Discussion list of reasons for suicide (list yours)

[Charlie-Bravo]

Oh so many things that combined crush me(it mostly comes from my autism)

- The inability to cultivate friendships(I feel like a fucking ghost) --> Never had a serious relationship --> Feel like a burden/parasite to acquaintances(It is me, because people don't actively try to avoid me)
- Loneliness, don't mean being alone, real loneliness. But this actually is advantageous for my ctb, because few people will miss me or even notice. :)
- Word-finding problem, which also goes the other way around. Makes me feel like an alien :(. Imagine a translator, which translates your thoughts into words for your mouth and also translates heard words into thoughts for my brain to analyse. Well mine is fucking drunk and a moron.
- I feel like I never finish stuff. Like when I find a hobby I learn quick but then it flatten dramatically, I feel I never will be an expert in any field, sometimes I also suddenly lose motivation.
- Combine this with a perfection-mentality, where I always think about what I did wrong or what I could've done better. And this is less an analysis but more a torture.
- And many other (sometimes small) things. I honestly feel like a buggy and broken program
- And on top of all of that depression and frustration are getting worse by the month. CTB kinda feels like a light at the end of the tunnel :)


Oh and before anyone asks: I had therapy and help, especially as a kid and teenager. I tried and had hope, but it failed, thats life.

 

[bodyelectric]

The nothingness of death seems better than this life

 

[TheSilentPrincess]

Thought it was a good idea to make a general thread for the subject.

My reasons for suicide,

I feel scared of the world, like my entire life I've always had a huge heart and felt such strong love and empathy for everyone no matter who they were. Like I would take a bullet for even a stranger. I've felt this way for as long as I can remember. It scares me how selfish and cruel people can be and throughout my childhood I learned the hard way that I was "different" I saw how evil people could be to one another and it scared me I just can't live in such a selfish world with so many horrible things happening all the time. Also horrible anxiety as well like I'm always scared that something is going to happen to me. When I was four years old my sister was murdered raped and tortured and I fear that something similar could happen to me as well. I was abused severely growing up as a child and grew up with very sadistic step siblings. They tortured animals in front of me and my stepmom was probably the worst she was always very emotionally abusive and made me feel worthless and turned my whole family against me. I was also bullied in school growing up and people always spread rumors about me being some horrible person and it hurt because I knew deep down inside that if they truly knew who I was they wouldn't say those kind of things. When I turned 14 I completely shut down and stopped talking and expressing myself and to this day I still don't. People think I'm weird for it but honestly I don't care. I feel stuck in this world like I have no freedom to do the things I want to do. Especially growing up with adhd I could never focus on anything and no matter how hard I tried I always got F's and D's in everything I remember staying up every night and falling asleep crying wondering why I couldn't focus no matter how hard I tried and nobody understood that. Eventually I just accepted that I couldn't do anything. Because of my adhd I can't put effort into any of my goals and I constantly feel like I'm just "observing" myself in somebody else's body and I can't be productive I feel like a slave and I have no freedom. Also I feel like I don't belong in this world because I can't stand being around too many people at once and this world is so overpopulated it terrifies me. In high school I used to always get random panic attacks because of being in large crowds and I would run away from school and start crying because I was just so scared of everyone. Because of the abuse I went through as a child I can't trust anyone and I feel like everybody is evil and selfish and that's why I got random panic attacks so often because I just randomly felt like someone was going to try and hurt me. Plus the government is so controlling it's like we have no free will. Just eat and work until we die. Which wouldn't actually be that bad if I was able to be productive in the first place. I wish I could live somewhere quiet and be alone but no matter what I'm always around hundreds of people and I end up staying in my house all day to avoid them. My anxiety from people has gotten so bad that even looking at some random person will trigger a panic attack. I don't know what to do anymore tbh..
-scars all over my body
- intrusive thoughts/ anxiety 24/7
- failed over 30 suicide attempts
- can't be productive or work towards any goals of my goals
- rotten luck
- extreme insecurity like I have to wear makeup even in my own house
- bulimia
-trust issues
- extreme ptsd
-D.I.D personality disorder

 

[platypusfan]

My main reason is because I feel sad, even when things go good, it's like my brain forces me to be sad. I can't enjoy anything enough for a career. I am so extremely lonely, social anxiety and being ugly makes it worse. My family is never happy with me. Chronic physical pain that doctors will blame on anxiety.

 

[crimsonpool]

general dislike of existing
autism+mental disorders
hikikomori since age 12
no friends in 8 years
abusive and strict parents
no talents or goals
cant go to college or work
religious trauma
gender dysphoria
deluded obsession with a celebrity

im just generally unfixable. i don't see how my life can get any better considering most of these reasons are permanent or scarring. lol.