Venting Loneliness is like torture, but from within

[GoSan1]

Life has been hell, and if that wasn't enough, my loneliness has reached a new kind of "pain" and insanity growing from it.

Its just pathetic, honestly, since I know myself that I have NOTHING to offer to someone to make me interesting. And yet I have sought love my whole life. Even as I child I was looking forward to the future in hopes of having a lover by then. Well, poor young me, do I have news for you.

I find loneliness to be one of the most understandable reasons for suicide. Maybe that's also because I know the feeling too well, but I was always sad seeing people be alone. I mean, it's literally written in the bible that "It is not good for the man to be alone". And the worst part about it all is that after some time, you start becoming desperate. I seriously don't think I can ever truly "fall in love" again because I just get overattached way too fast.

I mean, why was I born to begin with if this was all there is to it? Straight up all the things I wanted, I had to accept the opposite. I'm not even living, but just accepting and staying alive for as long as I can until I have the feeling it's okay for me to drink that poison SN and make it all shut up once and for all.

I am sorry for the low-quality post or vent, but im actually going insane, with random twitches and screaming just out of insanity from this world.
Please, if any of you have a close one, appreciate them and love them. Because there are some who will never be able to do that.

Goodnight SaSu.

 

[Wolf Girl]

I'm also going insane from loneliness/attachment trauma. I have nothing to offer but a virtual hug.

 

[littleearthquakes]

I relate. I try to reach out and look for friends but no one responds and nothing works. It's horrible. I'm sorry.

 

[GoSan1]

I relate. I try to reach out and look for friends but no one responds and nothing works. It's horrible. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling with it too.

If you need someone to talk to, I'm here!

 

[LittleBlackCat]

Same. Loneliness is what will eventually kill me, either by CTB or causing me illness (I get paranoid when they say it's as unhealthy as smoking x number of cigarettes per day)

 

[MyShadow]

I relate this. It's 2:43pm on a Tuesday and I am sitting in my bedroom with the shades closed tight. Here in the dark, I spent the day researching how to acquire the materials I need for my own death here on SanSu and watching videos on YouTube.

The pain in my chest and the heaviness in my heart are all I've felt all day.

Loneliness is just part of the equation, but it's a BIG part. It's at the heart of my pain and it's fueling my depression like kerosene on a bonfire.

 

[Cry Baby <3]

I can absolutely relate, my social anxietys been on such an advanced level for the past few years that I am nothing but lonely. Also, when u said you werent even living - I totally feel you. Im basically stuck in a limbo between life and death, cause obviously Im not dead, but I wouldnt say I have a life either, I just stick around and wait for the courage to ctb to come. Im so sorry you too have to go through this

 

[knickknack81]

I can totally relate to this. Over the last few years so much has changed. My mother passed away about 7 years ago (my dad died when I was young) and since then my brother and I stopped talked which lead to a huge falling out between us and we haven't spoke in years. Im not ever close to the rest of my family. I had a really great group of close friends but for a while, Ive lost touch with many of them. Some moved away during covid, others are just getting older and moving into different phases of their life in terms of having kids and careers taking them in different directions so they are not around anymore. This was happening slowly and I did not realize how much these changes were happening because I was in a serious relationship with a women for over six years. Well, we started to have problems last year and then earlier in 2025, my partner dropped it on me that she was unhappy and couldn't do this anymore and broke up with me. I wouldn't say it was a total shock but it did hit me really hard. Still does. And it was at this time I noticed "man, I am really all alone in this world". I have a few decent new(ish) friends who are great but I wouldn't say we are super close. Otherwise, I am very much by myself and there are days when I dont really talk to anyone. The loneliness and silence are too much for me to handle at times. That combined with my own work stuff and lack of a better future has been the main driving force in my thoughts of CTB. I just dont know how much longer I can keep going like this.

 

[katara]

I tried opening up to my mom about how isolating it is where we live and about how living here has ruined my life. She doesn't care, my pain is always dismissed.

 

[GoSan1]

I

Same. Loneliness is what will eventually kill me, either by CTB or causing me illness (I get paranoid when they say it's as unhealthy as smoking x number of cigarettes per day)

It's one of the biggest reasons many do it. Because once you grow desperate, it's impossible to truly love.
The worst part is the reality and despair setting in together. All my dreams gone. That feeling is worse than any wound...

I relate this. It's 2:43pm on a Tuesday and I am sitting in my bedroom with the shades closed tight. Here in the dark, I spent the day researching how to acquire the materials I need for my own death here on SanSu and watching videos on YouTube.

The pain in my chest and the heaviness in my heart are all I've felt all day.

Loneliness is just part of the equation, but it's a BIG part. It's at the heart of my pain and it's fueling my depression like kerosene on a bonfire.

I can absolutely relate, my social anxietys been on such an advanced level for the past few years that I am nothing but lonely. Also, when u said you werent even living - I totally feel you. Im basically stuck in a limbo between life and death, cause obviously Im not dead, but I wouldnt say I have a life either, I just stick around and wait for the courage to ctb to come. Im so sorry you too have to go through this

We just roam this world waiting for the inevitable to come...
Aft

I can totally relate to this. Over the last few years so much has changed. My mother passed away about 7 years ago (my dad died when I was young) and since then my brother and I stopped talked which lead to a huge falling out between us and we haven't spoke in years. Im not ever close to the rest of my family. I had a really great group of close friends but for a while, Ive lost touch with many of them. Some moved away during covid, others are just getting older and moving into different phases of their life in terms of having kids and careers taking them in different directions so they are not around anymore. This was happening slowly and I did not realize how much these changes were happening because I was in a serious relationship with a women for over six years. Well, we started to have problems last year and then earlier in 2025, my partner dropped it on me that she was unhappy and couldn't do this anymore and broke up with me. I wouldn't say it was a total shock but it did hit me really hard. Still does. And it was at this time I noticed "man, I am really all alone in this world". I have a few decent new(ish) friends who are great but I wouldn't say we are super close. Otherwise, I am very much by myself and there are days when I dont really talk to anyone. The loneliness and silence are too much for me to handle at times. That combined with my own work stuff and lack of a better future has been the main driving force in my thoughts of CTB. I just dont know how much longer I can keep going like this.

After work I almost never talk to anyone else cause I don't have anyone. I gave up love fully. 23 not a single talking stage, kiss or whatever. It's simply over. I have grown too desperate and grow way too overattached too fast

I tried opening up to my mom about how isolating it is where we live and about how living here has ruined my life. She doesn't care, my pain is always dismissed.

Telling my mom about my situation was the biggest mistake ever. It showed me just how alone I truly am. But I don't blame her one bit. She did her best.