Loneliness Megathread

[[redacted]]

What do you mean by explore yourself? My guess is either sex with many people or exploring what you want to do in life, which are pretty different guesses.

I was talking about anything that triggers a reaction you didn't know you had. Both of those things are ways to explore yourself I guess

 

[farukon]

I'm feeling lonelier than ever ,, just lost all my closest friends

 

[StarsAbove]

I'm feeling lonelier than ever ,, just lost all my closest friends

How come?

 

[[redacted]]

CTB is starting to get lonely. I think I'm gathering resolve to do it and now I'd like to share my thoughts with someone, but nobody would not try to stop me if they listened to what I'm thinking.
I wish someone understood my will to die?

 

[StarsAbove]

I appreciate the person who started this thread. I hope theyre doing well wherever they are.

Althpugh I have friends, I am lonely in the sense that I dont feel like I can open up to them. Ive tried in the past and they never intentionally tried to make me feel bad, they just dont understand because they have healthy, happy, loving relationships and lives worth living. I also felt bad dumping my garbage onto others. I dont think i know how to connect in a healthy way. I feel alien and like I make others uncomfortable. I coukd be happy if I had a healthy, loving, supportive family myself or at least a partner who really understood me (but then relying on them only is not healthy either), but theyre just not in the cards for me. Even speaking to a therapist almost always seems to make me feel worse to because it remubds me this is yet another person I cannot connect with. I cringe at every single interaction I have ever had

 

[psychire]

I've been lonely pretty much my whole life, especially as a kid.
Of course, when you're younger, you never really think about it too much, but it's definitely fucked me over now, looking back.
I had a childhood "best friend"; I remember we were pretty inseparable, but I eventually moved away from that town, and years later, they confessed to me that the only reason they became friends with me was that they pitied how lonely I looked at school. I think that moment was when I truly realized my situation.
Looking back at it now, I think a lot of things that happened to me, like the time I got groomed when I was 12-16 years old, were deeply rooted in my loneliness.
I just wish I knew why I am so unlikable. I really do try my best, but my best is never enough.

 

[farukon]

How come?

Lost my closest friends when I fell into a depressive spiral and openly talked about suicidal ideation , they've both cut contact with me for their own health

 

[Somewhat Suicidal]

CTB is starting to get lonely. I think I'm gathering resolve to do it and now I'd like to share my thoughts with someone, but nobody would not try to stop me if they listened to what I'm thinking.
I wish someone understood my will to die?

Did you try here on SaSu?

Lost my closest friends when I fell into a depressive spiral and openly talked about suicidal ideation , they've both cut contact with me for their own health

I'm very sorry to hear that, I can empathise as it happened to me before as well. Mostly just ghosting and not even officially cutting contact.
I know that's probably not really helpful but maybe you can find a tiny bit of solace in knowing you're not the only one who is going through this.

 

[fatigued]

i am so so lonely. i don't talk to anyone who isn't family, a medical professional or a customer service worker. i haven't had a relationship in about 7 years. it's been just as long since i had an actual friend. the last two people i regularly spoke with were both people who wanted me for sexual gratification only. even then it has been 3 years since i spoke to them.

i am unable to form and maintain connections with people. sometimes i feel jealous of people in toxic or abusive relationships because at least somebody wants you. i am so lost about my sexuality and preferences, but it doesn't even matter because nobody knows i exist. even if they did, i know i would be an awful partner (right now) because i don't have the capacity to give anyone the effort they deserve.

i feel completely disconnected from my body. i don't notice when anything about me changes because i simply don't pay any attention. apparently i've been going grey for like two years but i just never registered it. i don't look in the mirror before i go outside because literally what's the fucking point? i already know i'm not gonna like what i see. i used to be a bit of a butterface but i don't even have that any more. i've never weighed so much in my fucking life, which i only found out through doctors appointments. also apparently i fucking shrunk 3cm. i don't know how to do makeup even though i'm nearly 30, so i can't even hide how chopped i look. though even if i did i'd be giving polished turd. my hairline has been receding since i was like 19, probably partially due to the fact that i take birth control. but the alternative is periods that make me want to ctb.

there are so many things i used to want to do. now i daydream about being able to do chores without feeling exhausted afterwards. i cannot work. i cannot study. i cannot maintain a hobby. i have been let down by professionals so many times that it feels like a sign. there is literally no point me being here. the only reason i don't do something stupid is because of the effect it would have on my family financially and emotionally.

there is something fundamentally wrong with me. i genuinely feel like my life was a mistake.

(this was initially written on another forum but i'll probably delete it from there at some point)

 

[blueskies93]

In my case, I often can't bring myself to socialize. It doesn't mean I don't want to, just that the depression is so crushing most days that I just don't have the mental energy. I have a few friends who I keep around, but of course if I mention suicidal feelings it's just not something they can relate to. People have never really cared about how I'm feeling anyways, I've learned that I usually need to keep it to myself.

But SaSu feels different, we can be open and completely candid here and it's great. I would like to make some friends from here if anyone is open to it, even if the nature of this site means we may not know each other long at least we will know someone who relates. If anyone sees this and has felt lonely please feel free to send a message. I have discord as well, if you'd prefer it. I won't change your life, but I hope I can help someone be less lonely before the end.

 

[Somewhat Suicidal]

i am so so lonely. i don't talk to anyone who isn't family, a medical professional or a customer service worker. i haven't had a relationship in about 7 years. it's been just as long since i had an actual friend. the last two people i regularly spoke with were both people who wanted me for sexual gratification only. even then it has been 3 years since i spoke to them.

i am unable to form and maintain connections with people. sometimes i feel jealous of people in toxic or abusive relationships because at least somebody wants you. i am so lost about my sexuality and preferences, but it doesn't even matter because nobody knows i exist. even if they did, i know i would be an awful partner (right now) because i don't have the capacity to give anyone the effort they deserve.

i feel completely disconnected from my body. i don't notice when anything about me changes because i simply don't pay any attention. apparently i've been going grey for like two years but i just never registered it. i don't look in the mirror before i go outside because literally what's the fucking point? i already know i'm not gonna like what i see. i used to be a bit of a butterface but i don't even have that any more. i've never weighed so much in my fucking life, which i only found out through doctors appointments. also apparently i fucking shrunk 3cm. i don't know how to do makeup even though i'm nearly 30, so i can't even hide how chopped i look. though even if i did i'd be giving polished turd. my hairline has been receding since i was like 19, probably partially due to the fact that i take birth control. but the alternative is periods that make me want to ctb.

there are so many things i used to want to do. now i daydream about being able to do chores without feeling exhausted afterwards. i cannot work. i cannot study. i cannot maintain a hobby. i have been let down by professionals so many times that it feels like a sign. there is literally no point me being here. the only reason i don't do something stupid is because of the effect it would have on my family financially and emotionally.

there is something fundamentally wrong with me. i genuinely feel like my life was a mistake.

(this was initially written on another forum but i'll probably delete it from there at some point)

This sounds all very relatable to me, minus the part of anyone wanting me for sexual gratification (or maybe someone did, I continue to be unsure about this).

I notice whenever I do little self care things to not look like shit (at least in my own eyes, but occasionally it has been confirmed by others that I'm not ugly) I feel a little better, so maybe that's something you might also try?!

I don't think staying around purely for others is a thing one can do in the long run, at least it gets very exhausting from my experience.

 

[rainhappy]

I feel terribly lonely despite being surrounded by people. I made a list of the people close to me,my friends and family and for (almost) every person, there's at least one reason why I can't talk to them about my problems (I'm using numbers to protect their anonymity):



1: never responds



2: "the only one I can still confide in "



3: has other problems and doesn't really respond



4: doesn't pay attention to what I'm saying



5: too cold; afraid of losing her, and she's not really invested



6: too fragile; let's enjoy it while she's doing well



7: Doesn't understand what I'm saying, judges me, makes me feel like I'm getting yelled at



8: Too fragile, not really there



9: We never talk, and I don't know how to respond



10: Judges me, doesn't really take what I say into account but gives their opinion anyway



11: Major family problems; I don't want to burden her any further



12: Don't know what to say or rather, I don't give a damn



Parents: Risk of being watched



13: Risk of being overprotected



There's only one person left I allow myself to talk to about this. I really love my loved ones, but I don't want to talk to them about this for all these different reasons. I cry almost every night; I just want some hugs. Not sex or necessarily a romantic relationship, just someone I could cuddle with all night, feel their arms wrapped around me, maybe even some kisses… Someone who'd be willing to help me stop suffering from my emotional deprivation… unfortunately, there's no one. I'm on about ten dating sites, and even though I'm pansexual, I feel completely invisible to women; there are too few non-binary people on these sites, and the men are jerks and manipulators who are desperate.



I'm far from perfect, and I plan to end my life very soon, but I sincerely believe I'm worth more than those manipulative assholes who manage to seduce so many people only to make them suffer afterward. And I watch those assholes, thinking that here I am, watching them in relationships, while I—who'm extremely careful about respect and consent, remain alone. Infinitely alone. And of course, this goes for friendships, too.



I'm completely addicted to hugs; I feel terrible without them, I cry without them… Why am I like this? My deadline is symbolic, and I have to make all the arrangements for my suicide,it'll take a few more months but I'd so badly like to leave before then.





I'm taking this post as an opportunity to say that I'd love to chat with new people . My biggest passions are games of all kinds—video games, board games, and role-playing games. I'm French and live in Normandy, but of course, I'll chat with anyone, no matter where you are in the world,though if we can meet up in real life, that's always great .





And of course, long live Sayori and Wario !

 

[lostinthecha0s]

Forming relationships is so hard. I hate when people bond with me because I know one day they or I will leave. I'm wondering if anyone else feels a self imposed loneliness, the desire to connect and have a support network, but the moment it starts to form, you cut the strings that bind you and never retie them again.

 

[ihateittoo]

I feel like I'm going to go through with my plan any day now. I can't handle the thought of how lonely my future is going to be. I was talking to a friend and she said "I sometimes think about how hard your life is going to be" and that really stuck with me. The people around me recognize I'm in for a rough time. My suicide won't come as a shock to anyone in my life but my parents. I feel terrible leaving them behind but it feels like I have no other choice. Being trans killed me, I never had a shot at life and I never lived a day where I felt like myself. I feel like im in my final days and I cant talk about it with anyone in my life. i wish i could have fallen asleep next to someone one last time, i miss that feeling of connection th. I wish I could have had a real adult relationship.

 

[StarsAbove]

Lost my closest friends when I fell into a depressive spiral and openly talked about suicidal ideation , they've both cut contact with me for their own health

Im so sorry you lost your support. They didnt have the capacity. It doesnt mean you dont deserve it

 

[farukon]

Im so sorry you lost your support. They didnt have the capacity. It doesnt mean you dont deserve it

Thank you , I suppose it hurts even more so because they have each other and I know they have a big and very supportive group, and I've been left totally isolated with no other deep or meaningful connections

 

[Pluto]

 

[tree.sn]

I'm 21 m if ur around my age pls reach out

 

[StarsAbove]

Thank you , I suppose it hurts even more so because they have each other and I know they have a big and very supportive group, and I've been left totally isolated with no other deep or meaningful connections

Thats so hard. Happened to me once as well and it was a very tough time. Sometimes it feels comforting being amongst others who have known struggle. Hope you find the support you need here

 

[Meru]

A recurring theme I have seen on this forum is persistent and profound loneliness. There are many members who have no companionship or connections in their lives at all, always alone and isolated. Others may have some relationships in their lives, but still feel alienated or neglected.

Some have shared that their seclusion has directly caused their suicidality. Some have stated that loneliness exacerbates it. Being suicidal is in itself often a lonely experience, resulting in ostracism and struggling to find understanding. I truly feel that SS is an important lifeline for us. I have encountered nowhere else we can discuss suicidality, systemic exclusion and social rejection so candidly.

The palpable desolation and soul crushing despair that many of us feel is unfathomable to those with healthy, loving support networks. I often find personally that people do not understand that going out and cultivating these connections is not always possible.

As such, I decided to create a Megathread for this subject. The aim is for those who are lonely in life to have a space where they can vent their frustrations, discuss their positions with others in a similar situation and support each other - perhaps even connecting with one another in the process (and becoming a little less lonely as a result).

You can post as much or as little as you like. I will always try my best to check in regularly, both to share and to respond to others.

I'll start by saying that I have always found it difficult to create and subsequently maintain connections, and have long suspected that I am autistic. I have no family and no friends. I am fortunate to have a boyfriend. Although I truly appreciate him, due to the the extent of my illnesses I feel very alone in the world, especially since my symptoms are routinely dismissed and undermined by peers and professionals alike. I often feel like such a burden that it means we do not have a typical relationship, as it revolves around my limitations when we are together. I am awaiting the day he eventually leaves to pursue a balanced relationship, and I truthfully would not blame him if he chooses to separate. I cannot even fulfill his needs romantically due to my illnesses and Complex PTSD, and the guilt of that crushes me.

I spend most of my life housebound, and a large proportion of it bedbound. SS is the only thing I have resembling a social network.

My hope for this thread is that some of us may find even a little bit of solace and solidarity from each other.

Staff will monitor this thread to ensure it stays on topic and is a safe, supportive space for those who participate.

Hey! Im autistic too, it really sucks because even though im deemed "high functioning" i am so extremely anti-social
my main problem with loneliness is growing up an orphan, and now no contact with any of my siblings. I am completely estranged from my immediate family and I have little to no friends. Im greatful for this forum, as I feel like I found my "group"

 

[galier]

I used to feel lonely, until I suffered from extreme abuse by an ex boyfriend two years ago. After that everything changed, and the love of my life, my son, died suddenly 6 months later, my perspective of life is just so different. I was more than fine, I even needed to be alone (excluding my son's company), and when he died I felt it again, but it's so difficult to explain, not only because of English being my second language, but because I literally don't feel like I want/need anyone, I'm more than, or was more than fine without anyone, the violence I experience in that relationship and in past incidents with other men when I was a teenager, made me realize in my core some things that I just cannot unsee. The evil, some level of evil that I can't explain in a second language.
I feel lonely only about my son, I need him, I miss him so much. And I don't know anyone who can relate to my experience, I don't think I will, because of the f up details of my abuse, and the suicidal ideation part together. Everyone I have known is one or another, mostly "some kind of therapy will help us heal or spiritually, or simply taking your own life is bad"
And even when to my surprise I have met a couple of great people who became friends with me, and I felt like I could talk with them even more than my 2 psychologists and three psychotherapists in these two years of hell. I don't relate to them at the end of the day. I have met so many people in these two years, exploring here and there on apps, also finding aerial arts and becoming obsessed with that (adrenaline rush, being the only thing that makes me feel something, is not much but is better than nothing) or was, until another wave of grief came and here I am in my bed, for more than two months straight, only go out of the room to use the toilet and prepare something to eat. Not my fist rodeo.
Anyway, I always get lost and end up saying a lot of things non related. I feel alone because my son is not here with me, his company is all I want, before he died I was in a bad shape from the abuse, but at least I had him, and he made my life worth it.

 

[Somewhat Suicidal]

Thank you , I suppose it hurts even more so because they have each other and I know they have a big and very supportive group, and I've been left totally isolated with no other deep or meaningful connections

Thats so hard. Happened to me once as well and it was a very tough time. Sometimes it feels comforting being amongst others who have known struggle. Hope you find the support you need here

Hey, +1 xD

 

[RosebyAnyName]

I don't even want to talk to people and form relationships. I hate talking to people, it's exhausting, and other people are too unreliable for real trust.

But I'm jealous of people who find happiness from having friends and relationships. It's like being jealous of people who can eat peanut butter, and they're constantly talking about how good it tastes, meanwhile you're allergic and can't have any without it hurting you.