i apologise in advance for this big rant, but i need to get it out and i don't have anyone to talk to about it.
i was saving money to go to SA, to my fiancée's grave, to pay my respects.
when my grandfather died, he gave each of us a small sum of money on the condition that we use it for something important and meaningful to us. so i finally had the money. i couldn't attend the funeral in 2022 because my parents prevented me from going, and i still suffer from that today. so i don't even know where she is buried. i wrote to her sister to kindly ask if she would mind me coming (not in the near future, maybe in a year, so we could arrange together a date that suited her) to meet her and go visit her sister's grave together, so that i could finally say goodbye and move forward with my grief.
but she told me she wouldn't give me the cemetery's location because she didn't feel ready to share that. i can understand that it's painful for her, and i told her so, but i also lost someone in this story, and i can't even grieve because i'm being prevented from visiting her. honestly, i don't know what to do anymore, it's making me physically and mentally sick. all i wanted was to spend two weeks there, go to her grave every day to talk to her, and then leave, but even that i'm not allowed. i think the only thing left for me is to leave this planet. even the family of the person i loved the most, and who loved me unconditionally in return, doesn't understand me. so i don't have any purpose anymore, and i don't see why i should stay here suffering any longer
i was saving money to go to SA, to my fiancée's grave, to pay my respects.
when my grandfather died, he gave each of us a small sum of money on the condition that we use it for something important and meaningful to us. so i finally had the money. i couldn't attend the funeral in 2022 because my parents prevented me from going, and i still suffer from that today. so i don't even know where she is buried. i wrote to her sister to kindly ask if she would mind me coming (not in the near future, maybe in a year, so we could arrange together a date that suited her) to meet her and go visit her sister's grave together, so that i could finally say goodbye and move forward with my grief.
but she told me she wouldn't give me the cemetery's location because she didn't feel ready to share that. i can understand that it's painful for her, and i told her so, but i also lost someone in this story, and i can't even grieve because i'm being prevented from visiting her. honestly, i don't know what to do anymore, it's making me physically and mentally sick. all i wanted was to spend two weeks there, go to her grave every day to talk to her, and then leave, but even that i'm not allowed. i think the only thing left for me is to leave this planet. even the family of the person i loved the most, and who loved me unconditionally in return, doesn't understand me. so i don't have any purpose anymore, and i don't see why i should stay here suffering any longer
