Living with ex partner and loving a married person

[lili]

Hi everyone

My SN arrived and I'm thinking of going for it mid April, after April 12th.

Someone did a heartbreak thread. And I felt resonant with it. I was already feeling extra suicidal a few months ago when I broke up with my ex partner but could not afford to move out.

But then my self worth depleted next to zero when I have been seeing a guy who is married, but has been trying to divorce her because he went to jail for hitting his wife's head against a wall. Although he says she falsely accused him.

Everyone says I should stop being in love with him, and he doesn't treat me well, but I feel a lot for him. He is so honest and tells me how he is madly in love, but he constantly flips on me, and I feel this has slowly been destroying me. And I help him so much, with his self harm issues, he also talks to himself and sees things. I think it's because he does too much cocaine. Granted I do it with him too. He's breaks a lot of stuff and doesn't sleep well.

I wanted to know has anyone ever fallen in love with someone like this? And struggled?


On top of it all I live with my ex boyfriend and this is too much. Additional question has anyone experienced living with their ex partners in the same house for a while?

 

[its-about-time]

You know, I don't think I can relate to your situation. But I can relate in certain aspects of it. You have to listen to somebody's actions just as much as their words, maybe even more. I had somebody swear to me I was "the one" and the love of their life, but when it came down to it, she would not see me. She was happy to text me all day long, but she would find any excuse to not come over, and when she finally made it here, she'd be highly distracted and suddenly have to run out 30 minutes later. Listen to the actions. Words are easy to manipulate, behavior is not. And people do manipulate their words.

I don't think people are evil or bad, including your bf. I think we are all trying to get our needs met and he's doing it in a maladaptive way, just like you are and I am. But that doesn't mean you should stick around. It's a hard situation and I would suggest taking some time alone somewhere to really dig into how you feel, what you need, and what would most benefit you personally.

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

You know, I don't think I can relate to your situation. But I can relate in certain aspects of it. You have to listen to somebody's actions just as much as their words, maybe even more. I had somebody swear to me I was "the one" and the love of their life, but when it came down to it, she would not see me. She was happy to text me all day long, but she would find any excuse to not come over, and when she finally made it here, she'd be highly distracted and suddenly have to run out 30 minutes later. Listen to the actions. Words are easy to manipulate, behavior is not. And people do manipulate their words.

I don't think people are evil or bad, including your bf. I think we are all trying to get our needs met and he's doing it in a maladaptive way, just like you are and I am. But that doesn't mean you should stick around. It's a hard situation and I would suggest taking some time alone somewhere to really dig into how you feel, what you need, and what would most benefit you personally.

I agree

 

[Of The Universe]

Lets see,this guy is A) Married B) Jailed for wifebeating C)Does Cocaine D) "Sees things". E) Talks to himself. and F)Self harms and G) constantly" flips" on you.
Get out while the gettings good! But that's just my opinion. What do I know? Not much,really...

 

[lili]

Hey everyone thanks for all your comments. It makes total logical sense, but I always have to think so emotionally. And none of this makes sense I know.

I think I have decided I will end things on Thursday, I really can't take this anymore.

These problems that I have are inherently mundane, I'm the one who's making these problems worse. It's as easy as me just moving on from the guy.

It's harder to move away from my ex boyfriend because of financial situation, this is just me being a very inept adult at this rate.

I've always screwed up things and been in strangely messy situations. This is why I really hate myself. I've tried for months to get a therapist, but their all booked. One of them said that my history and my kind of problems are too much for them to take care of. That really hurt me.

Therapists say it's always up to the individual to seek help. My friends have said it to it's up to me. But how am I supposed to seek help if I hate myself and don't really care since I just want to die?

There's no use in waiting till mid April for this job interview. Something bad will always happen out of my own doing.

Thanks for all your comments I really do appreciate them. Things are just too painful right now.

 

[ArcherFiles44]

Hi everyone

My SN arrived and I'm thinking of going for it mid April, after April 12th.

Someone did a heartbreak thread. And I felt resonant with it. I was already feeling extra suicidal a few months ago when I broke up with my ex partner but could not afford to move out.

But then my self worth depleted next to zero when I have been seeing a guy who is married, but has been trying to divorce her because he went to jail for hitting his wife's head against a wall. Although he says she falsely accused him.

Everyone says I should stop being in love with him, and he doesn't treat me well, but I feel a lot for him. He is so honest and tells me how he is madly in love, but he constantly flips on me, and I feel this has slowly been destroying me. And I help him so much, with his self harm issues, he also talks to himself and sees things. I think it's because he does too much cocaine. Granted I do it with him too. He's breaks a lot of stuff and doesn't sleep well.

I wanted to know has anyone ever fallen in love with someone like this? And struggled?


On top of it all I live with my ex boyfriend and this is too much. Additional question has anyone experienced living with their ex partners in the same house for a while?

Of course, still in love but ex broke it off

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

Hey everyone thanks for all your comments. It makes total logical sense, but I always have to think so emotionally. And none of this makes sense I know.

I think I have decided I will end things on Thursday, I really can't take this anymore.

These problems that I have are inherently mundane, I'm the one who's making these problems worse. It's as easy as me just moving on from the guy.

It's harder to move away from my ex boyfriend because of financial situation, this is just me being a very inept adult at this rate.

I've always screwed up things and been in strangely messy situations. This is why I really hate myself. I've tried for months to get a therapist, but their all booked. One of them said that my history and my kind of problems are too much for them to take care of. That really hurt me.

Therapists say it's always up to the individual to seek help. My friends have said it to it's up to me. But how am I supposed to seek help if I hate myself and don't really care since I just want to die?

There's no use in waiting till mid April for this job interview. Something bad will always happen out of my own doing.

Thanks for all your comments I really do appreciate them. Things are just too painful right now.

I understand how you feel. It's hopeless. I am of the same opinion as the rest of the people, you should stay away from this man and try to deal with your ex in the best way possible since you are cohabiting at the moment. I want you to know that we are here for you and you are not alone.

 

[inabsentia]

Hey, like others I can't relate fully but I do resonate with the difficulties of breaking up/losing people but not getting that clean break, and the awful feeling of loving so deeply in a situation that you can recognise for yourself is really not ideal. It feels hopeless, huh? I can imagine it must feel like so much pressure every day and I'm really sorry you're going through this.

 

[Ligottian]

It always seems the scumbags never have trouble getting women.