Venting Loneliness and the Occasional Fear of Physical Intimacy

[Greyscale]

It might sound counterintuitive, but I'm very lonely; it's been like this for a few years now.

I spend most of my days with friends; however, even though I'm with people, I still struggle to feel comfortable.

When it comes to making friends, it's not too difficult for me, but building and forming a connection with them is extremely hard.

Whenever I'm in a group setting with friends, I'm always bullied or made fun of. It doesn't matter which group I join or become a part of; I always end up becoming the punching bag of that friend group.

I feel like I don't deserve to be bullied, but it's happened so frequently that I simply can't help but feel that it's my fault.

In addition to this, I also have issues with physical intimacy. Simple acts of intimacy, such as hugs, pats on the back, etc., have always felt very painful. I don't understand why, but whenever I'm touched, there's always an uncomfortable, burning feeling.

 

[etrnllxid]

I know what you mean, It's like a hot brand on searing your brain. It's probably a trauma response. Also had some issues like you regarding friend groups. For me, I distanced myself from my friend group who did that to me. Actually I wouldn't even call them my friends just more so people I was aquatinted with. Anyways it's not good for your mental and I would recommend reconsidering your relationships.

Just be yourself unconditionally and accept that some things can't be controlled. All it takes is a like minded individual that can relate and treat you with respect. Only then can an authentic friendship form.

 

[EmptyHeaded]

I don't feel lonely, but I get what you mean.
I don't even try anymore to stop them from making fun of me. I honestly don't even think it's undeserved at this point.
I also know the feeling you're talking about when hugged and such. Its bad enough that I don't even shake people's hands anymore.
All I can say is that if your "friends" feel like they need to make fun of you, they're probably not real friends. From what I've heard, finding real friends can be hard. You could try setting boundaries. Maybe they don't know how much they're hurting you. If they don't respect your boundaries, maybe it'd be better to leave them.