Venting loser vent about my loser life

[heisenberg]

it's me once again. the past few days i felt pretty good. the bpd mania hit again and it actually felt good to be alive. i avoided the impulse decision to online shop and spend money i don't have. i went on a limb tho and enrolled in community college for the spring semester start. i don't know what i was thinking rlly tbh.
alas the mania ended yesterday when my boyfriend snapped me out of it. for context, he made a group chat with me and some friends we're having for a game night at our apartment this weekend. he got upset because one of the girls asked if everyone preferred cookies or brownies and i didn't respond. "why could you just say in the group chat that brownies were okay?" were his exact words.
truthfully, i don't want anyone over, i don't like anyone coming over, and i could care less. coupled with the fact that i feel like no one likes me, i'm a loser, no one cares what i have to say, and i feel like i don't belong with these people.
i just started breaking down after he asked me and told him the ladder. his words hit like whiplash when he said them and successfully snapped me out of the mania. now here i am, on the complete flip side feeling the grips of my depression again. i feel relieved at the fact my sn is supposed to arrive on saturday.
i don't know what i was thinking enrolling in college and redoing my resume like i actually want this life. for now i am back to plan my exact date when i will ctb.

the only comic relief i've had is when i was browsing for sn again. i've had dmc on whatsapp from when he was dmc and clicked on his contact to browse his new website and IT ACCIDENTALLY CALLED HIM. i swear i never hung up so fast. within a minute of me hanging up i got a generic "we missed you! we've moved websites to (insert new site) come find us here as we are still selling high quality products!" at least i can laugh at myself and my joke of a life

 

[Zeir Anpin 729]

at least you have community college. I went to a university but was forced out. I had perfect grades. They hated me because of my politics. Then I had the chance to enroll in community college and start over. But I blew it. I went into the military instead. I thought I could get a GI bill and enter private school. I was sick of state schools because they have no prestige, not even enough to impress the local mcdonalds. But then a drill sergeant decided to ruin my life and break my kneecaps. He did it on purpose and targeted me specifically because he hated my father and how rich the bastard is. He told me he would send me home in a body bag. To show my rich white father who is boss. Well this drill sergeant got in trouble for it, but not before I was already half dismembered. My disability has destroyed my life and its all because the military is full of assholes who violate honor and violate the contracts they themselves give out where they promise to not rape or murder anybody. I SHOULD HAVE gone to community college. No use now because im in debt and my credt score is ruined.

 

[heisenberg]

at least you have community college. I went to a university but was forced out. I had perfect grades. They hated me because of my politics. Then I had the chance to enroll in community college and start over. But I blew it. I went into the military instead. I thought I could get a GI bill and enter private school. I was sick of state schools because they have no prestige, not even enough to impress the local mcdonalds. But then a drill sergeant decided to ruin my life and break my kneecaps. He did it on purpose and targeted me specifically because he hated my father and how rich the bastard is. He told me he would send me home in a body bag. To show my rich white father who is boss. Well this drill sergeant got in trouble for it, but not before I was already half dismembered. My disability has destroyed my life and its all because the military is full of assholes who violate honor and violate the contracts they themselves give out where they promise to not rape or murder anybody. I SHOULD HAVE gone to community college. No use now because im in debt and my credt score is ruined.

i'm sorry for your experience, the military is notorious for being cruel to others as most officials are corrupt. while i'm glad he got in trouble for what he did it does not undo what he did to you, you didn't deserve that. people can be so cruel

 

[Zeir Anpin 729]

i'm glad he got in trouble

yeah he got in trouble for like 5 days and then they brought him back into a new company and he got another run at things. they never really punish anybody. they ALL robbed me of the success i deserved. thats why i recommend the Air Force for any able bodied person. skip all the rest because they are worse then you think. he wasnt lying either about the body bag. there was a murder out there that they all got away with. its insane.