Venting love

[Lavínia]

I loved you. I dream about you constantly. When I exercise, get stressed, have a long day, lie in bed, fall into a deep sleep... I imagine us together. We talk, watch a movie together. I make you laugh. I drink water thinking of you; you never liked drinking. I eat rice thinking of you, the taste of cold rice that you refused to warm. I look at my hands, the day I held yours and we ran in the rain... I look at my waist, the day you measured it to make a skirt. I dream, praying that everything I once did will have meaning. I accepted the suffering of everything; that's what existence is for, just that, and only that. I live with boredom, remorse, and resentment, and knowing and being aligned with suffering doesn't take away the weight of any of it; it makes me more desperate. I pray, I dream, and I hope that everything I've done, everything, everything I've cultivated, avoided, and destroyed, will one day have meaning. It means something to you. That my love was essential, even when it wasn't necessary, it helped you live. living for myself was never enough

 

[lunar02102009]

I loved you. I dream about you constantly. When I exercise, get stressed, have a long day, lie in bed, fall into a deep sleep... I imagine us together. We talk, watch a movie together. I make you laugh. I drink water thinking of you; you never liked drinking. I eat rice thinking of you, the taste of cold rice that you refused to warm. I look at my hands, the day I held yours and we ran in the rain... I look at my waist, the day you measured it to make a skirt. I dream, praying that everything I once did will have meaning. I accepted the suffering of everything; that's what existence is for, just that, and only that. I live with boredom, remorse, and resentment, and knowing and being aligned with suffering doesn't take away the weight of any of it; it makes me more desperate. I pray, I dream, and I hope that everything I've done, everything, everything I've cultivated, avoided, and destroyed, will one day have meaning. It means something to you. That my love was essential, even when it wasn't necessary, it helped you live. living for myself was never enough

I cant lie that practically describes my love for her from feelings to words....i cant be with her hence one of my major reasons to ctb ..i will always love her and be in pain