.

I can't get any therapy because I'm an addict which is fucked up tbh. We addicts need and deserve treatment too! I use because of depression and trauma.

I've done LSD and psilocybin, actually shrooms helped me recover the first time but unfortunately my depression came back after a few years. Maybe next fall I'll go for some shroom picking haha

 

[cosmic_traveler]

Also what do you mean by "add it to the tally"?

If the purpose of life is for the universe to experience itself. Like an AI running a simulation, just collecting data points.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I don't want to die, I want to be dead. I think I'm one of the rare few people who see death as a preferred choice rather than the lesser of two evils (i.e. life and death). In fact, it's the beauty in permanent non existence which has made me love death so much more and has also made me wish I could be dead as early as possible. I've noticed a lot of people here want to be dead as a last resort but I always wanted to be dead. I see beauty in me being ignorant and in complete inertia

 

[MrShino]

Same here, nothing more I'd wish for than live a meaningful and good life. It's just this world, the sufferings and mental anguish that is overbearing.

 

[oddetoad]

I just hate the fact that we don't know.

If we knew what happened it would also be easier to ctb

 

[R_N]

I think this is well said and some people missed the point. I don't think this is necessarily a "pro-life" sentiment. Human body seeks to feel good and dying doesn't really provide that. Death is just an escape from overwhelming cruelty of life and expected hardships but dying is also cruel. It could just end up to be a lesser evil for individual.

Not existing is ideal but if it was so simple all of us who suffer would be dead by now. Idealising dying is a bit of cope imo but I guess it also serves as a way to make yourself more daring to do it. You have to convince yourself that it is something beautiful. To me, like I said many times, both life and death are unfortunate consequence of reproduction. So like usual in these types of threads I am not siding with either.

I would rather I was never born than having to live and die. And I would rather not be a human puppet I am. There is nothing more to me than being a human robot. I will never be able to experience freedom in this life or after. I was forced into this life without free will and will just break down and decay into pieces.

 

[Abyssal]

I can't think right now but I agree and want you to know that

 

[TransientEternal]

You're still valid. I sometimes have a will to die, but I've never had a will to live.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I don't want to die, I want to be dead. I think I'm one of the rare few people who see death as a preferred choice rather than the lesser of two evils (i.e. life and death). In fact, it's the beauty in permanent non existence which has made me love death so much more and has also made me wish I could be dead as early as possible. I've noticed a lot of people here want to be dead as a last resort but I always wanted to be dead. I see beauty in me being ignorant and in complete inertia

I agree with you. I think there are only a few of us here even on this forum who see non-existence forever preferable to the prison / torture / slavery / imposition which is life and this evil world. I think the way the OP worded the question made every one say exactly how they feel . I had no idea it was like this here . I thought in real life irl other websites etc I thought irl most people wanted to live like 99%. but here i thought it would be different . Another reason for me to ctb asap there's no one who shares my philosophy my values my fundamental beliefs. I believe" life is bad". Why would I want to stay in something that I think is bad? I believe non-existence is good. Just one of many reasons I believe this is that while alive I am under threat of unbearable pain but while not existing I can't ever suffer pain. I can't have an honest discussion with anyone irl. If I start saying something like we all die anyway or life is bad they'll run for the hills and hate me . When I say we all die anyway they do look kind of shocked some of them

I guess the normies really don't want to be dead . How do they deal with the fact that we all will die? I want to be dead. I just worry about avoiding any bad pain from now until beautiful non-existence

There is a difference between dieing and being dead . While dying you are still alive and could be suffering immensely as suffering dieing from cancer for months or hours dieing etc. the difference is when dead you cant feel pain while dieing yes u can feel pain cause you are still alive. I fear the process of dieng because it could be painful . I don't fear Death cause when ur dead u don't exist and can't feel pain. Death is like before I was born non-existence

 

[Ilovedyoulikeadog]

It's true. I don't really want to die. I just don't want to feel this torture and anguish going on in my head anymore, but, with BPD, there is no turn off. You either live with it, or it consumes you.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I agree with you. I think there are only a few of us here even on this forum who see non-existence forever preferable to the prison / torture / slavery / imposition which is life and this evil world. I think the way the OP worded the question made every one say exactly how they feel . I had no idea it was like this here . I thought in real life irl other websites etc I thought irl most people wanted to live like 99%. but here i thought it would be different . Another reason for me to ctb asap there's no one who shares my philosophy my values my fundamental beliefs. I believe" life is bad". Why would I want to stay in something that I think is bad? I believe non-existence is good. Just one of many reasons I believe this is that while alive I am under threat of unbearable pain but while not existing I can't ever suffer pain. I can't have an honest discussion with anyone irl. If I start saying something like we all die anyway or life is bad they'll run for the hills and hate me . When I say we all die anyway they do look kind of shocked some of them

I guess the normies really don't want to be dead . How do they deal with the fact that we all will die? I want to be dead. I just worry about avoiding any bad pain from now until beautiful non-existence

There is a difference between dieing and being dead . While dying you are still alive and could be suffering immensely as suffering dieing from cancer for months or hours dieing etc. the difference is when dead you cant feel pain while dieing yes u can feel pain cause you are still alive. I fear the process of dieng because it could be painful . I don't fear Death cause when ur dead u don't exist and can't feel pain. Death is like before I was born non-existence

Exactly all of this. I'm shocked at how death is seen as a last resort for most people here. I wish I could explain it but I can't. It makes no sense to me at all. Also, I'm sorry about nobody following those philosophy of life. A lot of people are just designed to choose life by default I guess. However, you at least got one supporter of your philosophy here. Death is peaceful and unless if some new and proven information comes out about death not being peaceful, I'll always prefer death over life

 

[IWishToDie]

Okay, I know what you might be thinking, "Wdym dont want to die? isnt that the point?" Well, its more complicated.
I obviously cant speak for EVERYONE, but this is how i personally feel, and have seen others feel as well.
I am suicidal ( Duh ) but, I dont want to die.
I just simply want to be freed from this cruel world. But dying is the only way. Sometimes I feel like i dont deserve to say im suicidal because of this, but to ANYONE feeling this way: You are not alone.

I want to stop the pain but I can't see it ending anytime soon. Death just sounds more beautiful everyday. It's horrible to arrive at this point but it's just how I feel. I think that even if my problems went away tomorrow I would STILL feel like leaving because they could always come back later in life. I feel too traumatised by everything I have felt and seen. Big sad Friday mood here.

 

[narcissist_pd]

I Don't Want to die. If I could only go back in time and not make the stupid impulsive decision that ruined my life.. And many stupid decisions before that. I just don't see another choice as to end this existence with all its depression, anxiety and regrets

 

[Shimidori]

I do genuinely think that, even if I had the life that I robbed myself of, I would still be leaning closer to death than to life.

There's just a severe disconnect between my imaginary "soul" and the body I inhabit. From gender dysphoria, to body dysmorphia, to simply not liking seeing the reflection that I face on the mirror, I simply dislike living in the body I inhabit, and find a certain jealousy on the other side of the fence: the side of the world where I'm never allowed to step in due to the things outside of my control. In a twisted way, death would be a chance to re-roll and get to see that side of the wall in another life (if reincarnation is even real).