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Well I guess after many years of ups and downs as life goes. The downs got bigger and the ups smaller and now it's at the point where there are no ups, it's been that way for years now. No goals, motivations, or anything keeping me going. I've fucked up on almost every front and not wanting to experience the long term consequences will ctb soon. I don't see myself anywhere in a year and ctb is the option that puts me at ease. Honestly just killing time before I build the courage to attempt again. So to say what type I am, I guess I'm the average "I don't want to live in the hell that is my own mind and body anymore."
Another thing to note is that I don't think there is a root cause for my depression and eventual suicidal tendencies but also can't pinpoint exact small moments that would have built up to this, it just grew in the background and slowly made itself more visible until now
I still can't get you man. But there are plenty of people like you here, so look around and message a few I guess.
