Major SI kicking in

[Hope:-)]

It's almost my time and all of a sudden I have MAJOR SI kicking in. Anyone know how to combat this because I do still want to go. Any tips?

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that those who know the answer to the question are no longer here but I do personally think that those who managed to overcome the SI got so desperate to leave and all that they wanted was to escape from their situation. Dying really can be so difficult, if only there was a way to just never wake again without ever having to think about methods. I actually think that if I had a peaceful and reliable way to ctb then I would have no problems leaving this world, in my case its more the fear of the method failing and having limited access to methods. I wish you the best, I know that for many the SI really can be so frustrating as after all, all humans are programmed to survive.

 

[GasMonkey]

What's your method?

 

[Hope:-)]

What's your method?

SN

 

[Idontmatter]

It's almost my time and all of a sudden I have MAJOR SI kicking in. Anyone know how to combat this because I do still want to go. Any tips?

I was afraid of si but now I am so exhausted fighting im ready to be done. If I could drink sn right now I would

 

[a_dead_mess]

hey, how are you feeling now?

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

only time I made a series attempt I had not slept properly about a month or so and I was completely out of mymind and highly agitated… Even then I had a very strong SI … I don't know how one is able to overcome this… We are built to adapt to even really awful circumstances of daily misery…

 

[Hope:-)]

hey, how are you feeling now?

A little better thanks. I still have constantly sweaty palms because I know I'm going to go through with it. Mornings are the worst for it. Had a strange situation where I dreamt that I had already ctb and this life was just learning and that I went back to my actual life...I woke up today horrified that that I hadn't done it yet. Scary times.

 

[a_dead_mess]

A little better thanks. I still have constantly sweaty palms because I know I'm going to go through with it. Mornings are the worst for it. Had a strange situation where I dreamt that I had already ctb and this life was just learning and that I went back to my actual life...I woke up today horrified that that I hadn't done it yet. Scary times.

that's the most horrific dream you can have on your ctb day. I whole-heartedly wish you peace and comfort

 

[Hope:-)]

that's the most horrific dream you can get on your ctb day. I whole-heartedly wish you peace and comfort

Thankyou. It's not my cbt day today, but it's next month so still one let down of a morning.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Is it just fear of death or does it mean that you have unfinished business or things you want to still experience?

I wrote a post yesterday on ways I think might helpful to be fight SI. Perhaps you can do dry runs of the attempt by swallowing glasses something harmless just to gain muscle memory of it. And you can focus on how your natural mortality and never having to deal with pain again.

 

[rationaltake]

Yes. My life is pointless agony but I'm still here. I need to go. I really do.

 

[GasMonkey]

I dreamt that I had already ctb and this life was just learning and that I went back to my actual life

Maybe that's what really will happen.

 

[Hope:-)]

I am gaining more acceptance about any pain. Ive worked hard today to feel better about it. I kinda feel like if pain happens I will be so in the thick of it that I'll just be fighting and not thinking about it which makes it easier. I just have to just keep putting one foot in front of the other until I drink it.

Maybe that's what really will happen.

Is it weird that I think it is. Probably to most people but I don't care :-)

 

[GhostNote]

I wish I knew. Only reason I'm not dead is SI

 

[Hope:-)]

Seriously, how does one ensure they don't cry for help or something? Can you put rag in your mouth when you do the sn method?

 

[bmw8]

Seriously, how does one ensure they don't cry for help or something? Can you put rag in your mouth when you do the sn method?

Use diazepam to physically relax you a propranolol to reduce heartbeat, also distract yourself as much as you can with music, games etc

 

[Hope:-)]

SI sucks. Seiously.

 

[emgrl]

SI sucks. Seiously.

It sure does

 

[Hope:-)]

One week till hotel check in. Hopefully getting the rest of the meds this week. SI has been terrible today. I wish I was one of the many people who believe sn to be painless- just some discomfort. If I'm honest I don't believe that. Feel at the end of my tether but don't know if I can go through with it. Keep telling myself that even if I die in agony loads of people have to die in agony and what makes me so special that I shouldn't too? So far having limited success with that. Will keep trying.