Resource Manipulation Tactics

[Going Home]

Assigning someone to a task, not giving them ANY information then calling them incompetent.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

The thing that makes it so hard is that while some of ill intent in these tactics are blatantly obvious, especially guilt tripping, sometimes people genuinely are confused or didn't mean to come off as hurtful, so I am always unable to tell when it is manipulating and when it is just genuinely what they think. But I don't understand people in the first place because I am an alien

 

[sufferingalways]

The thing that makes it so hard is that while some of ill intent in these tactics are blatantly obvious, especially guilt tripping, sometimes people genuinely are confused or didn't mean to come off as hurtful, so I am always unable to tell when it is manipulating and when it is just genuinely what they think. But I don't understand people in the first place because I am an alien

Hi I struggle with the same thing. Sorry to hear you do too. Who are they in your life?
Mine's the landlord / housing officer (see my signature)

Assigning someone to a task, not giving them ANY information then calling them incompetent.

That's not helpful. Sorry to hear that.

 

[diyCTB]

I don't see stonewalling being here:

Stonewalling is a refusal to communicate or cooperate. Such behaviour occurs in situations such as marriage guidance counseling, diplomatic negotiations, politics and legal cases.[1] Body language may indicate and reinforce this by avoiding contact and engagement with the other party.[2] People use deflection in a conversation in order to render a conversation pointless and insignificant. Tactics in stonewalling include giving sparse, vague responses, refusing to answer questions, or responding to questions with additional questions. In most cases, stonewalling is a stalling tactic rather than an avoidance tactic.

Assigning someone to a task, not giving them ANY information then calling them incompetent.

I worked on a job as a waiter. They didn't teach me but expected me to know the job. Somehow I felt I was at fault for being incompetent or missing something because other people would probably know the job in my place. When I tried doing tasks narcissistic boss would sometimes watch what I am doing and it felt pressuring. I tried to make it look like I know what I am doing and never questioned or defended myself. One piece of shit waiter told me to go home even despite trying my best at this job. What a piece of shit that place it was. Too bad I chose to endure it instead of quitting at the first signs of BS, ending up with major depression.

 

[Pluto]

I still remember when I first discovered that Wikipedia article about manipulation. About 95% of what was listed was just the normal modus operandi of my parents and sisters. To this day, they admit little or no wrongdoing - which is gaslighting in and of itself. Fun times.

 

[diyCTB]

@Pluto Without internet we would never become aware of this.

 

[stellabelle]

Yep
Matt herrman the fucking fuckface rapist
I hate my life because of faggots like him
And the rest of them
And fucking evil bullshit cops and bullshit courts and bullshit people like my sisters
I hope they all fucking die

 

[dss262]

From Wikipedia, here are the covert manipulation techniques identified by George Simon in the book In Sheep's Clothing. From narcissists to guilt trippers, these are tactics that warn your boundaries and/or autonomy are under attack:

• Lying (by commission) : It is hard to tell if somebody is lying at the time they do it, although often the truth may be apparent later when it is too late. One way to minimize the chances of being lied to is to understand that some personality types (particularly psychopaths) are experts at the art of lying and cheating, doing it frequently, and often in subtle ways.
• Lying by omission: This is a subtle form of lying by withholding a significant amount of the truth. This technique is also used in propaganda.
• Denial: Manipulator refuses to admit that they have done something wrong.
• Rationalization: An excuse made by the manipulator for inappropriate behavior. Rationalization is closely related to spin.
• Minimization: This is a type of denial coupled with rationalization. The manipulator asserts that their behavior is not as harmful or irresponsible as someone else was suggesting, for example, saying that a taunt or insult was only a joke.
• Selective inattention or selective attention: Manipulator refuses to pay attention to anything that may distract from their agenda, saying things like "I don't want to hear it".
• Diversion: Manipulator not giving a straight answer to a straight question and instead being diversionary, steering the conversation onto another topic.
• Evasion: Similar to diversion but giving irrelevant, rambling, vague responses, weasel words.
• Covert intimidation: Manipulator throwing the victim onto the defensive by using veiled (subtle, indirect or implied) threats.
• Guilt trip: A special kind of intimidation tactic. A manipulator suggests to the conscientious victim that they do not care enough, are too selfish or have it easy. This usually results in the victim feeling bad, keeping them in a self-doubting, anxious and submissive position.
• Shaming: Manipulator uses sarcasm and put-downs to increase fear and self-doubt in the victim. Manipulators use this tactic to make others feel unworthy and therefore defer to them. Shaming tactics can be very subtle such as a fierce look or glance, unpleasant tone of voice, rhetorical comments, subtle sarcasm. Manipulators can make one feel ashamed for even daring to challenge them. It is an effective way to foster a sense of inadequacy in the victim.
• Vilifying the victim: More than any other, this tactic is a powerful means of putting the victim on the defensive while simultaneously masking the aggressive intent of the manipulator, while the manipulator falsely accuses the victim as being an abuser in response when the victim stands up for or defends themselves or their position.
• Playing the victim role: Manipulator portrays themself as a victim of circumstance or of someone else's behavior in order to gain pity, sympathy or evoke compassion and thereby get something from another. Caring and conscientious people cannot stand to see anyone suffering and the manipulator often finds it easy to play on sympathy to get cooperation.
• Playing the servant role: Cloaking a self-serving agenda in the guise of a service to a more noble cause, for example saying they are acting in a certain way to be "obedient" to or in "service" to an authority figure or "just doing their job".
• Seduction: Manipulator uses charm, praise, flattery or overtly supporting others in order to get them to lower their defenses and give their trust and loyalty to the manipulator. They will also offer help with the intent to gain trust and access to an unsuspecting victim they have charmed.
• Projecting the blame (blaming others): Manipulator scapegoats in often subtle, hard-to-detect ways. Often, the manipulator will project their own thinking onto the victim, making the victim look like they have done something wrong. Manipulators will also claim that the victim is the one who is at fault for believing lies that they were conned into believing, as if the victim forced the manipulator to be deceitful. All blame, except for the part that is used by the manipulator to accept false guilt, is done in order to make the victim feel guilty about making healthy choices, correct thinking and good behaviors. It is frequently used as a means of psychological and emotional manipulation and control. Manipulators lie about lying, only to re-manipulate the original, less believable story into a "more acceptable" truth that the victim will believe. Projecting lies as being the truth is another common method of control and manipulation. Manipulators love to falsely accuse the victim as "deserving to be treated that way." They often claim that the victim is crazy and/or abusive, especially when there is evidence against the manipulator. (See Feigning, below.)
• Feigning innocence: Manipulator tries to suggest that any harm done was unintentional or that they did not do something that they were accused of. Manipulator may put on a look of surprise or indignation. This tactic makes the victim question their own judgment and possibly their own sanity.
• Feigning confusion: Manipulator tries to play dumb by pretending they do not know what the victim is talking about or is confused about an important issue brought to their attention. The manipulator intentionally confuses the victim in order for the victim to doubt their own accuracy of perception, often pointing out key elements that the manipulator intentionally included in case there is room for doubt. Sometimes manipulators will have used cohorts in advance to help back up their story.
• Brandishing anger: Manipulator uses anger to brandish sufficient emotional intensity and rage to shock the victim into submission. The manipulator is not actually angry, they just put on an act. They just want what they want and get "angry" when denied. Controlled anger is often used as a manipulation tactic to avoid confrontation, avoid telling the truth or to further hide intent. There are often threats used by the manipulator of going to the police, or falsely reporting abuses that the manipulator intentionally contrived to scare or intimidate the victim into submission. Blackmail and other threats of exposure are other forms of controlled anger and manipulation, especially when the victim refuses initial requests or suggestions by the manipulator. Anger is also used as a defense so the manipulator can avoid telling truths at inconvenient times or circumstances. Anger is often used as a tool or defense to ward off inquiries or suspicion. The victim becomes more focused on the anger instead of the manipulation tactic.
• Bandwagon effect: Manipulator comforts the victim into submission by claiming (whether true or false) that many people already have done something, and the victim should as well. These include phrases such as "Many people like you ..." or "Everyone does this anyways." Such manipulation can be seen in peer pressure situations, often occurring in scenarios where the manipulator attempts to influence the victim into trying drugs or other substances.

Adding to the list gaslighting: An attempt to manipulate the victim's perception of reality in order to have greater control of and power over the victim.

Gosh, my ex is so much of this.

 

[Josh007]

Source: Book, Why does he do that; Lundy Bancroft

THE WARNING SIGNS OF ABUSE IN RELATIONSHIPS

He speaks disrespectfully about his

former partners.

He is disrespectful toward you.

He does favors for you that you don't want or puts on such a show of generosity that it makes you uncomfortable.

He is controlling. He is possessive. Nothing is ever his fault. He is self-centered.

He abuses drugs or alcohol.

He pressures you for sex. He gets serious too quickly about the relationship. He intimidates you when he's angry.

He has double standards.

He has negative attitudes toward

women.

He treats you differently around other people. He appears to be attracted to vulnerability.

 

[LadyOfLight]

My parents fit this description too well

 

[KAZ-2Y5]

Also if nobody said it: double entendres are another abuse/manipulation tactic abusers use.

 

[Tommen Baratheon]

This reminds me of Territoriumtheorie by Cor Bakker, a very old book, but still valid imho.

In essence, the writer views people's behaviour as gaining/defending territory from each other. To do this they use 'weapons' as described in the OP.

Threats: If you don't do this I will report you.

Playing the victim: If you don't do this they will report me.

Flattery, helpnessless, 'for your own good', sickness, gifts, forming coaltion, smokescreen, slow infiltration, ...

If you know these weapons, then you will realize how people are trying to manipulate you and in return, you can use those weapons against them. Chances are they won't even realize it.

 

[hereornot]

I'm even scared. I saw through my mother and brother perfectly on almost every manipulative topic.