Venting Losing hope

[hopeless08]

Honestly I'm losing hope, losing hope that I'm not going to find a way out and that terrifies me. I know I have to die in order to stop the unbearable, constant pain I'm enduring day in and day out, every second of every day but it's just seems impossible to find a painless, reliable method that is easy to access the resources for it. It's all too complicated and it scares the hell out of me to think that I'm just going to have to endure this pain forever. Why do I do? Please please please I need to go I can't take anymore.
I don't know who I'm asking please to cause if it's god,the universe or higher power, they clearly don't give a shit about my pain, they might even enjoy watching me suffer.
I'm now again thinking of changing my chosen method of sn and considering fentanyl overdose, I go back and forth on this.

 

[Darkover]

it's clear if god want me to live this life and see what life should be like and be happy here he wouldn't let me feel so repressed and fragmented

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand feeling so trapped here, it's horrifying how humans do all they can to make suicide so inaccessible despite the fact that existence causes so much suffering, I despise this hellish world where there isn't a right to die in peace.

 

[losing hope]

Honestly I'm losing hope...

No, I'm losing hope you're hopeless08. I'm making a joke to make you feel better.

I don't know who I'm asking please to cause if it's god,the universe or higher power, they clearly don't give a shit about my pain, they might even enjoy watching me suffer.
I'm now again thinking of changing my chosen method of sn and considering fentanyl overdose, I go back and forth on this.

I'm in the same boat as you & know what you are suffering. Just know my thoughts are with you & I think you are strong for your OP.