Venting Love; Dying When You Love Someone

[CicisDoingUnwell]

☆ ──꒰ (𝑪 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒚𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈...)

I fell in Love with Someone on my vacation.

It hurts. I know he likes me back, love, yeah, maybe love as well. I still cant keep up with it. I love him. So much.

But Maybe Not Enough to consider not to CTB. It hurts. Not CTB because of him or anything - I do get it when people are heartbroken and want to CTB because of love. But that should never be my intention, I promised myself that. And I still hold onto that. And there is nothing dramatic about our love anyway.

I still can't wrap my head around all the things that happend and are still happening… The rape, the abuse, the emotional neglect… still a lot to heal from.

It's too much to bare. Sometimes I wish someone would, when they ask how I am, could change smth about the situation. But they can't. And it hurts. So much.

I know they can't. I am the only one to change myself… Why is life so unfair?

All the abuse, all the stuff… what the hell?!? Why does this shit keeps happening. Why is my PTSD still holding on. My Borderline pushing him away…


☆ ── 𝑩𝒚𝒆; 𝑪! ꒱