Venting Love hate relationship with Friendship.

[flightlessbutterfly]

On one hand, it makes me float. I have people who share my interests, who accompany me when I'm bored and overthinking and overwhelmed, I have people who can listen to me talk and be there when I'm miserable.

On the other hand, it's so obvious that I'm the only one treating this friendship like it's my everything. It's so obvious that I'm the one small branch of your many, many friend groups and friendships. I can call you my best friend, but to you, we're not much in terms of our relationship. Just casuals hanging out together out of convenience or a share or interest. I'm insignificant, I'm nothing. I can disappear and your life wouldn't even change a bit.

On one hand, it makes me feel like I deserve happiness. I can slowly but surely allow myself to be vulnerable, to be gentle, to have soft hands not touch me with malice or ill intent. I have people who can stay, for a long time. It's like an addiction.

But on the other hand, that's it, no? A dr*g, an addiction. All those perfect little friendships you see on television are all fucking fake, they're little gift wrapped dead mice that spring open with rat poison the longer you consume it. An illusion created by me to cope with my loneliness.

I love friendship. But lord, I fucking hate just as much if not more.
I distanced myself, because I've hurt enough. I don't want to hurt anymore. This way, it'll be easier on both of us when I leave.

 

[cosmic_traveler]

I don't think many people understand what friendship is. Muhammad Ali put it perfectly;

Friendship is a priceless gift that cannot be bought nor sold,
but its value is far greater than a mountain made of gold;
for gold is cold & lifeless - it can neither see nor hear,
in time of trouble its powerless to cheer —
it has no ears to listen, no heart to understand,
it cannot bring you comfort or reach out a helping hand.
So when you ask God for a gift,
be thankful if sends not diamonds, pearls or riches
but the love of real true friends."
​

In an interview he also mentioned how he doesn't have any true real friends. I'm paraphrasing from memory, "a true friend is one that doesn't want anything from you and would die for you in an instant, all the people in my life want something from me."​

 

[Rational man]

Such a profound observation on your part,.which I think.describes the widespread pretence of our world. So many people want instant.everything and immediate gratification of material stuff. We seem empty in this mismatched thinking. Ive never had many friends but a few who I could trust. Now one friend is my carer who did not abandon me, unlike my family.