Painless_end
Life is too difficult for me
- Oct 11, 2019
- 794
I have diagnosed schizoid personality and a low resolution mind. By that I mean, I am not able to actively develop interest in any hobbies or professions in the entire world. Not one.
I live passively, forcing myself to eat enough to survive and staying with my parents (at 31) and actively avoiding taking on a job or any kind of work, even freelance. Needless to say, this is a constant source of tension and friction between my parents and myself.
I also have a weird personality issue since childhood where I only feel "alive" for a few moments of there is some kind of problem in my life. If everything is going "smoothly", I immediately turn the steering wheel of my life towards a nearby barrier and let myself crash. I quit jobs. I quit hobbies. I don't like "solutions" to problems, I only like problems in perpetuity.
The two biggest problems I have are : maladaptiveness towards life and inadequacy in terms of pure raw mental capability for developing hobbies or interests.
Combined these two are like a one-two knockout punch. The really painful part is of course that I am not able to CTB.
I am seriously fed up with life. Seriously.
Just to add my only serious attempts have been at partial hanging and I haven't even managed to faint. I feel like I am trapped.
I live passively, forcing myself to eat enough to survive and staying with my parents (at 31) and actively avoiding taking on a job or any kind of work, even freelance. Needless to say, this is a constant source of tension and friction between my parents and myself.
I also have a weird personality issue since childhood where I only feel "alive" for a few moments of there is some kind of problem in my life. If everything is going "smoothly", I immediately turn the steering wheel of my life towards a nearby barrier and let myself crash. I quit jobs. I quit hobbies. I don't like "solutions" to problems, I only like problems in perpetuity.
The two biggest problems I have are : maladaptiveness towards life and inadequacy in terms of pure raw mental capability for developing hobbies or interests.
Combined these two are like a one-two knockout punch. The really painful part is of course that I am not able to CTB.
I am seriously fed up with life. Seriously.
Just to add my only serious attempts have been at partial hanging and I haven't even managed to faint. I feel like I am trapped.
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