Life is very sad

[FuneralCry]

This is just another pointless post. Everything that I have ever written on here just feels so repetitive, I never have much to say, I am so empty. I have no personality, there is nothing interesting about me. The truth is that life itself is extremely depressing, it is the most awful feeling knowing that I could potentially have decades of suffering left, where things just get worse and worse. To me, life just feels so wrong. I see no point to living when all I ever experience is just sadness and misery. There is nothing here for me in this world and there never will be. I cannot really live, so I just exist, trapped in the same thoughts. Being alive hurts me a lot.

I think it is just sad how much pain even exists in the world. I think it is wrong how people are denied ways to peacefully exit and they often have to suffer a lot even as they are dying. Why must life be so hard, and so sad. In many ways I am already dead, I hear about others who live with their busy lives and I know that I could never handle that. I do not want it either. We suffer and struggle so much, all for nothing.

There is nothing really positive about being alive, I am glad I have no hope, hope can be one of the most painful things when it is lost. How could anyone prefer living to non existence, that is something that I will never understand. Death is permanent sleep, we rest and nothing can hurt us. It sounds so wonderful in comparison to being tortured by life.

 

[SpaceCadet]

Even if your posts may feel repetitive i still love them, and i'm sure they help to confort a lot of people here, incluiding myself. I relate a lot to your feeling of spending decades living, especially getting old and sick. Even if i don't go through ctb soon i'm sure i would before getting too old. I'm deeply sorry for your suffering, i know some day it will stop for all of us one way or another.

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

I wish life wasn't so unfair. I'm so sorry.

 

[Lost Magic]

Have you ever tried Kratom before? While it doesn't make me not want to end it all, it does make life somewhat more bearable. It tastes a bit funky but you can get them in capsules. I think it is more effective as a tea though. If you or anybody want me to give you a good company in Amsterdam that sells it, then pm me. They sell all kinds of strains for different moods. Red borneo is my favourite because it has a nice calming and mildly euphoric effect.

 

[FuneralCry]

Have you ever tried Kratom before? While it doesn't make me not want to end it all, it does make life somewhat more bearable. It tastes a bit funky but you can get them in capsules. I think it is more effective as a tea though.

It sounds like the type of thing that would make me feel sick, I struggle with most drinks especially those with strong tastes. I really do not like tea at all. Thanks for suggesting though and I wish you the best.

 

[Lost Magic]

It sounds like the type of thing that would make me feel sick, I struggle with most drinks especially those with strong tastes. I really do not like tea at all. Thanks for suggesting though and I wish you the best.

no worries, you can also buy them in capsule form, if that helps. Best to you too. Keep looking for things that can perhaps bring up your happy chemicals. Have you tried prescription pills or natural substances before like Kratom, 5htp, St John's Wart, Valerian. There are loads.

 

[Ligottian]

I hate to be a downer, but I've tried all sorts of supplements and "legal highs". None did a damn thing to help. Not to discount comments of those that it did . Or to discourage those that it might.

 

[Red Scare]

Kratom has a potential to develop dependency. I have been using it on and off the past couple weeks because I went cold turkey off of a daily fentanyl habit... although I don't know why I even stopped using. I guess I was just sick of spending money on it and dealing with unsavory types.

I really wish I could just get high every day on opiates, because life sucks. I have a legitimate disability too, I.live in chronic pain and a doctor won't prescribe me any more than 800m of ibuprofen because they are afraid to lose their license if they treat my pain properly by giving me narcotics.

 

[BigGimpin]

I have a legitimate disability too, I.live in chronic pain

Exactly what I am dealing with, SCI and been in this fucking chair 37 years. My body is breaking down rapidly and I need to be "able" to CTB. Pain meds stopped working for me years ago, but I still take them so i dont get dopesick. Took 4 30mg of Oxy this morning but still couldnt get out of bed to get water.

Have you been to a pain management doctor? My primary Dr was set on only giving me 5 percoset per day, and he was adamant that he cant give me anything else; saw the pain management as he gave me 30mg Oxy to take on top of the 5 percs. If you were close, I would share!

 

[Red Scare]

Exactly what I am dealing with, SCI and been in this fucking chair 37 years. My body is breaking down rapidly and I need to be "able" to CTB. Pain meds stopped working for me years ago, but I still take them so i dont get dopesick. Took 4 30mg of Oxy this morning but still couldnt get out of bed to get water.

Have you been to a pain management doctor? My primary Dr was set on only giving me 5 percoset per day, and he was adamant that he cant give me anything else; saw the pain management as he gave me 30mg Oxy to take on top of the 5 percs. If you were close, I would share!

I went to one pain management doctor, I didn't want to ask for anything because I didn't want to exhibit "drug seeking behavior" and get banned off the bat, so I went along with it.... I figured out it was going to be several more appointments of him wanting to try all sorts of pointless treatments like injections, and bullshit hocus pocus like acupuncture, before they were going to prescribe me any drugs so I gave up after three appointments. I'm still not entirely sure he didn't think I was just there for drugs and was making it hard on me, even though I didn't present to be a drug addict, and have my full medical work up of the problem. I currently need a hip replacement, but that apparently isn't a condition that deserves pain relief beyond 800mg ibuprofens.

 

[NothingElseMatters]

i'm sending you a virtual hug to make you feel better

 

[Journeytoletgo]

I agree OP I wish it wasn't so depressing for some of us

 

[Leiden]

Yea, It sucks so bad, it's horrific.

 

[sunny/omori]

If you have lost hope what keeps you from ctb? Dont want to be rude. Just want to know.

 

[downndone2]

I'm sorry you're suffering so. I can certainly relate

 

[MicropBaldCurrycel]

im only here one day but i already like your posts.

 

[FuneralCry]

If you have lost hope what keeps you from ctb? Dont want to be rude. Just want to know.

I am only still here as ctb is very difficult for me, my access to methods is limited, there is the lack of peaceful and reliable way to exit and the fear of failure. If it was easier to leave this world, I would already be gone. It should not be this hard to leave this life behind, we all deserve the option of a peaceful exit. It is cruel to force people to live.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

For the unfortunate, yes it is.

 

[thedaywillcome]

This is just another pointless post. Everything that I have ever written on here just feels so repetitive, I never have much to say, I am so empty. I have no personality, there is nothing interesting about me. The truth is that life itself is extremely depressing, it is the most awful feeling knowing that I could potentially have decades of suffering left, where things just get worse and worse. To me, life just feels so wrong. I see no point to living when all I ever experience is just sadness and misery. There is nothing here for me in this world and there never will be. I cannot really live, so I just exist, trapped in the same thoughts. Being alive hurts me a lot.

I think it is just sad how much pain even exists in the world. I think it is wrong how people are denied ways to peacefully exit and they often have to suffer a lot even as they are dying. Why must life be so hard, and so sad. In many ways I am already dead, I hear about others who live with their busy lives and I know that I could never handle that. I do not want it either. We suffer and struggle so much, all for nothing.

There is nothing really positive about being alive, I am glad I have no hope, hope can be one of the most painful things when it is lost. How could anyone prefer living to non existence, that is something that I will never understand. Death is permanent sleep, we rest and nothing can hurt us. It sounds so wonderful in comparison to being tortured by life.

Depressing not sad

 

[pikku.tiikeri]

Death is permanent sleep, we rest and nothing can hurt us. It sounds so wonderful in comparison to being tortured by life.

I'm sorry for your suffering. You are so kind and empathetic to everyone on this forum. I wish life had not been so cruel to you. I don't mean to be intrusive, but have you any tried any kind of therapy or treatment for your depression?

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry for your suffering. You are so kind and empathetic to everyone on this forum. I wish life had not been so cruel to you. I don't mean to be intrusive, but have you any tried any kind of therapy or treatment for your depression?

I'm not really mentally ill, I want to die as I see the world for what it is, a depressing place filled with so much suffering. Wanting suicide is perfectly rational in a world like this. There is no treatment that could help as I am not the problem, there is nothing wrong with me. Therapy would be the most useless thing ever, talking would not change anything.