Venting life's in the way

[mess_ofblack]

it's pretty late in the night for me and im still considering overdosing on my medication to just get this shit over with. i have everything i could ask for, a loving girlfriend, great friends and loving parents but i still feel hollow and empty, like ive had my heart ripped out of my chest and now im stuck wandering around like a husk looking for just the right thing to fill that gap. it's starting to feel like death is that only thing that'll fix me, the only thing that'll actually work for me, to fix these god awful bouts of bullshit i have to go through day by day. my birthday is in about a month or so and i want to live to see it but i also feel like it's pointless to, like my life has just come to a standstill and im watching it from a third person perspective, nothing more than a bystander. i fucking hate all of this shit and i want to end it so badly but i don't want to hurt the people i care about.

 

[brandnewtiger]

Hello, this is exactly how I felt just a couple months ago. I had my shotgun loaded and in my mind I truly felt I was absolutely decided on ending it all. But for me, remembering the people I care about just as you had allowed me to carry on. When I shot at a tree to practice my aim before turning the gun on myself, all of my loved ones faces flashed before my eyes. Life fucking sucks more than it ever should but I believe you can take it day by day and regain your will slowly but surely. You already have a good start with that desire to see your next birthday. Hold onto that glimmer of hope no matter how small it is. I was convinced death was the only solution for months, ruminating on my method day in and day out and I would have never thought after being alone in that forest with my loaded gun I would be here and doing so much better today. It really is possible. You fucking got this