Venting Loneliness hitting like a bullet

[Lo$t95]

Really struggling to get through the day. I know it's a bad one when I am basically paralysed with pain trapped in my own head and can't take my mind off how much I hate my life. I hate myself I need to end this. This isn't a life worth living.

Really struggling today can't eat and my stomach is so painful with hunger. Withdrawal from alcohol has my whole body shaking. I go weeks without talking to people irl and that's not sustainable like days like this loneliness is killing my ability to function in the most basic way. I sat down in the shower and just let water run over for two hours last night. It didn't feel like that long I was just disassociating and trying not to hurt myself anymore.

I rely way too much on cutting as a coping mechanism this life isn't sustainable it needs to end.
I cut myself again couldn't think of a reason not to… sorry I just hate myself so much it hurts worse mentally than on flesh.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand finding it painful to exist, it sounds like you've suffered a lot, it's cruel to me how there's all this suffering in existing but anyway I wish you the best, I hope that you find peace.

 

[Languish]

"The true horror of existence is not the fear of death, but the fear of life. It is the fear of waking up each day to face the same struggles, the same disappointments, the same pain. It is the fear that nothing will ever change, that you are trapped in a cycle of suffering that you cannot escape. And in that fear, there is a desperation, a longing for something, anything, to break the monotony, to bring meaning to the endless repetition of days."

Loneliness is a poison that rots the soul.

 

[Baisley]

I am sorry you're in so much pain. I knew w the feelings that you're feeling as I feel them also. I hate myself so much. Just a question though, are u lonely by choice. Like you push people away from u? I am just asking because I feel the same as u except, I create my own loneliness now. I don't want to do anything and have to really force myself to even agree to see my boyfriend, although, I do love him. I am just miserable and nothing brings me happiness anymore it seems.

 

[deletednumber]

Really struggling to get through the day. I know it's a bad one when I am basically paralysed with pain trapped in my own head and can't take my mind off how much I hate my life. I hate myself I need to end this. This isn't a life worth living.

Really struggling today can't eat and my stomach is so painful with hunger. Withdrawal from alcohol has my whole body shaking. I go weeks without talking to people irl and that's not sustainable like days like this loneliness is killing my ability to function in the most basic way. I sat down in the shower and just let water run over for two hours last night. It didn't feel like that long I was just disassociating and trying not to hurt myself anymore.

I rely way too much on cutting as a coping mechanism this life isn't sustainable it needs to end.
I cut myself again couldn't think of a reason not to… sorry I just hate myself so much it hurts worse mentally than on flesh.

Hug you
I know your pain since lonliness is one of the main reason why I want die.

 

[Lo$t95]

I am sorry you're in so much pain. I knew w the feelings that you're feeling as I feel them also. I hate myself so much. Just a question though, are u lonely by choice. Like you push people away from u? I am just asking because I feel the same as u except, I create my own loneliness now. I don't want to do anything and have to really force myself to even agree to see my boyfriend, although, I do love him. I am just miserable and nothing brings me happiness anymore it seems.

Yeah I pushed everyone away so they could forget about me before I ctb - it's the right thing to do.

Hug you
I know your pain since lonliness is one of the main reason why I want die.

It never used to hit this hard. Really shatters me lately I didn't think it would be this difficult.
It's a Saturday so time to start drinking listen to some lofi ~ and thanks for reading this. Take care of yourselves.

 

[Jorvak]

Really struggling to get through the day. I know it's a bad one when I am basically paralysed with pain trapped in my own head and can't take my mind off how much I hate my life. I hate myself I need to end this. This isn't a life worth living.

Really struggling today can't eat and my stomach is so painful with hunger. Withdrawal from alcohol has my whole body shaking. I go weeks without talking to people irl and that's not sustainable like days like this loneliness is killing my ability to function in the most basic way. I sat down in the shower and just let water run over for two hours last night. It didn't feel like that long I was just disassociating and trying not to hurt myself anymore.

I rely way too much on cutting as a coping mechanism this life isn't sustainable it needs to end.
I cut myself again couldn't think of a reason not to… sorry I just hate myself so much it hurts worse mentally than on flesh.

Hello, I realize you probably feel totally rejected by others in life. You feel like you will never have the happiness you perceive when you see couples or large group of friends seemingly having a good time. That maybe a big part of what contributes to your lonliness and despair.

Ask yourself, do you need to be accepted by groups of people who often times rely on superficial social ques to feel validated? Most groups of friends barely even know who their friends really are, because it's the superficiality of the relationship that holds itself together.

You probably want deeper and more meaningful friendships with people who genuinely accept you for who you are, your personality and aspirations, not just simply acknowledge that you exist.

It can be a useful tool to consider objectively the exact reasons why large social groups ostracize individuals who present differently from the norm. There are a lot of judgemental people out there who don't accept people for who they are, and superficial people will follow a dominant voice in the social group that has decided to reject certain people for superficial reasons. Are people who reject others for such superficial reasons really worth getting to know? I say not.

Something you could try is to live by your own expectations, not by the expectations that other people attempt to impose upon you. When you get in that mindset, it wont make you feel less lonely, but it will give you a sense of controlling your own expectations, rather than feeling a crushing pressure of other peoples expectations being imposed upon you that is out of whack with who you are. It can be helpful. On top of that, if you can find someone who you can relate to, while setting appropriate boundaries, you can feel less lonely enough to where you can give yourself the motivation to keep going. This thread itself is a good start.

I hope this can be helpful input.