Venting lost all hope

[beachlifeindeath]

im destined to die by my own hand. ill probably CTB in late november. im going to take SN and cut my arm. im scared but i know it has to be this way, theres no hope for me.

heres my story:
im 18 and ftm. ive had 7 suicide attempts, my first one when i was 12. ive been sexually assaulted 4 times, the most recent a month ago by my own partner(whom im still with). my family is religious and i know they will never truly accept me. they've started calling me by a nickname i prefer but i know thats only because they know of my suicide attempts.

i dont want them to go through the trouble of trying to accept a transgender son/brother, so i'll give them a dead daughter instead. im sorry mom.

im sorry partner. i love you so much. i know we had plans to get married and live in our own apartment, but the pain is too much to bear. i know you sexually coerced me, but i still love you. i dont want to start to hate you like i do with my other abusers, so ill kill myself while i still love you. please understand it had to be this way.

i was never meant for recovery, ive been suicidal and self harming since i was 9. i have a therapist now, but im too scared to tell her anything. she'll try and stop me. ive stopped venting to my partner, they'll stop me. i am set on dying.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

im destined to die by my own hand. ill probably CTB in late november. im going to take SN and cut my arm. im scared but i know it has to be this way, theres no hope for me.

heres my story:
im 18 and ftm. ive had 7 suicide attempts, my first one when i was 12. ive been sexually assaulted 4 times, the most recent a month ago by my own partner(whom im still with). my family is religious and i know they will never truly accept me. they've started calling me by a nickname i prefer but i know thats only because they know of my suicide attempts.

i dont want them to go through the trouble of trying to accept a transgender son/brother, so i'll give them a dead daughter instead. im sorry mom.

im sorry partner. i love you so much. i know we had plans to get married and live in our own apartment, but the pain is too much to bear. i know you sexually coerced me, but i still love you. i dont want to start to hate you like i do with my other abusers, so ill kill myself while i still love you. please understand it had to be this way.

i was never meant for recovery, ive been suicidal and self harming since i was 9. i have a therapist now, but im too scared to tell her anything. she'll try and stop me. ive stopped venting to my partner, they'll stop me. i am set on dying.

People create so much unnecessary suffering for others.
It's beyond despicable how you have been so mistreated.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that when the time is right for you to leave, you find the freedom you search for. Best of luck with your plans.