Discussion Living for others

[BrokenSoul]

I'm tired of people telling me I should live for others. Can anyone else relate to this?

People say, "Think about [this person]. They would be devastated if you did that." "What about your daughter? How is she going to take it?" "You know there's lots of people who love you, right?"

I'm at a point where it's not enough to just live for others - live so they don't have to hurt when I'm gone. Is it wrong of me to not be bothered by that anymore. I don't have any personal reasons to live anymore and staying alive through the shit life rings my way doesn't feel worth it just because someone may be sad I'm not alive anymore.

Thoughts?

 

[FallingFaintly]

I can definitely relate. One of the immediate go-tos in the suicide lexicon will always be how another will feel if you're gone, and how 'selfish' that person is, but isn't it selfish for them to not take into account the overwhelming pain that the person is going through and strip them of their free will to end it all, essentially forcing them to live for the happiness of others? We did not consent to being born into this world--similarly, given this coercion of life, we should be given the freedom of choice to ctb if our lives go to utter shit.

It isn't wrong at all. I'm not advocating against empathy--after all, we do recognise that there are some people we truly love and will make huge sacrifices for. However, these are the people who should also understand that we have the right to take our own lives, not because of any fault of their own, but because life has simply just become too unbearable for us. I think those who really love us will be glad that we finally found peace and are no longer tormented.

 

[ephemeral]

I'm tired of people telling me I should live for others. Can anyone else relate to this?

Thoughts?

My perspective: It's me who's suffering. So far, no one could take this upon themselves for me. Whether somebody else is maybe (also) responsible for my suffering, is also not important in this. So, how can my decision how to deal with my very own suffering depend on the approval of others? I will still try to be as kind as I can be towards others when catching my very own bus/taxi, though.

 

[creatureoflight]

Difficult topic! I have had suicidal thoughts for 8 years and every time I have told myself I was rather off dead, etc, I think of my family and those I leave behind and I can't do it. For me, suicide is not an if-the question only is when. Maybe in 10 years, maybe in 5, maybe in old age. I don't really know. But one day I will kill myself if I am not dead of natural causes. If my family were dead, it would be much easier. But I simply can't leave them here, especially my BF and parents. So I keep on going even though a lot of the time I don't want to. I'm not saying I'm Mother Teresa-maybe I'm selfish because I want to save myself their pain later as I believe in an afterlife 100%.

 

[agreement]

It's a huge pain in the ass since I'm the one telling myself that I should live for others.
The stupid thing is that I keep doing it even though I know really well that my pain is by far larger than any grief others could endure.
Also I could die by other causes, it's not that not killing myself I'm sparing for sure the others.

 

[Ashpac]

After what ive been through ive learned you cant stay alive for others. My family knew i wanted to die properly since 2015. In that time they did very little to fuck all to support me during my difficult time. Lots of arguments happened and last couple weeks i told them they were useless and abandoned me when i needed help the most. Only for them to say you were right you should of killed yourself. Point being, dont waste any of your precious time staying alive for others, it will only eat you up more like it did with me. I regret staying alive for others now!

 

[Tiburcio]

I'm tired of people telling me I should live for others. Can anyone else relate to this?

I know how you feel. That argument is really toxic and harmful for people like us. The thing is, they say we should live for the ones we love... but is that love? The only worthy form of love is when the others persons let you be free, if they don't resoect your choices and forces you to live just because they don't like sadness, I consider it a toxic relationship which makes you unhappy.

In fact, we don't owe our life to nobody who is not here because us. If somebody wants to kill himself, no matter why he wants to do it or when, that person MUST be able to do it without feeling guilt. Suicide is a right and force yourself to live for not hurting others is a big mistake. Think a lot about it until you guys can get rid of your guilt, because you deserve leave in peace with yourselves.

 

[Justanotherconsumer]

Difficult topic! I have had suicidal thoughts for 8 years and every time I have told myself I was rather off dead, etc, I think of my family and those I leave behind and I can't do it. For me, suicide is not an if-the question only is when. Maybe in 10 years, maybe in 5, maybe in old age. I don't really know. But one day I will kill myself if I am not dead of natural causes. If my family were dead, it would be much easier. But I simply can't leave them here, especially my BF and parents. So I keep on going even though a lot of the time I don't want to. I'm not saying I'm Mother Teresa-maybe I'm selfish because I want to save myself their pain later as I believe in an afterlife 100%.

Im curious how or why you believe in a 100 percent afterlife.

 

[misanthrope1]

Everyone I've spoken to related to a suicide says that. Things like "oh they were selfish, they should have thought of how it affects other people." I'm sick of people saying that, they have ABSOLUTELY no clue what depression is like and how bad it must be to the point of suicide to even where it affects parents, children, family and friends of the affected.

 

[BrokenSoul]

Everyone I've spoken to related to a suicide says that. Things like "oh they were selfish, they should have thought of how it affects other people." I'm sick of people saying that, they have ABSOLUTELY no clue what depression is like and how bad it must be to the point of suicide to even where it affects parents, children, family and friends of the affected.

I completely agree..

 

[nuclearsnake]

I hate hearing that as well but sometimes I just look at the people close to me and feel incredibly bad because I know I'll hurt them with what I am going to do. I wish I could undo my birth and whole existence so I would never have been there and thus unable to hurt others by offing myself.

 

[RoloTomasi]

If I have a son, I'll seriously consider it. I'm sure everyone else can carry on without me.

 

[Smilla]

I have one dear friend and one brother whom I haven't spoken to in months.

 

[BlackDragonof1989]

I also have found that argument to be increasingly difficult to accept as I grow older, despite having been much more of a goody two shoes before I knew the pain of even just suicidal ideation, which is what I have been going through, I have grown in my empathy, or so I hope, and cannot bring myself to judge anyone who has suicided. As others have stated, I suppose the will to carry on is a cultural and evolutionary thing, maybe there's a spiritual force but if so why do some suicides go through all the way, was it their time?

Ergo are some meant to suicide? And all that. Eh, I just have more empathy than I used to I guess, having had just a taste of what suicidal ideation feels like. Well, years of it, off and on xD But yes, excellent posts all around. I am not terribly close to family, am only really living for one who loves me, and I am trying to love him, but I've been through so much pain in interpersonal situations and relationships, as well as causing so much pain, I don't know what I feel now. But I know I am lucky compared to so many on this site. My heart goes out to all of you, maybe I will be joining you someday sooner than I think. Sorry as well to grandstand, histrionic tendencies I suppose. Great thread though.