Venting Life

[greg ! :3]

I wish my life was better. I wish i was happy. I wish so many things, and yet i can't achieve them. Maybe If i wanst a fucking jerk and a weirdo i would be a good person. Maybe in another life. Today is the day. I Hope, at least. I Just want to die as soon as i can. Everything feels like shit and not EVEN eating makes it better. Eating and cutting myself were the only ways i could handle my feelings. And now, i can't cut. AND also, eating doenst make me feel good anymore. Nothing feels fun anymore. I can't even enjoy anything. I Just want to become an angel like my dad. Maybe in another universe ill be happy. I Just want to die. PLEASE god, kill me. Living is not happy anymore. Living is not worth it. I need to kill myself while i still can. I just want to see my dad again. I miss him. It's my fault he died anyway. Everything is always my fault. Im so tired.i need to hug someone. I need to feel truly happy at least one last time, but How can i? My depression just gets worse and worse and i can't handle anything anymore. Everything makes me cry. I hate myself and i know everyone hates me too. I fucking hate everything. I want to be free of everything, bc everything is so stressing and bad. I Just want to feel good, happy and comforted. I want to feel true love. I want to feel something. I feel like i can't feel anything anymore. Maybe ill be happy when i die, i guess. But im scared. Im so scared. I want to die, but im so scared. Im scared ill fail. I always fail. I failed in being a daughter, a niece, a sister, a friend. I failed in everything. Im always failing. I can't even do things right. Maybe.. if i wanst trans, ugly and ridiculous people would like me. I wish i could have freedom in a easy way, but death is the only way out of this. I can't even cry anymore.