Lost & lonely

[lifeisadream]

First off, thank you for reading this.

I came to this forum because, I guess like many people here, I find the world is a gigantic lonely place, full of cruelty where those with any form of mental illness are misunderstood. Due to my depression, bipolar, bpd & social anxiety I seriously struggle out there in the real world talking to people, forming friendships or indeed keeping friendships.

People readily come & go in my life. I've stupidly previously told two people about my suicidal thoughts & intentions only to be met with the usual disdain followed by....blah blah don't do it, it's not the answer. One even told me to go to A&E, tell them everything then they'd have to send me to a psychiatrist (again). Think if I emptied the contents of my head in A&E I'd be sectioned. Maybe those two people love their life but they don't live inside my head every day. They're not fixated with checking out of this life like I am.

Anyway, I guess I'll always feel lonely, sad, depressed & as though I just exist in a sea of cruelty until I can finally be free. Don't really care what happens after death, it can't be as bad as the pain I feel in this life. Until that day, my fondness for sharp objects to harm myself with will continue.

While I'm here, sorry if I've annoyed anyone. I try my best not to.

 

[FuneralCry]

This world really is such a cruel place and to me it actually is hard to believe that so many people are against suicide as an option. Nobody can deny all of the suffering that exists in this world but I guess that they don't understand how others experience life.

I do think that it could never be beneficial talking about suicide with non suicidal people as it would just lead to invalidation of what we go through and make things worse. Sometimes for people leaving this world can be the more preferable option and that fact should be respected. But it's true that living can certainly be painful for many people. I do hope and believe that when we die we simply cease to exist. I wish you freedom from all suffering for when the time is right for you to leave.

 

[Codependent loner]

I'm new here, but I appreciate everyone who shares…it makes me know there are others who are like me. The few days that I have been coming here I feel validated. Like my feelings are ok. Your valued, and even though you feel alone people are here to hear you.

 

[lifeisadream]

I'm new here, but I appreciate everyone who shares…it makes me know there are others who are like me. The few days that I have been coming here I feel validated. Like my feelings are ok. Your valued, and even though you feel alone people are here to hear you.

Thank you, really appreciate you replying. I'm relatively new here too. Thing is, weirdly though, I still feel as though I'm alone even when on here. Feel like a tiny leaf drifting down a stream which gets washed into a massive ocean. A tiny leaf constantly pounded by massive waves. Maybe I just feel generally unsettled or that I'm a burden to people on here because ultimately everyone here is going through their own personal struggles with life. Could also be because I hate myself so much that I think why would anyone else want to interact with me. Wish I'd been born as a Mayfly!

 

[Hollowman]

Youre not the only one who still feels alone even on hear. I never feel like I belong anywhere. My struggle is very similar to yours.

 

[Rounded Agony]

Thank you, really appreciate you replying. I'm relatively new here too. Thing is, weirdly though, I still feel as though I'm alone even when on here. Feel like a tiny leaf drifting down a stream which gets washed into a massive ocean. A tiny leaf constantly pounded by massive waves. Maybe I just feel generally unsettled or that I'm a burden to people on here because ultimately everyone here is going through their own personal struggles with life. Could also be because I hate myself so much that I think why would anyone else want to interact with me. Wish I'd been born as a Mayfly!

I feel this way even when I have a back and forth going on a thread or even an active one I've posted. Sometimes talking to individual members helps; I feel like it's still kinda "screaming into the void", except the void is a bunch of crazy strangers and there's the whole inadequacy of electronic communication aspect...this place is a refuge, but barely. It is weird. I hope you find your footing before long.

 

[outrider567]

Thank you, really appreciate you replying. I'm relatively new here too. Thing is, weirdly though, I still feel as though I'm alone even when on here. Feel like a tiny leaf drifting down a stream which gets washed into a massive ocean. A tiny leaf constantly pounded by massive waves. Maybe I just feel generally unsettled or that I'm a burden to people on here because ultimately everyone here is going through their own personal struggles with life. Could also be because I hate myself so much that I think why would anyone else want to interact with me. Wish I'd been born as a Mayfly!

Many of us here are still quite lonely despite posting here, I know I am

 

[lifeisadream]

Youre not the only one who still feels alone even on hear. I never feel like I belong anywhere. My struggle is very similar to yours.

I'm so sorry you're having similar struggles & you feel so alone too. I really don't know how to escape this endless cycle of head torture. Maybe if there is a magical place in the afterlife we'll feel like we've finally found a place we belong in.

Many of us here are still quite lonely despite posting here, I know I am

Sorry you feel lonely too, it's such a terrible thing to feel.

I feel this way even when I have a back and forth going on a thread or even an active one I've posted. Sometimes talking to individual members helps; I feel like it's still kinda "screaming into the void", except the void is a bunch of crazy strangers and there's the whole inadequacy of electronic communication aspect...this place is a refuge, but barely. It is weird. I hope you find your footing before long.

Thank you for replying. Guess I'm afraid to talk to individual members because I never know if it's the right thing to do or what the site etiquette is & I'm scared of being told off. I'd prefer to talk to crazy strangers though, there's only so much of my ramblings my cats can take.

This world really is such a cruel place and to me it actually is hard to believe that so many people are against suicide as an option. Nobody can deny all of the suffering that exists in this world but I guess that they don't understand how others experience life.

I do think that it could never be beneficial talking about suicide with non suicidal people as it would just lead to invalidation of what we go through and make things worse. Sometimes for people leaving this world can be the more preferable option and that fact should be respected. But it's true that living can certainly be painful for many people. I do hope and believe that when we die we simply cease to exist. I wish you freedom from all suffering for when the time is right for you to leave.

Thank you for replying. Your posts always resonate with me & I take so much comfort in reading them.

 

[Codependent loner]

Thank you, really appreciate you replying. I'm relatively new here too. Thing is, weirdly though, I still feel as though I'm alone even when on here. Feel like a tiny leaf drifting down a stream which gets washed into a massive ocean. A tiny leaf constantly pounded by massive waves. Maybe I just feel generally unsettled or that I'm a burden to people on here because ultimately everyone here is going through their own personal struggles with life. Could also be because I hate myself so much that I think why would anyone else want to interact with me. Wish I'd been born as a Mayfly!

It's funny how ( in my experience ) I crave human contact, but find myself overwhelmed by humans. I want to connect but their energy is so bright it makes me withdraw, for fear that my "darkness" will make me feel alone in a room full of " normal " people. I see others happy and wonder what's wrong with me. I just want a person who can see my dark, sadness and except me. I love that you used a leaf to Describe yourself, a leaf is beautiful, it survives on the tree of life, and when it's ready falls alone… Your strength shines through! I am glad we got to interact.

 

[whywere]

Howdy!

1st and very foremost, you are NOT annoying ever. Reading your post. several times, I came away this the feeling of kindness, love and caring about and for you.

One aspect that I have found out through my over 66 years on this planet is the fact that some, not all by any means, are always going to be nasty, mean spirited, and just so soul draining. I let them and their corrosive ideas and/or thoughts roll off me like water on a duck's back.

You are here on SS, with the most loving, caring AND understanding souls, that I have ever had the pleasure of meeting with. Everyone on here is just so kind and thoughtful.

I really want you to know that I 100% care about you, as I have no family nor friends, except everyone here, and you are just so darn nice and thoughtful, your post says that loud and clear.

You are a very kindred spirit with so much to give yourself and others and I really want the best for you always.

Sending you lots of well wishes, love, caring, hugs and the knowledge that you are a good friend to/for me.

Walter

Pm me if you ever want to.