Hii, everyone. I just want to share my thoughts since I have no one in real life I could share with.
I feel like I'm sick of myself now. I lost the glimmer of hope I had at the beginning of this year and the year is ending with me in a worse state than I was in the last 7 years.
I'm afraid I don't have it in me anymore. I can't get back up again, for the 100th time from failure. The air around me is filled with nothing, just like my body. I've grown fearful of everything: my body, my reflection in the mirror, other people, and the very air around me. It's strange looking at my hands, for instance, almost surprised I still have them, in contrast to my eroded self. It starts the movement I wake up in the morning. I submerge myself in social media to avoid my thoughts. Although I have endured this pain for close to a decade now, I can't believe it's happening to me. I'm afraid I see myself in the way others see me: a lump of meat valued nothing. I'm mourning a decaying self that once offered this very own body, hope. I will have to mourn it fully before I end my life.
I feel like I'm sick of myself now. I lost the glimmer of hope I had at the beginning of this year and the year is ending with me in a worse state than I was in the last 7 years.
I'm afraid I don't have it in me anymore. I can't get back up again, for the 100th time from failure. The air around me is filled with nothing, just like my body. I've grown fearful of everything: my body, my reflection in the mirror, other people, and the very air around me. It's strange looking at my hands, for instance, almost surprised I still have them, in contrast to my eroded self. It starts the movement I wake up in the morning. I submerge myself in social media to avoid my thoughts. Although I have endured this pain for close to a decade now, I can't believe it's happening to me. I'm afraid I see myself in the way others see me: a lump of meat valued nothing. I'm mourning a decaying self that once offered this very own body, hope. I will have to mourn it fully before I end my life.
