I don't know if your talking about me but if you are you don't know whats it really like. Its impossible to meet anyone and i don't want to go to nightclub/bars and if even if you do meet someone these days girls have hundreds of options its basically waste of time even trying anymore thats why i gave up.
Temporal_Anchorite
wanting outta this bitch
- Sep 23, 2022
- 138
For real. Every time I've started dating a new girl, it's like it inspires me to become a better person and renew my lease on life. Shawty got me reading self-help books and browsing health forums and shit lmao
I was saying it in general, I think that what you say about girls is a prejudice that is held on the internet, I have read it a lot of times, I am not saying that it is not like that, but I think that you should not let anyone cloud your judgment. Be like that and if you have had bad experiences with girls, don't let one or another bad experience ruin your life.
I am older than most on here, and I ONLY mention this aspect as I have through the decades had lady friends, been married once, that is over thank heavens and have been by myself (now) and have co-lived with ladies before also.
In my life, from what I have experienced and seen from lots of folks, everyone is so different in everything, from likes, dislikes of food, drink and whether to have a partner or not.
Like with everything in life, it is a balancing act as far as like having a partner is fun and great, HOWEVER there is always tradeoffs to consider.
Someday, maybe, I will have a friend again but at least in my age group it is not the end of days type situation.
You @Eventually_An_Angel are a great friend on SaSu to/for me and I wish you all the happiness in this world.
Walter
In my life, from what I have experienced and seen from lots of folks, everyone is so different in everything, from likes, dislikes of food, drink and whether to have a partner or not.
Like with everything in life, it is a balancing act as far as like having a partner is fun and great, HOWEVER there is always tradeoffs to consider.
Someday, maybe, I will have a friend again but at least in my age group it is not the end of days type situation.
You @Eventually_An_Angel are a great friend on SaSu to/for me and I wish you all the happiness in this world.
Walter
As someone who is basically forever alone I don't have "bad experiences" with girls other than them ignoring me or just always rejecting me. Best I've ever managed was to be friendzoned and I even got rejected from that eventually.
So it's not any "bad experience" from any one woman, but simply rejection after rejection after rejection eating away at my soul and self-esteem and ruining my life.
To think know all the hours, days , months, weeks and years I've wasted on dating apps or trying g to chat to women, and I have absolutely nothing to show for it, not even a kiss.
If you'd have told me it would all amount to nothing I'd have very happily ctb instead of dealing with so much trauma , despair, loneliness and disappointment
EvisceratedJester
|| What Else Could I Be But a Jester ||
- Oct 21, 2023
- 3,478
If they were talking to you then you would have replied to your post. That post was clearly directed more towards the OP. Also, please cut it with the "I can't find a girl but all these girls have it easy when it comes to finding a man" crap. Plenty of women have difficulties when it comes to finding a partner.
Well, it seems to me that the main problem here is that you don't love yourself enough, I'm not the one to say this since I don't do it either, but I think that you should learn to manage your loneliness and try to be happy with it, dating apps are not a good place to find girls who are worth it, they are just looking for fun, maybe you should do things you like, some sports, get out of the house more, I don't know, and then little by little you will socialize with people of your same tastes, without them Realize you will be surrounded by people you value
imo pretty poor advice to tell people "just love yourself" when they have suffered rejection their entire lives, but your heart is in the right place
I'm in my 40s and I've spent my entire life alone, I was reasonably happy and comfortable in my own company, albeit at least with the expectation/hope it wouldn't actually last forever.
My self-esteem used to be fine until I actually put more effort in trying dating apps and talking to women. You've got the situation completely backwards, there wasn't really any issue with me until I started failing completely and eventually coming to the realisation that I'll probably never experience romantic love.
I'd quite myself as a person except for my failures with dating and the fact I still feel like a child because of it. I also liked myself more when I wasn't trying, simply because you can't fail or get hurt and rejected if you're not really trying.
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mysteryboy
Member
- Feb 8, 2024
- 48
I thought having a girlfriend would solve my problems, then a girl was attracted to me and I felt as if I still hated myself
I know, but I can't tell him that he will never find anyone because that's not the case. If he tried in other ways he would surely find someone who values him for who he is. It's not like I can give him a hug because he's not here. It's all perspective. Really, if you manage to love yourself and accept what you have, you can get out of the abyss, that's what I always try to tell myself to stay alive.
Are you going to therapy friend?
No that's just a waste of time and money. All I need is to be loved.
Even a failed relationship would be huge progress me. In fact just a single date would be great.
For people who are looking to get out of the hole it is not a loss, I'm sorry but you can't demand love from someone, people can love you for a while, whether for your money, appearance or something of their convenience and then they can break your heart or disappoint you, all of this can make you worse than you already are if you do not have enough strength to accept that and move on, I believe that life puts these obstacles in our way because we cannot give the other person something that they do not We have, in this case love, don't focus on just the problem, try to find a solution, friend.
tbf i think goading people down this path on a pro-choice forum with the phrasing "don't focus on just the problem, try to find a solution" would raise a few disdainful harrumphs from bystanders. might unintentionally trivialize their struggles along with others
alienfreak
nobody
- Sep 25, 2024
- 223
Sorry but your posts seem unhelpful and tone-deaf. Dating apps have become very dominant as the most common way that people meet and their popularity is only increasing. The problem is not all about people not loving themselves, and becoming a 40 year old that enjoys solitude doesnt help. Dating is genuinely fucked in modern society and you haven't been helpful in trying to navigate it
That's right, you said it, people like us always take everything very personally because of the experiences we have had, that is a point to work on if you want to get out of here.
Well I didn't say it to anger people or anything like that, but we are not the center of the world to get angry with something a stranger said on the internet.
If believing that makes you feel better, believe it, I believe that loneliness should be treated as a problem that should be treated by each of us personally since no one can or should tell you how to live your life, I believe that victimizing ourselves will not help. Not at all, it's not that we are going to listen to the absolute truth and the answers to your problems on the Internet, obviously I do not detract from the seriousness of the case but I feel that we cloud our vision of things when we should not, after all we are used to that.
iloveeetreeeess1
Member
- Sep 18, 2023
- 47
deadzombie6
Exhausted
- Oct 15, 2024
- 28
I feel the same im literally ready to even run away from my home if I get a boyfriend and if he asks me too....life feels meaningless without love
Eventually_An_Angel
Member
- Sep 16, 2024
- 50
Valhala
Student
- Jul 30, 2024
- 156
Today is my birthday and I'm not happy about it, everyone congratulates me except her and that irritates and makes me even more unhappy. Only because of her and only with her can I imagine staying here, I would like if she was at least aware of how much I really love her and how much I regret my own mistakes.
Duochrome-Seahorse
Some Person Who's Epic and Cool
- Feb 23, 2023
- 65
Thats totally not obessive and entitled at all. Why put all your validation onto one person? Habits like that are reasons people stray away. To put the responsibility of life and death onto one person just ruins any authenticity you'd expect from things happening naturally.
I get being obsessed with other people, but to make it take over your life like this will just make both parties miserable.
Happy late birthday tho.
@op: it won't help. if you're super disfunctional on your own, trying to be in a relationship will just make it worse. maintaining a relationship is extreme amounts of stress, just trying to make your shedules argeeable and seeing each other regularly already takes a bunch of work (why most working adults abandon their friends and just care for their partner, not healthy to socially isolate yourself like that btw). let alone solving conflicts- if it's not just a superficial distraction. you need to be somewhat stable already to benefit from a relationship unfortunately, otherwise it's just more overwhelming stuff to worry about
try finding hobbys that will fill you with purpose and lift your mood first
edit correction: I kow ONE person who met her bf through an app, she was only looking for friends tho and they were friends for several years before getting together, because they had so many interests and life goals in common
try finding hobbys that will fill you with purpose and lift your mood first
no one meets their wife/husband in a club or bar (or dating app). I like clubbing bc I like dancing, people who want to meet new people there are only trying to fuck, same goes for apps. it's not impossible to meet people, you need social hobbies, join hobby clubs. most people I know met their partners through mutual interests irl and not on apps or at partys.
edit correction: I kow ONE person who met her bf through an app, she was only looking for friends tho and they were friends for several years before getting together, because they had so many interests and life goals in common
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lawlietsph
can we be done here
- May 6, 2023
- 137
I get this. I really, really do. Being an ill, terrified and lost woman in this world- all I want is just someone to take my hand and show me what it feels like to be protected and loved, even if it's just for a tiny bit of time. Even if it lasts for a month, I want it.
I have so much love in me too, and it seems like nobody wants it or gives a shit. I want to love and care but I am too ugly and stupid.
I'll proudly admit that I am not a strong and independent woman. I survived 28 years alone without any help but I am tired of it. Give me a farm, a house, I'll take care of everything just let me live far away from society. I don't know anymore...
I have so much love in me too, and it seems like nobody wants it or gives a shit. I want to love and care but I am too ugly and stupid.
I'll proudly admit that I am not a strong and independent woman. I survived 28 years alone without any help but I am tired of it. Give me a farm, a house, I'll take care of everything just let me live far away from society. I don't know anymore...
ijustwishtodie
death will be my ultimate bliss
- Oct 29, 2023
- 4,858
Personally, me having a girlfriend wouldn't really do anything for me. Plus it makes no sense for me to be in a relationship to begin with since I'm unable to give love in return. I think I was meant to be alone due to how different I am from the entire human race. I think that, at best, it'd be nice if I had somebody irl who understood me and my issues but, lets be honest, i won't ever find that person irl
sevennn
Mage
- Sep 11, 2024
- 541
why every time someone on sasu, or someone anywhere makes a post about their romantic loneliness and the pain it brings. and how happy they would be if it wasn't so. if they were in a loving, and good relationships. everyone has to jump in and say "actually it doesn't bring any happiness", "actually it's a stupid thing to wish for", "actually you should be enough for your own self", "actually i have a boyfriend/girlfriend and i am still miserable" ??? why does romantic loneliness always gets dismissed like that. i don't understand. it is a human need to be loved, it's almost like it disgusts people when someone expresses pain over the absence of romance in their life. it is just a type of loneliness, is it not? it is a human need to have companionship. if i said "oh i wish i had friends" no one would come and tell me "actually it doesn't bring any happiness", ""actually it's a stupid thing to wish for", "actually you should be enough for your own self", "actually i have (a) friend/s and i am still miserable". why this knee jerk reaction when it's about romance and romantic love? almost like it's embarrassing to be longing for it. i don't get it. it does hurt to die never having it in the first place. i have a lot of pain about that from time to time. and it does hurt to have every single hardship in your life entirely alone. to know that every single horrible thing that's waiting for you. you'll be facing alone. no one to hug. and no shoulder to cry on. it is an entirely valid feeling. with nothing to dismiss. so stop it already. please
at least my post was not meant as dismissal. It's when you have a lot of issues maintaining normal frienship is already hard, adding romance to the mix makes stuff even more complicated and hard to manage, there's no use sugarcoating that. and many people look for an easy solution to their lonelyness, a lot of people ask why dating apps aren't working for them. reality is it works for no one. all people I know only used it for casual sex in their early adulthood (if at all) and met their actual long term partners through "traditional" means.
telling someone to find out what THEY like first and work on that, join mutual interest groups isn't dismissal, it's the best way to find a well matched partner you have stuff in common with. but you can't enter social spaces like it's speed dating, you have to be there bc you actually enjoy the thing you're doing, people will naturally be attracted to you due to your common passion then and you will build confidence and self worth pursuing an interest, which is good for you and others find attractive too.
I don't believe in "you have to love yourself first" bs either, humans are socially dependant creatures. loving yourself is learned behaviour, you need to learn from people who are kind to you to be kind to yourself, just like you learned to hate yourself from hateful people in the past.
sevennn
Mage
- Sep 11, 2024
- 541
i wasn't singling out anyone. just talking about this trend. i see it always happens. it's just getting on my nerve a little bit.
np didn't feel singled out, just realized my post can come off inconsiderate after reading your concerns. tho I'm aware there are much "meaner" replies in this thread
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