Love sucks

[I ' M F I S H]

I've never been in a relationship. I've willingly avoided them like the plague and I'm starting to remember why now.

I wish I wasn't so selfish about him. I wish the jealousy and clinginess could go away, but nothing will help. If I had it my way, I wouldn't be in a poly with him. I'd have him all to myself. But that just isn't possible.

Which is why I must die. I can't bear to stay around, as much as I'd hate to hurt him like this. But it's probably for the best, I'm not cut out for any of this. I'm not cut out for existence and its constant struggles.

Not a day goes by without me shedding tears. The stress of everything that's happened to me (which I won't talk about) this year has been so disabling to deal with and I can't think of anything else besides death. Since it's the only thing I know will bring me peace.

My existence has been a lonely one but it's not something I'm ashamed of. I never went out much when I was younger and I'm the least social person I know. But I know this life will be over soon, I just have to be patient and wait for my time to come.

 

[whywere]

I wrap my arms around you and give you a HUGE hug my good friend.

I know the feeling of bi family nor friends; HOWEVER, you have everyone here now as a extended family from all over the globe, including me and I 100% want you to know that I consider you family and that having you here as family to/for me makes me smile and feel great.

Having no family nor friends and older, the 4 walls do get close sometimes, BUT you have me and so many others here, as I have you as family.

I have had 2 attempts, gall bladder cancer, and a VERY nasty car crash, car crash NOT my fault, just wrong place at the wrong time and now I have 24/7 chronic pain and am losing control on the right side of my body.

BUT, even with all this, I have folks like YOU here to help me each and every day and I hope and pray that in some small way, I can do and be the same for you also.

Lots of well wishes, and caring and kind thoughts to you, my good friend.

Walter

 

[Pale_Rider]

Buck love.